Friday, April 15, 2011

Leather Bear Tails: Beware W-N-S

Okay I am going to say it. I am going to break the code of silence and the secret handshake and let out the truth. A lot of dominants have severe Whit Night Syndrome - WNS. Sometimes a part of feeling big and powerful comes from the thought that you rescued the submissive in distress and you carried him or her to safety. Who is more big and strong and sexy then someone who can make everything all right?

White Night Syndrome has distinct signs and symptoms; it causes blindness, deafness, out of body experiences, and delusions of grandeur. The Dominate cannot hear their friends say “wait a minute”, “stop a second”, or “are you sure”? The dominate does not see the submissive in the background pulling the strings, and the dominate tends to do, say and purchase things that they would not otherwise do or say or purchase, all with the thought that they are the big bad protector that is making a difference and single handedly redefining hoe the submissive feels about life, love, play, and sex. Then comes the following week….

Just kidding… mostly…

I have had my personal bouts of WNS; I first hand have felt the massive inflated ego of saving someone from ‘dire’ circumstances followed by the crushing blow of defeat as they go off and do what they wanted to anyway, my bank account considerably lower.

It was a very tough lesson. One that I thought that I had learned well, but I still get tinges of WNS from time to time. The beautiful slave with the incompetent Master, the newbie with large breasts, the well meaning beginning Master wanna be. It never really goes away.

In all seriousness though, the saver/saved dynamic does come with a host of difficulties. The biggest issue with this dynamic is when it is the basis of the relationship. What I mean is when the relationship becomes abut consistently pulling someone out of trouble. IN this dynamic two things happen, one the submissive feels needed and cared for when they are being saved or fought for, and so they create situations for that to happen. Two, the dominate feels needed and powerful when they are doing the saving, so they as well create situations for that to happen.

It also creates a forces helplessness on the submissives part, partly to keep the dominate engaged, and partly to reassert their own ability to not handle even the most simple of situations. There is of this energy to keep the saver/saved cycle going. I am not saying that Dominates also do not engage in the save me behavior, they do – and effectively, at that. What I am saying is that many Dominates have a very hard time saying no, especially if they feel that what they do can make a difference.

I wish that I had a good ending to this particular blog, a way to fight this crippling WNS, but the only thing that I can say is when you feel the haze of WNS starting to come on, your chest puffing up, your hearing starting to go, your eyes getting blurry, RUN- don’t walk_ RUN to your nearest trusted friend. Ask for an intervention, and most of all remind yourself that you can defeat this! Resist the call, resist the temptation, and strive to be WNS free!

If you are looking for munches, play parties, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area please contact :

The Next AEL Kinkskills workshop is: Flogging 1-1 intensives!

If you are looking for an online community go to, and the New Mexico community can be found under the group name :

NewMexico Fetlifers

No comments: