Friday, March 18, 2011

Leather Bear Tails: Everyone Has A beginning

My lovely slave and I have been doing this a long time, so when people watch us it looks pretty seamless. However it wasn’t always that way, and still sometimes, things need adjusting as life changes, or either of our needs change. I remember back in our beginning I had a lot of questions. For example what does this look like? How does a person start on their Master journey and what should I expect from myself and my slave? What do I do when things fall apart or if something goes really wrong? I tried asking questions to other Masters at first, but I quickly found I was usually received with some hostility. The implication was that if I didn’t know the answers to my own questions then maybe I shouldn’t be Master identified after all. There was so much doubt that people had about me, and my relationship, it was really frustrating. It took a long time to find people that I could ask questions to, who weren’t interested in making me feel stupid just for asking.

The truth is we all have doubts, and questions, and even though over time they may lesson, they never really go away~ that is just life.

On my journey I learned some things that really helped me and I hope to impart some of these to someone who was looking for answers as I was back then.

When you are first starting out, pick three things that are really really important to you. Why three? Because Masters need to be able to remember their own requirements or they can’t expect their slaves to. In the beginning of a Master identity it can be a little daunting trying on new shoes, so you need things that you can remember to ask for, look for on a consistent basis, and reinforce. A lot of times when new Masters write a list of rules and requirements that are several pages long, and they can’t even remember what they are asking. How can you reinforce a requirement that you have forgotten in the first place? So I say start with three simple things~ and refine those things. For example when we started there were three things that I found I could focus on~ one: laying out clothes before I left the household, two: opening the car door, and three: she did the driving. We also threw in she had to address me as Sir. Over time we kept the clothes being laid out, and she did the driving, but we ditched her opening the car door, since I am impatient, and prefer to get that myself. We both found that part didn’t fit in our dynamic.

Although these were easy things to incorporate during every day they still took time to get down, and for both of us to feel comfortable with.

Over time as these things became more ingrained we were able to pick up more and more pieces, without stressing either one of us out. Too much…

In the beginning also I tried turning to books to find answers to my many questions, and I can say that personally that was little to no help at all. Some were offensive, others were unrealistic, and others were based on a lifestyle that I will most likely never achieve in my lifetime. So even though I was searching for answers, I put down the books and set about looking inside myself. I wanted to find out what would work for me, and I can honestly say that more than anything it was looking inside that defined who I was with strength and conviction. So in defiance of what is normally seen in Master/slave dynamics I can say that:

I DO WITHOUT APOLOGY ~ take out the trash, get up first, hold open doors, love her Igor impression, and wash the holiday dishes.

I REFUSE TO DO WITHOUT APOLOGY: use corporal punishment, withhold affection, micro manger her correspondence, and socially isolate.

In the begriming when I was defining these things for myself I found that I felt that I was somehow less then as Master, that somehow if I didn’t pick up these pieces that I was not as affective, or less identifiable. What I found over the years is that the things I find important are what matters. That if I try to define my needs or expectation based on a pre-cut ideal than not only am I doing myself a disservice I am doing the same to anyone serving under me. I can’t define my household on other people’s expectations.

So define for yourself what matters and what doesn’t, if you like to pick your own clothes to go out then do so, if you like to cook then do so, if you love to grocery shop (then seek help) but do so! The great thing about Mastery is that you decide for you what takes precedence. Not some book, some other person’s economic or social standing, and most of all someone else s opinion of what a “real master” does.

If you are interested in play parties, power munches, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area, please contact:

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group name: New Mexico Fetlifers

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