We were pleased to see another article highlighting sex for people over 50 in this week's Albuquerque Journal. Our culture is not too sex positive when it comes to aging, but that's one more reason Self Serve exists. Here's to a life of much pleasure, at any age!
TURN DOWN THE LIGHTS
It’s just a myth that people in their 50s and 60s aren’t interested in sex
BY RICK NATHANSON
That “ick” factor is partly the result of living in a youth-obsessed
culture, and partly the result of the myth that people reaching their
50s and 60s are neither sexy nor interested in sex, says Molly Adler, a
sexuality educator and co-owner of Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center
in Albuquerque.
The Nob Hill store (selfservetoys.com
) sells sex toys, books, body products, videos and other adult fare in a
fun, informative and guilt-free setting.
It’s a fact that bodies do
change as they get older, and some of these changes are physiological
and have a direct impact on a person’s desire or ability to perform
sexually as they did when younger, says Dr. Aaron Geswaldo, a urologist
with Albuquerque Urology Associates.
There is a correlation between good
health and good sex. Simply put, says Geswaldo, eat healthy; maintain
an ideal weight range; exercise to improve strength and cardiovascular
circulation; get high blood pressure, diabetes and other conditions
controlled by medication if necessary; and stop smoking (besides the
other health dangers associated with smoking, nicotine can constrict
blood vessels and ultimately be a factor in erectile dysfunction, he
says).
There can also be a host of relationship problems
that put the kibosh on sex for the
50-and-older crowd, says Kelly Chicas, a board-certified clinical sex
therapist and counselor with Albuquerque Family Counseling (
albuquerquefamilycounseling.com
).
Life
transitions, such as retirement, often bring with it a loss of personal
identity or the realization that the intervening years have made a
couple strangers to one another, says Chicas, who specializes in couples
and sexuality issues.
“The kids have been raised and gone
off, and now it’s just the two of them in the house, and if they have
lost touch with each other over the years, they are unprepared for how
empty the nest feels. They may look at their partner and think, who are
you?”
Despite the myths, she says, the
over-50 crowd is also more open to experimentation and the use of sex
toys, or “passion products,” as she prefers to call them.
*Put it into practice
Here are some observations and
strategies for keeping the romance alive by getting aging bodies to
cooperate with willing minds.
Older couples may need to “redefine” what sex is to
accommodate their changing bodies,
says Adler. “They may de-emphasize vaginal intercourse, and try other
pleasurable experiences involving the use of sex toys, erotic touch and massage.”
*Aging baby boomers may experience divorce or the death of a
spouse. Many of them are “getting back in the saddle again,” says Adler,
and as a result, this demographic is experiencing more sexually
transmitted diseases. Check out Self Serve for a course in safe sex,
condom usage and making safe choices.
*Sexual dysfunction is often a
result of high blood pressure, diabetes and conditions that cause
narrowing of arteries and vessels. Some medications to treat these
conditions “may decrease blood flow to the penis itself or can cause
side effects like loss of libido,” says Geswaldo. Consult your doctor.
*Medications, such as antidepressants, as well as hormone changes that
accompany menopause, can stifle a woman’s libido, affect blood flow and
reduce vaginal secretions, says Chicas. Medications and lubricants can
alleviate some of these problems.
*Look at the “empty nest” as an
opportunity to get to know your
spouse again, Chicas says. The empty nest is also an opportunity to have
sex anywhere, anytime.
*As men age their testosterone levels decline,
resulting in a type of male menopause marked by decreased libido and
lack of energy and motivation. Testosterone replacement therapy may be a
good option.
*An enlarged prostate does not in itself affect sexual
function, Geswaldo says, but the frequent urge to urinate caused by the
condition can ruin the moment. Check with your doctor about medications
to control the symptoms.
*Viagra and similar medications are highly
effective in the treatment of ED, but can have side effects such as
light-headedness, runny nose, blurry vision and headaches.
*Alternatives
to Viagra-type medications may include the use of prescription dilator
compounds selfinjected into the penis prior to sex, or by using an external vacuum pump to pull blood into the penis.
*“There is no normal”
when it comes to sex, Chicas says. “Normal is what’s normal for you and
your partner. As long as you’re both happy with it, then that’s the
norm.”
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