When Ms. B was 19 she met a man who was 28 and a budding dominant. She began her journey as a submissive and very quickly found that this did not fit her. After about a year a few gay male dominant friends decided to train her as a dominant. This training continued for 8 years. She has been in the life style for 32 years overall and considers herself a Domme and a Sadist who does not identify as leather. This is her personal philosophy:
You take who you are into this. This isn't role playing. It IS relationships. You bring all your honor, integrity, humor and knowledge, or lack thereof, into all your relationships, vanilla and D/S.
1) Have you faced any type of discrimination in the community and if so what type of discrimination?
“In the late 70’s and early 80’s it was the Leather community. Because there was no internet, D/S and BDSM were relegated to gay leather men and bikers. You found a club in New York or a club in Atlanta or a club in Las Vegas. They don’t want you there because you are a femmy straight woman. They don’t to talk to you, they treat your man badly, and including cruising your men telling them how no woman can dominate a man properly. Even the leather mentors that I had, could have me at the functions at their house, but they couldn’t take me to a club in New York because I wouldn’t be welcome.”
2) Have you ever had a scene do wrong to were you called red and if so what happened?
“I’m sure I have, but all I can think of at the moment was a scene that didn’t go wrong, per se, the person that I was topping, the energy was so flat, I was getting absolutely nothing back. After about 10 minutes into it, with him trying to top me from the bottom, I just put everything down and said we are done. There was no enjoyment for me. Flat isn’t the right perspective. It was almost draining, to play with him. As a top you put out a lot of energy, it’s a very symbiotic exchange going on between the two of you. So, when you’re putting it out and there is nothing coming back it’s dead. I would enjoy beating carpet more than him so, I just stopped it, and I was done.
3) What was the hardest lesson that you learned as a Domme?
“I don’t get to be right all the time, In fact, the times that I am wrong are so numerous! But its good, you get to make a mistake, you get to learn from it, you get to own up to it, and try not to do it again. One of my absolutely favorite sayings is smart people learn from their own mistakes, wise people learn from other peoples mistakes. I really try to be wise, but mostly I'm just smart.”
4) What have you accomplished in a scene that surprised even you in a good way?
“One of my guys was a Vietnam vet and he wanted a specifically harsh scene. He had always wondered if his plane had gone down and he was ever captured could he take it. Not twenty minutes into the scene, he collapsed onto the floor, so the answer was no. It was very hard for me in a way to be in that kind of head space; to be emotionally distant from him because he wanted that. For me not to be able to check; to keep going and not care was very unique. I wish I could tell you how very much I enjoyed being able to do that. Very rarely do we, as Sadists, get to unleash our sadistic nature in such a way. The scene surprised him. And that no, he would have told them everything, had he ever been captured.”
5) What is the next skill you are excited to learn?
“I would really like to do some suspension. I like to come in here (her living room) and l look at the ceiling and I think "God, I could put something really cool up there!" I’ve seen it done and I’ve co topped in scenes with it done. I personally find the five point suspension is just easier on the body. Shoulders, hips, head, versus arms over the head, because you can dislocate the shoulder quickly. “
A very special thanks to Ms. B for being my guinea pig for a new segment I am adding to my blog: The Faces of Albuquerque! It was a blast to interview you!
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Group name: New Mexico Fetlifers