Friday, March 25, 2011

Leather Bear Tails: When Mastery becomes diversion

I am seeing a disturbing trend among people with a Mater identity. It is something that has bothered me for a very long time; I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Then the other day I was out with my slave and we were bouncing ideas back and forth off of each other ~ she does keep me on my toes~ and I was recounting an experience that I had several years back. I was listening to a Master speak, and they talked about how they were emotionally unavailable. I remember thinking to myself: OK, I can see how stating your limitation up front in the relationship is helpful, that gives the submissive or slave a chance right there to decide whether or not the relationship is for them.

This person went on to say that they punish when they are angry. I remember thinking: OK, not my thing, but it is always good to hear about how other people do things. This person went on to talk about how they had beaten their ex-slave (pay real close attention to the EX part) nearly unconscious for sending out an e mail without the Masters permission. At this point I figured that I had heard enough, and I excused myself from the discussion. Since that time I have heard countless echo’s from Masters with the same types of sentiments.

It is based in the idea that if a person is Master identified then they no longer have to 1) emotionally challenge themselves to grow. 2) Deal with their anger issues in a responsible and self diffusing manner and 3) need any type of self control when dealing with those that serve under them.

When was it that just because a person has a title (and more often then not a self appointed one) that this title relieves them of the responsibilities that we all have to ourselves and the ones that serve under us? In my opinion a Master needs to not only take responsibility and accountability for their own emotions but they also need to be able to problem solve and show leadership through tense and emotionally charged situations. Not indulge themselves in self serving and destructive behavior just because they have someone that serves them.

Emotional growth is extremely challenging, it will challenge how you feel, what you think and how you move in the world. Often it is easier to give ourselves excuses about why emotional growth doesn’t need to happen then it is to push through the challenge, reevaluate ourselves and possibly change how we act and what we think.

Anger is a complex composite of emotion. For some anger is about being explosive, for others it is about denial and for others it as about recognizing that anger is a signal that there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. There is however, a trick to the emotion of anger. For some, the power that they feel over their lives is heightened when they feel angry, and that power becomes addictive. If a person who feels empowered when they are angry spikes that emotional charge by physically punishing their submissive or slave when they are angry it starts a cycle. When the Master does it at first they feel euphoria followed by a release of the anger, and a return to a relaxed and calm sate. Over time the euphoria takes a greater and greater amount of intensity to achieve~ so sometimes unknowingly, the physical punishments become more and more extreme, because emotionally the Master is still seeking the euphoria/release. The anger/euphoria/release pattern can also become the Masters emotional comfort zone, this leads to the Master becoming emotionally geared to creating a pattern of behavior from the slave that will start the cycle.

Although I recognize that entitlement happens in all types of relationships and relationship titles, seeing how Master s blatantly use their title to allow themselves to remain emotionally stunted, or disassociate themselves from the responsibilities of life is both disturbing and disappointing.

How can you push your slave if you cannot push yourself? How can you require that a person give and give and give if you are incapable of it? How can you expect someone self to hold their temper and hold their tongue, if you are unable or unwilling to get your own self under control? But most of all how can you consider yourself a leader when those that follow you become lost and weak in your presence?

Strong Master s make strong slaves. Self confident, invested Masters make self confident invested slaves. Grandiose emotionally detached Masters create ex-slaves with horror stories.

If you are interested in play parties, power munches, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area, please contact:

aelmailing@gmail.com

Next workshop offered by AEL Kinkskills: women saline injections!

If you are interested in an online New Mexico Community check out:
Fetlife.com
group name: New Mexico Fetlifers

Tenga Flip Hole Review

Toys for men often have much in common, but the Tenga Flip Hole is taking the world by storm!  It's the most complex and well-designed male masturbation sleeve we've seen.  There are two versions, white and black, and they are both fun options for enhancing masturbation or hand jobs.  But don't take my word for it!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Anticipation


One of the hottest sexual experiences I’ve had involved no sex at all. It involved a trip to Vegas. For a month before the trip, Hub and I decided to abstain from sexual contact. That was our intention anyway, but it resulted in A LOT of sexual contact – just no orgasms. The act of NOT having sex, made it so we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other! There’s just something about knowing you’re not supposed to do something that makes you want to do it, and do it, and do it.

Those weeks were a deliciously torturous dance of sexual tension. I would go out of my way to dress provocatively, bending over in front of him every chance I’d get in order to flash him my cleavage or panty-less rear end. When he would try to touch me, I’d dart away and remind him that we were abstaining. I even let him “catch” me masturbating a few times because nothing makes him hotter than to watch me touch myself. I would let him sufficiently scold me, but smile to myself as I looked at the hard-on in his jeans. Meals during that time often coincidentally consisted of finger foods that would drip down my hand and forearm, sometimes spilling onto my thighs where I would scoop up the errant sauce with my finger and slowly suck it off.


By the time we finally checked into our hotel room in Vegas, we were both chomping at the bit, so to speak, but we didn’t rush things. Instead we spent most of the day shopping for lingerie and lube and finding just the right wine to take back to the room. Every once in a while, Hub would grab me and throw me against a secluded wall in the mall and grind his pelvis into me or put my hand against his erection while we were pressed together in a crowded elevator. I have to say, the thing that makes me the horniest is the knowledge that someone wants me - REALLY wants me. It almost doesn’t matter what skill or technique they possess, the fact that they can’t wait to get my clothes off and have their way with me is enough to make me crazy with lust. That’s why I enjoy prolonging the foreplay leading up to an encounter, as long as I know it’s torturing the object of my desire.


There is someone I’m in the process of torturing a little right now. I find myself day-dreaming about different ways the encounter could happen and wondering if he feels the same. The anticipation and imaginary foreplay is fun and makes me walk around a little aroused all day and I live in a perpetually breathless state wondering what the first kiss could be like…where he would touch me…what he might say.


Oh, just so you know – the Vegas sex was definitely worth the wait. We drank the entire bottle of wine in bed and did it in just about every position we could imagine. At one point we were pressed up against the floor-to-ceiling window of our strip-view room, hoping that someone down there on the street might catch a glimpse of my breasts smashed against the glass and have a good story to take home to their friends. That reminds me of another story I have to tell you involving being pressed up against a hotel room window. Maybe next time I write I’ll fill you in on that encounter.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Scary Law in South Dakota


It would be one thing if South Dakota were forcing women to go to a free time share sales pitch or forcing attendance of a religious service you don't practice.   It's even more worrisome that they're forcing women to go to a so-called crisis pregnancy center before seeking an abortion or even comprehensive resources.

As far as I'm concerned, it sounds like legally-sanctioned, anti-choice, psychological abuse.  These crisis pregnancy centers claim to offer women resources, while truly trying to sway their opinions, induce guilt and more pain or confusion women in this position may already be experiencing.

Be afraid and read more about how South Dakota is further eroding a woman's right to safe reproductive health and abortion services.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Leather Bear Tails: Everyone Has A beginning

My lovely slave and I have been doing this a long time, so when people watch us it looks pretty seamless. However it wasn’t always that way, and still sometimes, things need adjusting as life changes, or either of our needs change. I remember back in our beginning I had a lot of questions. For example what does this look like? How does a person start on their Master journey and what should I expect from myself and my slave? What do I do when things fall apart or if something goes really wrong? I tried asking questions to other Masters at first, but I quickly found I was usually received with some hostility. The implication was that if I didn’t know the answers to my own questions then maybe I shouldn’t be Master identified after all. There was so much doubt that people had about me, and my relationship, it was really frustrating. It took a long time to find people that I could ask questions to, who weren’t interested in making me feel stupid just for asking.


The truth is we all have doubts, and questions, and even though over time they may lesson, they never really go away~ that is just life.


On my journey I learned some things that really helped me and I hope to impart some of these to someone who was looking for answers as I was back then.


When you are first starting out, pick three things that are really really important to you. Why three? Because Masters need to be able to remember their own requirements or they can’t expect their slaves to. In the beginning of a Master identity it can be a little daunting trying on new shoes, so you need things that you can remember to ask for, look for on a consistent basis, and reinforce. A lot of times when new Masters write a list of rules and requirements that are several pages long, and they can’t even remember what they are asking. How can you reinforce a requirement that you have forgotten in the first place? So I say start with three simple things~ and refine those things. For example when we started there were three things that I found I could focus on~ one: laying out clothes before I left the household, two: opening the car door, and three: she did the driving. We also threw in she had to address me as Sir. Over time we kept the clothes being laid out, and she did the driving, but we ditched her opening the car door, since I am impatient, and prefer to get that myself. We both found that part didn’t fit in our dynamic.


Although these were easy things to incorporate during every day they still took time to get down, and for both of us to feel comfortable with.


Over time as these things became more ingrained we were able to pick up more and more pieces, without stressing either one of us out. Too much…



In the beginning also I tried turning to books to find answers to my many questions, and I can say that personally that was little to no help at all. Some were offensive, others were unrealistic, and others were based on a lifestyle that I will most likely never achieve in my lifetime. So even though I was searching for answers, I put down the books and set about looking inside myself. I wanted to find out what would work for me, and I can honestly say that more than anything it was looking inside that defined who I was with strength and conviction. So in defiance of what is normally seen in Master/slave dynamics I can say that:


I DO WITHOUT APOLOGY ~ take out the trash, get up first, hold open doors, love her Igor impression, and wash the holiday dishes.


I REFUSE TO DO WITHOUT APOLOGY: use corporal punishment, withhold affection, micro manger her correspondence, and socially isolate.



In the begriming when I was defining these things for myself I found that I felt that I was somehow less then as Master, that somehow if I didn’t pick up these pieces that I was not as affective, or less identifiable. What I found over the years is that the things I find important are what matters. That if I try to define my needs or expectation based on a pre-cut ideal than not only am I doing myself a disservice I am doing the same to anyone serving under me. I can’t define my household on other people’s expectations.


So define for yourself what matters and what doesn’t, if you like to pick your own clothes to go out then do so, if you like to cook then do so, if you love to grocery shop (then seek help) but do so! The great thing about Mastery is that you decide for you what takes precedence. Not some book, some other person’s economic or social standing, and most of all someone else s opinion of what a “real master” does.




If you are interested in play parties, power munches, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area, please contact:

aelmailing@gmail.com

Next workshop offered by AEL Kinkskills: women saline injections!

If you are interested in an online New Mexico Community check out:
Fetlife.com
group name: New Mexico Fetlifers

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Salacious!

In case you haven't heard yet, Salacious is a new queer, feminist, anti-racist sex magazine that's quickly winning a place in our communities' hearts... and other, slightly more salacious bits.

The following is an excerpt from my contribution to Salacious' premiere issue. They have officially sold out of the first issue, but you can still pick up a copy at Self-Serve--run, don't walk--they only have a few copies left!

Check them out at www.salaciousmagazine.com



Illustration by Mancer


Warning: The following is quite explicit and involves Daddy/girl play.




“Are you going to be a good grrl for Daddi?” A command disguised as a question.

“Yes, of course, Daddi.”

"Now then, I know you heard me. From this point forward you won't utter a single fucking word unless Daddi asks you a direct question. Do you understand?"

As I spread my legs, I begin to nod and am stopped short by you jerking on my panties so fast that my cheeks are exposed before I even know what’s happening, followed by your hand coming down so hard on my ass, you can see pink welts rising up immediately on parts of my exposed flesh. "Use your words, little grrl."

The pain shoots through me, causing my eyes to well up, and I stop the rubbing only momentarily before I remember and start back up again, quickly saying, "Yes, Daddi." My voice audibly quivering. Having inadvertently disobeyed one of your simple demands leaves me more pained than the blow from your open palm.

Softening a bit at the thought of your baby grrl crying in front of an imminent audience, you decide you'll teach me an easier lesson. "That's better, little one." Caressing my ass a bit, you gently pull up my panties, covering the stingy, welted parts with the cool, silky material before sliding your hand down and pushing the crotch of my panties to one side. There's visible wetness pooling between my lips, what with the rubbing, firm language, and stinging smack...This pleases you greatly.

I inhale sharply at the slightest touch of your fingertips there, confused by my mixed feelings of liking and fearing it. "It's okay, darlin’. I'm not going to hurt you. Just so long as you cum for Daddi--just like I taught you the other night--before our guests arrive. You're going to learn to not start a job you can't finish. Especially when it's a job for Daddi. Just because I taught you how to touch yourself, it doesn't mean this is something you're allowed to do on your own. You are to only do that for Daddi and with Daddi. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir." I can feel myself growing wetter and wetter with each word and the impending threat of potential embarrassment and punishment. I'm so scared that I won't be able to finish before the guests arrive. So I rub harder, much harder, and faster.

"That's right, baby grrl, you'd better get to work. Those guests are sure to show up any minute now."

You move your fingers slowly, teasing the fuck out of my tight, little cunt, just barely skirting the edges of my opening. "And if they get here before you cum for Daddi, do you know what's going to happen?"

"No, Daddi." The back of my neck glistening with the effort I'm putting forth and the fear of just how painful and embarrassing my punishment could be.

"I'm going to have to shove my big, hard cock inside of you and fuck you until you're screaming out in pain, our guests watching and waiting. After that, I’ll leave you to them, allowing them to do with you as they please."

"NO, Daddi!" I cry out before I can catch myself. Your free hand lands severely on my ass, harder this time, my body uncontrollably releasing a violent jerk as I swallow the pain.

"You will take your punishment like a good grrl. Or you will be punished even more harshly. It's all up to you... Now Daddi wants to see you push your hips into the bed, just like I showed you. And then lift your ass in the air. Do it several times for Daddi."

I follow your instructions to the tee, not daring to disobey again, achingly embarrassed that I messed up twice already. Watching my body moving against the mattress like that gets you all the more riled up and so you begin to flick your fingers faster and faster through my wetness, keeping me spread wide open. Which, in turn, makes it incredibly difficult for me not to squirm around uncontrollably. "Lie still. I don't want to see any movement on your part except for that which you've been instructed to do."

I quiet my body, wanting to be the best grrl possible for my Daddi and follow all his instructions explicitly. Maybe this way it won't be quite so bad in front of the guests and he'll be proud of me instead of so angry. But the motion of your fingertips has left me wanting...of what I'm not sure. I start to make little noises and you coo encouragement, your breath warm and moist on my ear, my neck.

I can't stop my body from instinctively pushing back to meet your fingers, wanting more.

“What is it, darlin’?”

"Please, Daddi...pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease...Daddi...please..."

"Shhh, sweetheart. Not yet. You're not ready for that just yet..." Your cock throbbing and painfully stiff, wanting so badly to give me what I'm unknowingly asking for. Hearing me plead like that is such torture. Part of you is just wishing that I won't be able to cum in time and then you'll be forced to teach me that lesson. After all, a good Daddi never goes back on his word.

I whimper a little bit and so you decide you'd better give my pussy a little spanking. Your fingers smacking up against my wetness again and again is such a pleasurable sensation--audibly, visually, tactilely--that you can't help but do it a little faster and harder, making me drip even more. I continue to make little noises and by now you've had enough of that kind of taunting--the kind that gets your dick rock hard with desire, completely unbeknownst to your innocent, little grrl.

"Shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear another noise out of you, not a single fucking peep. And that includes when you cum--I don't want to hear it. No words, no sounds, nothing. You got that?" Not interested in a response, you continue your threats, "And you'd better fucking hurry up. You don't want to make Daddi hurt you with his cock. You don't want all our guests to watch while you cry out and scream. You don't want them to shove their fingers and cocks into all your holes and make you scream even louder, now do you?" Not getting a quick enough response, you get a little rough with me, grabbing a handful of my pussy and tugging hard. "Answer me, damn it! Do you want them to help your Daddi split you wide open and make you bleed?"

"NO! NO! NO, Daddi! Please, please no, please don't! PLEASE! Pleasepleaseplease! I'll be such a good grrl, please!!"

"Then you better fucking cum for Daddi." You ease up on my lips and spread them again, continuing to tease my opening, just barely pressing inside a bit, fucking me faster and faster with just the pads of your fingertips--priming me for a later date. "That's right,” you say, calming down a bit. “You don't want those guests to see you like this and be forced to help Daddi."

Clearly breaking into a sweat now, I grind my hips into the mattress harder and the sight of my sweet, little ass pumping up and down practically makes you cum in your pants. Sensing the building tension about to break, you press your entire fist up against my cunt. A warning.

Hardly able to speak, I barely manage to get out, "Daddi...may I...please...cum for you?"

Proud that I've remembered to ask, you grant immediate permission. "Yes, baby grrl, cum for Daddi. I wanna feel it."

With that very first word, I’ve begun to tremble and you can feel it shake violently through my entire body. "That's right, sweetheart. That's good. Such a good grrl. Cum for Daddi."

The combination of your words, anger, encouragement, teasing, manhandling, and threats have done a number on me and with the last spasm riding through me, I finally fully collapse into the bed, exhausted, giving my tired muscles a rest.

You wait a minute before removing your hand and neatly pulling my panties back into place--making me quiver ever so slightly. “You know, the Day of Atonement is just around the corner. I have a feeling you’ll be learning the true definition of repentance between now and then.” You give me a couple pats on my bottom as you rise from the bed to exit the room. Pleased, you see that my hair has begun to curl up into those unruly waves and kinks you so enjoy.

Lying there limp on the bed, from down the hall I hear, "Now straighten out your party dress, get yourself together, and don't you even dare think about changing those panties."

Yes, Daddi.

~Kiki DeLovely

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Brickhouse Chronicles: Evolution of Body Image Part 2: Embrace Your Rebellion!


We all hear about how important it is to have a healthy and happy body image but how do you actually go about getting one? First, realize that there is nothing more rebellious and subversive than declaring that you love each and every part of yourself without apology. Once you realize that you are a rebel with a curvaceous cause, here are a few fun tips to help you realize just how fabulous you truly are!

1) Make every activity you engage in an act of pleasure and sensuality- When I refer to sensuality, I don’t mean really slow foreplay, although that is quite fun….I mean engaging all of your senses in everything that you do. So when you engage in a physical activity make sure that you’re having fun! Things such as finding workout buddy who’s company you truly enjoy, taking a dance or martial arts class that has always fascinated you, or even lighting candles and playing relaxing music while you work around the house are just a few of the many ways that you can joyfully make sensuality and pleasure a part of your everyday life.

I would lose my “out and proud fatty” patch if I didn’t’ cover food and eating in this section. If you take anything from this part it’s drop the guilt and add the pleasure! Take out the self hating messages that you tell yourself every time you eat and replace them with the messages that everything and everyone you put into your mouth should be thanking you for the experience! Pleasurably engaging all of your senses when you have a meal or snack can involve something as simple as turning off the TV or computer and just quietly enjoying every tasty morsel or as elaborate as making yourself and/or your loved ones an exotic feast at midnight during the full moon.

When we remember to bring sensuality and pleasure into our lives on a regular basis, our tummies, libidos, and sense of worth will thank us J

2) Go Fuck Yourself! - Seriously I can’t extol the virtues of masturbation and how wonderful it can be for you self esteem enough! Don’t just engage in the standard guilt based 3 minute quickie…Although those are very fun! I’m talking about taking at least an hour and take yourself on a truly magical fuckathon and use every toy in your arsenal! Take your time and take note of how your body responds to different kinds of stimulation. Trying new things on yourself that you’ve always been curious about but have never tried is also a great way of becoming comfortable with a new sensation before introducing a happy and excitable partner into the act! Let’s all remember that flared bases are our friend! Masturbation is also a great way in promoting safe sex. For example, had I tried the altoid trick on myself before I sprung it on the wife I would not have gotten kicked in the head which is definitely not a safe sex practice.

There are many other awesome reasons for masturbation such as: 1) It increases the arsenal of knowledge that you have about your own body which makes you a better communicator and lover 2) It serves as an indirect weed out factor when it comes to selecting a truly compatible and fun play and sex partner. If the potential apple of your eye is put turned off or angrily intimidated by your wealth of self knowledge and insists that they don’t need your input and know what they’re doing when it comes to what makes you feel good, save yourself the sexual horror story and run! For this person sex and sensuality isn’t about pleasure and communication, it’s about feeding their ego and you are too luscious and lusty to waste your time with someone like that

3) Recognize Your desire factor! This is where you are just going to have to face the fact that you’re a sexy beast and people want to do naughty things to you. So next time someone comes up to you and gives you a compliment, don’t doubt for a second that they are being sincere. Embrace your body loving rebellion and reject society’s message that people find your beautiful and unique features and personality sexually unattractive. When in doubt, do what I do in moments of existential crisis….Look at lots of porn!

Seriously, there are few things in the world that indicate what people are really turned on by, than glorious, oh glorious, smut! Feel like no one desires older women? Check out how prevalent MILF and mommy/son role-playing porn sites are! It’s amazing! Think no one ever will want to get in your pants because you’re a pre or post op transgendered person…. than let the vast sea of porn sites that are dedicated to self made hotties like Buck Angel and Allanah Star be your guide. If you think that no one will want to get in your pants because you're a queer man who has a lot to hold on to just peruse the plethora of sites rightfully dedicated to the beautiful bear! If you’re absolutely sure that no one will want to scene and sex you up because you are an ample bodied jiggle factory, then take your one free hand and peruse the over 227,000,000 search results that appear when you enter terms like fat sex, BBW, BHM, and gay bear. In other words, you have no idea how desirable you all truly are. I just want to add a note that I did all of this painful porn research for you people and it was quite an emotional sacrifice (wipes away tear)!

So instead of focusing on those people who didn’t appreciate your goodies take off those blinders and see how many people around you do. You might be very surprised. Also, letting yourself in on the secret of how hot you are means that you’re more likely to engage in fun opportunities of all sorts when they come your way!

4) Openly and Respectfully Recognize the Desire Factor of others!

Being a typical Scorpio, the topics that I’m talking about here, are ones that I hold deep and my heart and nether regions. Nether regions are awesome!!! But before I go into this section, I have a startling confession that I just have to make….Hi may name is Ever and I’m a fat admirer! In the bear community I am what am referred to as a cub or chaser, which is short for chubby chaser. Within the mainstream bbw community I am referred to as an FFA which stands for female fat admirer. Within my household I am referred to by wife as “hey you get your finger out of there! In other worlds I have an immediate physical and sexual response to people with big bodies and I am definitely not alone within the glbt and kink communities for having this preference. I also am an admirer of a couple other traits but since I only had 50 minutes for this presentation I figured that I better focus my libido for better clarity. Besides, nothing makes me happier than watching my wife jiggle around the house in my favorite outfit….NUDITY! Jiggly nether regions are even awesome!!!! Why do I bring this up you ask? Is it out of some twisted exhibitionist fantasy to about my naked wife and the other things that make me horny? Well yeah kinda!

Mainly, I’m saying this because being rebellious is not just about learning to openly embrace the beauty of your own body; it’s also about openly embracing the beauty of the bodies around you. When you take that moment to give someone a compliment, you are more than likely planting a very subversive seed of self esteem in that person’s mind. Learning the language of adoration is fun and challenging because it makes you focus on something outside of yourself, which is something that we all need from time to time. Receiving positive affirmation is something that everyone needs regardless of race, sex, gender expression, and leather identity. Going outside your usual comfort zone to sincerely compliment someone can also be a wonderful way to break the cycle of insecurity based social interactions that we sometimes engage in. For instance, when I was younger and my self esteem was non-existent, I told myself that thin women would not like me because I was fat and dark skinned. It was with this internal message that I justified keeping my interaction with many women tinged with fear based hostility. When I started working on my own self esteem, I realized that the more positive energy I put out there the more I would receive in return and my interaction with slender ladies started to change dramatically. It’s amazing what a difference phrasing can make: Instead of my former catty remark of you need to eat a sandwich, I would happily state that I just wanted to watch them slowly put something in their mouth because it was sexy. As a result, friends were made, flings were had, and life just felt brighter. J

So what are you standing around for? Go forth and spread rebellious message of self love!


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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

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