Leather Bear Tails: When submissives abuse protection

There is a lot of talk about how Dominants abuse the concept of protection, and although many of those are right on the mark it is rarely discussed how submissives can also abuse this concept. I am not saying that that there are not legitimate times when submissives and slaves need to call on their protectors, what I am saying is that sometimes submissives manipulate situations to create a need for the protection to happen. As far as I can see there could be a few reasons why this would happen.

If a submissive or slave feels emotionally charged and energized by the Dominant actively being protective over them, if the submissive is feeling distant and is seeking the dominants attention, if the submissive likes to create drama filled situations, or if the submissive is feeling threatened by the Dominants social activities. All of these have the same result. The submissive creates a situation to feel unsafe, the dominant steps in, sometimes appropriately, sometimes more forcibly then needed, and the submissive get s the attention they desire. The offending person then will usually create a distance between themselves sand the couple, confusion in tow.

We all have disagreements, personality conflicts, and basic misunderstandings, but the submissive who is looking to reengage the Dominant, isolate the Dominant, or create distance between the Dominant and someone in particular will be able to easily do this by creating or continuing a conflict.

The Dominant, thinking that they are stepping in and doing the right thing then gets pulled in and a small, easy to solve conflict becomes more about pride and showboating then it does about problem solving.

As I think back over the last few years, I can remember being on the receiving end of a submissive that created just this type of situation. I didn’t see it at the time, but I can definitely see it now. The Dominant and I were on friendly terms, not friends, but friendly, and the submissive and I had a strong personality conflict. So after a routine business conversation between myself and the submissive, were nothing personal was mentioned, the submissive called the Dominate in. The submissive felt I had been too aggressive, the Dominant felt a need to protect them, and I was left very confused as to how or why I had offended this person. The interesting part is that the submissive has continued this pattern with all of Dominants’ that they have become involved with. I know that sooner or later I am going to be approached by the Dominant saying that I have done something or said something, or not said something that has offended this submissive. So I just stay away from the submissive and whoever they have become involved with to avoid the inevitable. I have watched the submissive isolate their Dominants from other people that the submissive doesn’t like or are threatened by under the guise of needing protection. Honestly I don’t blame the Dominants anymore, after all, they are stepping in and taking charge and creating what they feel is a safe and supportive environment.

However, if clashes resulting in the need to step in occur on a regular basis it might behoove the Dominant to take a step back and ask themselves what do all of these conflicts have in common?

The answer might surprise them.

If you are looking for power munches, play parties, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque are please contact:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Fetlife.com

The group name is:

New Mexico Fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: Under Protection, When it goes right

In leather and BDSM circles protection is a very common concept. In essence it is when one person watches over another and makes sure that they are safe, and /or the person under protection has an advocate to go to if something inappropriate should happen.

When my slave and I first started on our leather journey we had a wonderful friend who would happily take my slave under protection at the times when I could not be around. Since I was working two jobs and in school full time she would have to go out by herself quite often.

There were several factors that made him ideal to have as a protector for my budding slave. He was an established dominate in the community who often knew and had a good rapport with the event organizers. He was good at diffusing difficult situations and did not make bad things worse by escalating them. He had an absolute respect for lesbian space and was not interested in undermining me or our relationship. He had absolutely no interest in my slave for either sex or play, and most importantly he was sincerely interested in her growth and safety.

I would like to say that I knew all of this at the time and that I really sat down and interviewed and screened this person, that I had put a lot of time and thought and energy into it.

But that would be a lie.

The truth is I got lucky. In the beginning I didn’t know enough to know what I was agreeing to by having him be her protector and although I was always grateful for his help when things went wrong (and they did go wrong). It wasn’t until years later that I really understood the scope of what he had done for both her and I.

An example of another successful use of protection – at last year’s event Evo Revo, a young, very experienced single female submissive who was not known for making the best choices in play partners, asked her dominate friend for protection. That way the submissive had an extra pair of eyes and ears to look out for her safety. When the out of town submissive wanted to play with a local dominate the protector stepped in and helped create a safe scene and experience for the submissive.

Although protection is most often viewed as a dominate protecting a submissive it doesn’t always happen that way. More experienced Dominates often take younger dominates under their wing, the same for more experiences submissives and their less experienced counter parts. When I first started out as a growing dominate I had people that I would ask questions to, they guided me and I watched how they moved throughout the community. Although it wasn’t an official protection relationship I am sure that they would have stepped in on my behalf, had I needed it.

I was very very lucky. Had I had to do it all over again I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Except maybe I would have had more money…

If you are looking or power munches, play parties or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area please contact:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you ate looking for an online community find Fetlife.com

The New Mexico group is: New Mexico fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: When Mastery becomes diversion

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Leather Bear Tails: Everyone Has A beginning

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.