Friday, March 25, 2011

Leather Bear Tails: When Mastery becomes diversion

I am seeing a disturbing trend among people with a Mater identity. It is something that has bothered me for a very long time; I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Then the other day I was out with my slave and we were bouncing ideas back and forth off of each other ~ she does keep me on my toes~ and I was recounting an experience that I had several years back. I was listening to a Master speak, and they talked about how they were emotionally unavailable. I remember thinking to myself: OK, I can see how stating your limitation up front in the relationship is helpful, that gives the submissive or slave a chance right there to decide whether or not the relationship is for them.

This person went on to say that they punish when they are angry. I remember thinking: OK, not my thing, but it is always good to hear about how other people do things. This person went on to talk about how they had beaten their ex-slave (pay real close attention to the EX part) nearly unconscious for sending out an e mail without the Masters permission. At this point I figured that I had heard enough, and I excused myself from the discussion. Since that time I have heard countless echo’s from Masters with the same types of sentiments.

It is based in the idea that if a person is Master identified then they no longer have to 1) emotionally challenge themselves to grow. 2) Deal with their anger issues in a responsible and self diffusing manner and 3) need any type of self control when dealing with those that serve under them.

When was it that just because a person has a title (and more often then not a self appointed one) that this title relieves them of the responsibilities that we all have to ourselves and the ones that serve under us? In my opinion a Master needs to not only take responsibility and accountability for their own emotions but they also need to be able to problem solve and show leadership through tense and emotionally charged situations. Not indulge themselves in self serving and destructive behavior just because they have someone that serves them.

Emotional growth is extremely challenging, it will challenge how you feel, what you think and how you move in the world. Often it is easier to give ourselves excuses about why emotional growth doesn’t need to happen then it is to push through the challenge, reevaluate ourselves and possibly change how we act and what we think.

Anger is a complex composite of emotion. For some anger is about being explosive, for others it is about denial and for others it as about recognizing that anger is a signal that there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. There is however, a trick to the emotion of anger. For some, the power that they feel over their lives is heightened when they feel angry, and that power becomes addictive. If a person who feels empowered when they are angry spikes that emotional charge by physically punishing their submissive or slave when they are angry it starts a cycle. When the Master does it at first they feel euphoria followed by a release of the anger, and a return to a relaxed and calm sate. Over time the euphoria takes a greater and greater amount of intensity to achieve~ so sometimes unknowingly, the physical punishments become more and more extreme, because emotionally the Master is still seeking the euphoria/release. The anger/euphoria/release pattern can also become the Masters emotional comfort zone, this leads to the Master becoming emotionally geared to creating a pattern of behavior from the slave that will start the cycle.

Although I recognize that entitlement happens in all types of relationships and relationship titles, seeing how Master s blatantly use their title to allow themselves to remain emotionally stunted, or disassociate themselves from the responsibilities of life is both disturbing and disappointing.

How can you push your slave if you cannot push yourself? How can you require that a person give and give and give if you are incapable of it? How can you expect someone self to hold their temper and hold their tongue, if you are unable or unwilling to get your own self under control? But most of all how can you consider yourself a leader when those that follow you become lost and weak in your presence?

Strong Master s make strong slaves. Self confident, invested Masters make self confident invested slaves. Grandiose emotionally detached Masters create ex-slaves with horror stories.

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