As Byron Hurt writes, it is still the "F" word for most men. Feminism.
Hurt's explanation of how he found his feminist identity explains a tale more and more men are identifying with. Our culture doesn't promote feminism among men as a whole, but more and more spaces are encouraging healthy change.
Hurt recognizes the ties between feminism and anti-racist work and learns about how prevalent violence against women has become. It's exciting to see that of course, when given the chance, many a man will identify as feminist... they just need the proper definition first.
Learn more:
The ManKind Project
NOMAS: National Organization for Men Against Sexism
The South Valley Male Involvement Project: In Albuquerque, helping men take responsibility for healthy choices
Self Serve(d) is a blog by and for a sex-positive world. We are all our own sexperts and have much to contribute. Self Serve(d) includes the wisdom, experience and advice from the sexperts all around us. communication, collaboration, liberation & masturbation...
Friday, July 29, 2011
Leather Bear Tails: The “Real” Master Quiz
1) What do you do if your slave is smarter then you?
a) Pretend to know what they are talking about but disagree on principal.
b) Impose a ball gag
c) Have sex with your slave
2) How do you state your Masterliness on a daily basis?
a) Stand naked and shout “I am Masterly” in front of an open window.
b) Change your name to MasterlyMaster
c) Have sex with your slave
3) If you get short changed at the grocery store and don’t realize it until you get home, which of the following do you do?
a) Wonder what you were doing in the grocery store in the first place.
b) Make a new rule that you should never have to go to a store again.
c) Have sex with your slave
4) How do you know when you have achieved the pinnacle of Masterliness?
a) You own 4 toys
b) Your profile says so
c) Have sex with your slave
5) Which of the following do you do when others cannot see how great of a Master you are?
a) Scoff at their ignorance
b) Fart in their general direction
c) Have sex with your slave
6) How can you tell a wanna be slave from a true slave?
a) A true slave will fall at your feet at first seeing you
b) A wanna be slave will not blow you as soon as they meet you
c) Have sex with your slave
7) How do you know that you have earned a Masters cap?
a) Your head is hot under all that leather
b) You have someone put a hat on your head that doesn’t have a logo on it
c) You have sex with your slave
KEY-- this quiz is not to be taken anywhere near seriously, please disregard all questions and answers as humor, or an attempt at it anyway. If you want to know whether or not you are a real Master the answer is no. There are no real Masters, only Masters with real hearts.
If you are interested in power munches, play parties, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area, please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:
If you are interested in an online community please find:
Fetlife.com
Group name:
New Mexico Fetlifers
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Your V is fine. Don't be a Douche.
I am so glad when I hear about an upsetting ad campaign when it's already been mocked by Stephen Colbert. Apparently Summer's Eve used pretty bad vagina puppeteering to relate to women about their products. I think it's best to learn about such finds from Colbert Report. Enjoy.
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Vaginal Puppeteering vs. D**k Scrub | ||||
| ||||
Monday, July 25, 2011
Meet Animatronic Penis & his RX only male vibrator
I do believe this is the most un-sexy representation of a boner I've ever seen.
Oh, and don't forget to look at the fine print:
Friday, July 22, 2011
Leather Bear Tails: The Real Time consequences of "I can’t say no"
A few months back we were having a very enjoyable discussion with a friend when they said the words that made me stop mid sip on my cup of tea. They said “I can’t say no.” I paused and when I was done running through my mind all of the sarcastic things that I could have said, I ended up picking the nicest thing that I could think of in that moment. “Yes you can, you just choose not to.”
In the week or two that followed I heard the “I can’t say no” concept a lot, and it bothered me deeply. It took me some time to calm down and formulate actual thoughts about why this concept is so disturbing to me, but when I did I was able to put to paper my thoughts on the subject.
So, let’s take the concept of not being able to say no apart from the bottom side and the top side.
When the bottom decides that they are unable to say no, what does that really mean?
1) They are not accountable for when a scene goes too far or not far enough. Because not being able to say no means they can’t say when things are too tough on them or if they can go for more.
2) By saying that they can’t say no, they are not required to emotionally grow. Emotional accountability starts with having boundaries and maintaining them. Emotionally healthy relationships need boundaries on both ends to grow.
3) Not being able to say no, means that the bottom is topping from below. (I’ll get to that one later.)
From the top side:
1) When the bottom won’t say no that makes scenes complete guess work. The more that the bottom won’t communicate the more risk the top takes in actually causing damage to the bottom either emotionally or physically. Because no one is a mind reader, the top is going on what they are feeling instead of being able to trust that when they check in with the bottom for guidance, the bottom will be honest as to what space they are in. So if the bottom is in a really bad space but won’t say so, and at the same time if the top is flying high, then the scene continues.
2) When the bottom won’t say no the maintaining of boundaries in the relationship emotional or otherwise falls completely to the tops. The bottom is free to do whatever they want to because “hey, the top knows that they can’t say no.” and the top is relegated to being the enforcer of boundaries even if they don’t want to be. Also if the top needs to take some time for themselves, that takes second place to maintaining the boundaries that the bottom refuses to maintain. This cycle is exhausting and draining to the top.
3) When the bottom won’t say no, they are topping from below, in both the scene and the relationship. Refusing to communicate means that the tops entire experience becomes about finding out what is behind emotional door #3 so to speak. Because tops are usually vested in the safety of their bottoms, in this situation they end up continuously chasing the bottom, and everything else becomes secondary. This type of emotional chasing stops the top from being able to relax and enjoy the scene because they have to have a forced hyper vigilance about the bottom, and even then there is no guarantee that the top will pick up on signs of things going wrong. This hyper vigilance is beyond the normal checking in, and so the back and forth power exchange that is the intention of sceneing becomes about a one way pouring of energy as the bottom withholds their thoughts and emotions and energy, while the top gives up all of theirs.
So here is my rant about the inability to say no.
If you can’t say no then don’t play. To my way of thinking the inability to say no isn’t cute, or funny or endearing. It’s dangerous. And it makes you dangerous as a top or a bottom. Do something else that doesn’t require communication, honesty, or the use of sharp objects. Like sleeping or sitting in a padded room.
If you can’t say no, then don’t have a relationship, then do the world a favor, if you can’t be emotionally responsible to yourself and someone else, then get a plant, or a pizza, something that doesn’t require self awareness. And don’t expect the plant to last long.
And if it all boils down to you really and truly are incapable of saying no then send 100$ cash to…
If you are interested in play parties, hands on workshops, or power munches in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization, of AEL at:
If you are interested in an active online community find:
Fetlife.com
Group name:
New Mexico Fetlifers
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
One Day Sale, y'all. This Saturday!
|
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 Enjoy our one day sale online, too! Use coupon code 20today on Saturday, July 23 and get 20% off your order. All orders over $100 always get free shipping, too. You deserve more pleasure. |
This Saturday, July 23 2-10:30 pm
Don't miss the biggest street festival in ABQ!
details at rt66central.com
Friday, July 15, 2011
Leather Bear tails: Live laugh love
At a recent event we were talking with another Master/slave couple when the female Master turned to her male slave and said “what is the first rule?” The slave stood up straight and he dutifully answered “protect the property”. At that same time my slave piped up just as dutifully and said “get your finger out of there.”
After a short stunned silence, laughter ensued.
Although I have put a halt to her Igor impression in public, she still occasionally humpbacks at home. Occasionally she puts her underwear on my head and pretend s to be the underwear bandit. My big drawers actually fit her big head rather well as she looks through the leg holes.
I enjoy chasing her through the house slapping her butt. I enjoy teasing her about who she is sleeping with, (which is me) that hussy. I joke about her horrible taste in movies that I inevitably get sucked in to.
So what is the purpose of all of this?
The purpose is to remember that relationships, no matter what the titles, should have a healthy dose of laughter. Let’s not forget in all our seriousness that the quality of our intimate relationships have so much to do with how we see and experience the world and ourselves. That laughter and joy should not take back seat to our relationship titles, otherwise happiness soon follows.
I count on my slave’s sense of humor, not only does it disarm those bent on stoicism it also puts people at ease, myself included.
So I declare today laugh a lot day.
Give yourself and your partner the freedom to sit together in the bathtub and fart bubbles at each other.
Sit at a romantically lit table and giggle about something that the other person has done~ remember when you…?
Groan together when you stand up, lay on each other in front of the TV, and blow zerberts in each other’s bellies.
Or my favorite, give each other an alternative personality, my slave is occasionally LaQuisha and I am Lurleen, the two redneck lesbians who lost a whole mess of dogs when the porch fell.
Laugh with someone you love today.
Then cop a feel.
If you are interested in safe play parties, power munches, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque are please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:
If you are interested in a very active online community please find:
Fetlife.com
Group Name:
New Mexico Fetlifers
Friday, July 8, 2011
Brickhouse Chronicles: Fat Positive Cheerleader Burnout: What Would Kermit Do?
I’m writing this blog under duress. My Beloved Wife (aka She Who Must Be Obeyed) told me that I needed to write a blog by this Friday because it would be “good for me” and that the writing process would help me stop beating myself up over feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by the running of the Brickhouse Betties group. She stated that writing a fat positive blog would be a wonderful experience in that it would help me become more emotionally centered. I reluctantly and grumpily agreed that she was right, whereupon I then proceeded to procrastinate all week long on the actual writing of the “therapy blog”.
My justification on why I wasn’t starting the blog usually veered around the area of “I don’t have the time for this” or the more self deprecating but emotionally honest reason of “I’m too scared and tired to keep putting myself out there”. So there I was two hours before my deadline and still steadfastly avoiding putting cyber pen to paper and thinking, “what the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I get this done?”, when it hit me……..I didn’t want to focus on myself in an honest and self nurturing way.
Like many people, I’m in the throes of Fatty Cheerleader Burnout.
I define Fatty Cheerleader Burnout as that state of mental, emotional, and sometimes physical exhaustion that can come to someone when they get so caught up in the righteous fight for fat and body positive image awareness, that it becomes all too easy to avoid taking care of themselves. It can become a vicious cycle where the amount of self awareness needed to simply say “I need a break” isn’t there because the person needs a break in order to come to that conclusion. If it sounds familiar to many of you, it’s because it’s happens to everyone. I doesn’t just happen to fat positive cheerleaders, it happens to political activists, teachers, spiritual leaders (organizing pagans is like herding cats), social organizers, caregivers’, parents’ and supportive wives who make their spouses write blogs.
I’m in good company!!
So let’s say that you’ve identified that you are in the throes of Fatty Cheerleader Burnout, the next dilemma for a lot of people is what do you do now? In all honesty, I’m slowly making my way through the healing and renewal process but here are the personal goals that I have for combating FCB…. maybe they can help you too.
1) Give Myself Permission to Feel Whatever Emotions Wash Over Me Without the Guilt- Once I finally admit that I’m going through burnout, letting myself feel emotions such as grief, anger, and resignation is quite difficult for me to do without feeling very guilty. I’ve internalized the idea that these emotions somehow convey that I’m not a good leader because I’m not happy and strong all the time. Giving myself the affirming message that “it’s okay to not be okay”, is certainly a lot harder than it sounds, but I know that I can do it. Right now, I’m finding that saying “I’M NOT OKAY!!” out loud is having a surprisingly cathartic effect.
2) Unconditionally Accept the Reassurance and Loving Positivity that People Give to Me When I Reach Out for Help- Like with many people who experience Fatty Cheerleader Burnout, I tend to feel panic and surprise when people offer words of comfort and encouragement. I know that one of the main reasons for this is that I still feel like I’m whining when I share what I’m really going through. I know that part of the process of loving myself means that I need to accept the fact that other people love me too.
3) Don’t Take the Journey of Others Personally- As the founder of a fat positive group, it has become waaaaay to easy for me to internalize every pitfall that my Betties face as a personal failing on my part. Telling myself things such as “If I was a leader then she wouldn’t continue to engage in fat hating relationships” and so forth, has taken more of a toll on me than I realized and I am having to relearn the importance of letting people make their own mistakes. This is allowing me the emotional space to concentrate on my own.
While this has been a difficult blog to write, in end I’m glad that Beloved made me do, if only for the simple reason of being able to say “thank you” to everyone for all that you make the Brickhouse Betties. And a special thank you to my beautiful wife for all that you make me.
Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/
Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/
My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog
http://selfserved.blogspot.com/2011/07/leather-bear-tails-through-looking.html
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