Friday, April 29, 2011

Leather Bear Tails: Under Protection, When it goes right

In leather and BDSM circles protection is a very common concept. In essence it is when one person watches over another and makes sure that they are safe, and /or the person under protection has an advocate to go to if something inappropriate should happen.

When my slave and I first started on our leather journey we had a wonderful friend who would happily take my slave under protection at the times when I could not be around. Since I was working two jobs and in school full time she would have to go out by herself quite often.

There were several factors that made him ideal to have as a protector for my budding slave. He was an established dominate in the community who often knew and had a good rapport with the event organizers. He was good at diffusing difficult situations and did not make bad things worse by escalating them. He had an absolute respect for lesbian space and was not interested in undermining me or our relationship. He had absolutely no interest in my slave for either sex or play, and most importantly he was sincerely interested in her growth and safety.

I would like to say that I knew all of this at the time and that I really sat down and interviewed and screened this person, that I had put a lot of time and thought and energy into it.

But that would be a lie.

The truth is I got lucky. In the beginning I didn’t know enough to know what I was agreeing to by having him be her protector and although I was always grateful for his help when things went wrong (and they did go wrong). It wasn’t until years later that I really understood the scope of what he had done for both her and I.

An example of another successful use of protection – at last year’s event Evo Revo, a young, very experienced single female submissive who was not known for making the best choices in play partners, asked her dominate friend for protection. That way the submissive had an extra pair of eyes and ears to look out for her safety. When the out of town submissive wanted to play with a local dominate the protector stepped in and helped create a safe scene and experience for the submissive.

Although protection is most often viewed as a dominate protecting a submissive it doesn’t always happen that way. More experienced Dominates often take younger dominates under their wing, the same for more experiences submissives and their less experienced counter parts. When I first started out as a growing dominate I had people that I would ask questions to, they guided me and I watched how they moved throughout the community. Although it wasn’t an official protection relationship I am sure that they would have stepped in on my behalf, had I needed it.

I was very very lucky. Had I had to do it all over again I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Except maybe I would have had more money…

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Friday, April 22, 2011

Leather Bear Tails: Feeling Powerful , The Dominates prospective

Every Master/Dominant has a different definition of what it takes to be and feel powerful. What it takes to be perceived as powerful and what it takes to maintain that power. These definitions lead to every dominate having a different set of rules and protocol that serve to fill those needs.

For some dominants there is a strict need to reinforce their own power on a consistent basis. These are Masters and Dominates that tend to have a lot of rules and rigidly enforced public as well as private protocols. The slaves and submissives often come across as maids, footman, butlers, and cooks. The showing of emotion is downplayed if not forbidden and obedience is an exact science. Because the behavior of the slave/submissive is directly related to the masters achievement of power, missteps and mistakes, even honest ones are perceived as deliberate and tolerance is low. For submissives and slaves that enjoy the removal of the self and distance from their own emotions these Masters are a perfect fit.

There are others that need o feel more power in public then private, so what they require in each arena can be very difficult. They may have a tight and strict service protocol in public but have a much more relaxed one in private.

Then there are the other Masters of which I am a proud part of. I like to call myself and others that are like me the “invisible collar club”.

We are the people that are secure in the knowledge that our power is there. We don’t feel a need to have our slaves or submissives on a leash- literately. I love it when my slave is out in the world. Oftentimes when we go out to events together after we settle in, she is off drawing out new people, being a social butterfly, and in general going all of the things that I am too tired to do or generally uncomfortable with.

To the outside eye, it may seem that she as a slave is inattentive to her Master, but on closer examination she is doing exactly what I need her to do, with flourish and grace.

At home it is the same thing, I know that when she is done with her duties, she is off doing her own thing, and the entire better for it. Again, this to the outside eye is perceived as she is inattentive and again it is right where I need and love her to be.

It is easy to look at a dynamic and judge for yourself what you think is happening, but always remember the expression of protocol is a varied and unique as those that expect it and those that enact it.

If you are looking for play parties, power munches, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area please contact:

The next AEL Kinkskills is: flogging 1-1 intensives!

If you are looking for an online community go to, and the New Mexico community can be found under the group name :

NewMexico Fetlifers