Friday, December 24, 2010

Myths about Submission

In November my slave and I were honored to present at AEL, the local community group that has been going strong for well over two decades; here is an excerpt from our presentation on Delving into Submission that involves myths about submission.

Myth #1: Submission completes you as a person

Reality: This is the idea that you should be completely and emotionally fulfilled by the acts of submission. The reality is that we are all three dimensional people and no one thing is going to complete us.

Myth#2: Dominates create Submissives

Reality: This is the myth that a dominant can take any person with any personality type and mold them into a submissive. The reality is that the personality traits you’re born with mixed with those that you choose to cultivate throughout your life cannot be changed just because someone “wills it to be”. Attempting to make someone into something they’re not is destructive to both partners. Trying to make someone submissive is the same as trying to make someone straight, or to make someone change their gender expression.

Myth#3: Submission equals subservience

Reality: This is the idea that a submissive is obligated to follow each and every command given to them. The reality is just because a person is submissive does not meant they are community property. A submissive doesn’t mean, Your submissive.

Myth #4: Submissives are incapable of being leaders.

Reality: This myth perpetuates the ideas that submissive identified people need constant guidance and are unable and/or unwilling to take control of their own lives. The reality is that submissives can be excellent leaders and a great number of submissives run leather events, conferences, and their own businesses.

Myth #5: Two submissives together without a dominant to direct them will not know what to do in an intimate setting.

Reality: This myth also plays into the ideas that submissives need dominates to function. The reality is that submissives have the ability like everyone else, to insert slot A into slot A, we are lesbians after all, there is no slot B.

Myth #6: Slaves that are not brats are boring and have no personality.

Reality: Many people who enjoy the company of brat identified submissives are into relationships that have a push pull dynamic. What we mean is that the joy for people who prefer this dynamic is in the pursuit, the pursuit of attention, the pursuit of punishment, etc. For them the excitement of the relationship is built in the unpredictability of what will happen next. For others, the dynamic part of a slave based relationship comes in the layers. In other words the fun is what happens after the chase is over.

Myth #7: Feelings of exhausting, failure, and guilt mean you are not a truly submissive identified person.

Reality: What this myth perpetuates is that the act of giving is easy, that giving should be its own reward and that there is a holy grail of true submission that can be obtained. The reality is that if you are submitting to someone on a regular basis you will go through periods of feeling tired, frustrated, guilty and angry (sometimes to the person you’re submitting to). Putting on your collar does not mean taking off your humanity. Being angry at a punishment , tired during a performance of service, or having feeling of guilt around not providing someone with more time or effort are very common place and having these feelings does not mean that you are anything less than.

Myth #8: Submission is Altruistic

Reality: This myth perpetuates the concept that submission is always about what the dominant wants and springs from only selflessness. The reality is that submission is about the self. It does fulfill a part of the self and it should. This is nothing wrong with the thought that submissives are people who are out to get their rocks off too! Just because the submissive also gains something in the exchange does not take away from the fact that what they give is a gift..

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