When I very first started out in the lifestyle my slave introduced me to her mentor. He was Master identified and had a full time slave. I was very excited and very grateful that I could talk to someone about how I was feeling, or what I was going through. At first things went OK, but over time he started treating me more like his submissive then his mentee. He would get angry at us, or rather me, if we were late, and one time he decided I needed a talking to about my slave not working, even though I had explained that this was the dynamic that I had always wanted. The not working thing would have not been an issue if I were a man, by the way. He was not listening. The relationship ended quickly after that and because of that experience I didn’t feel comfortable asking others to mentor me. When I attempted to turn to the internet for answers I found the people to be condescending, inflated, and either unprepared or unable to answer questions. Over time I have had people in my life that were great teachers to me, but none that I can say were mentors to me.
Occasionally I will have someone contact me over the internet saying that they want some form of mentor ship. Usually it is really about wanting to know how to “surprise “their girlfriends in bed. When I strongly answer back “don’t do that, you could trigger her, this could end badly” they usually stop writing me, no big surprise.
I have found it really difficult to find people that are truly honest about their experiences and or want to mentor someone without their own agenda.
I have very strict rules bout being a mentor to someone. These rules I use to protect myself and the person learning under me. First off I don’t have sex with or play with those that are learning under me. In my way of thinking mentor ships are transient relationships based on learning, as in teacher and student. Sex and play both cloud judgment and someone in the relationship needs to keep a clear head. If the mentor is thinking about getting into the mentees pants then the mentor is more focused on their own needs and not the needs of their student. Secondly the mentee must have a similar identity to mine. I can’t teach someone about something that I am not. Lastly I am not going to collar someone to learn under me, this for me has extreme importance. Someone who is learning from me and someone who belongs to me are two completely different things.
I also think that there are some things that someone being mentored has a right to expect. First a person should pick a mentor that has their best intentions at heart. This can be very difficult if the mentee doesn’t actually know what they want. A few years back I was mentoring someone who said that they wanted to be a Master, and they kept saying that they wanted to leave their current relationship. So I sought out ways and experiences to empower this person. In the end they didn’t identify as a Master and they didn’t really want to leave, and I felt like I had wasted my time and energy focusing on goals that they never wanted in the first place.
Second, a person who is learning deserves someone who is honest about what their challenges are. Having a mentor with an inflated sense of self, inflated sense of experience, or is threatened by those that know more than them is really detrimental to someone who wants to learn. Lastly everyone deserves a teacher that can let them go. Mentor/mentee relationships are finite. Being able to learn what you need from someone knowing that you have the freedom to continue to grow without them is not only healthy but the basis for a lifelong friendship.
Mentors are a dime a dozen, but good mentors are few and far between. Be careful when picking someone to learn from, and always know that if your goals aren’t being met, it is ok to move forward and find a teacher that suits you.
If you are interested in play parties, power munches, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area, please contact:
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group name: New Mexico Fetlifers