Friday, February 24, 2012

Local IQ - Sex in the Open

photo by Wes Naman, Local IQ
Writer Hannah Reiter of the Local IQ newspaper interviewed us a couple weeks ago.  It's wonderful to share our story with Albuquerque, and the world.  We often learn it's hard to explain "what Self Serve is" when people haven't been into the store.  If you're new to our community - read on...
 
Local IQ - Sex in the open
Unique Albuquerque business works to demystify sexuality and build an inclusive atmosphere that serves the community

By Hannah Reiter
Self Serve is not your traditional adult toy shop. Owners Molly Adler and Matie Fricker have gone to great lengths to ensure local sexual education and pleasure seekers an experience completely different from that which other Albuquerque retailers offer. With an award-winning business model, years of experience and unmatched passion, Adler and Fricker have made a living transforming sexual education and pleasure in Albuquerque over the past five years.

\In a recent interview, and with Valentine’s day right around the corner, Adler and Fricker let Local iQ in on a few of their not-so-dirty little secrets for building a successful business focused on love and sex.

“We loved the idea of creating a space that any adult can walk in and feel safe and comfortable and find resources,” Adler said of her business philosophy. “Across the board, we try to lead with the message that sex is healthy and pleasure is good for you. And having some education around how and with whom you have sex is the best way to ensure that,” Fricker added.

The owners of Self Serve have succeeded in crafting that space. The store’s atmosphere is warm, inviting and very hands-on, and Fricker and Adler are personable, welcoming and exceptionally knowledgeable.

Hailing from Boston with backgrounds in public health and social justice, respectively, Adler and Fricker decided six years ago over a bottle of wine that they wanted to tackle the peaks and pitfalls of owning their own business. At the time, Adler was managing an adult boutique, while Fricker was debating a future in law. “I could go into debt for law school or I could go into debt to start a sex shop,” said Fricker.

Ultimately they decided that owning their own business would allow them the freedom and forum to pursue their passions and make a difference in a community that was lacking a “sex-positive” message. After a year of struggling to secure funding, the two were finally able to make the move to Albuquerque and open shop in 2007.

So why did these two Boston natives choose Albuquerque, of all places, to open an adult boutique? Lots and lots of research. “While there is a lot of conservative history and religious culture,” Fricker noted of Albuquerque, “there is also a very open-minded population and a high density of same-sex households. We found a very clear ‘live-and-let-live’ attitude.”

It’s that tolerant attitude from the community and a unique approach to business that has allowed Self Serve to stay afloat, even in this tough economy. As well as selling adult toys and accessories, Adler and Fricker offer a full-on adult resource center, the core of which is education. Self Serve holds at least two classes a week on everything from how to talk to your kids about sex, to the art of burlesque dancing, to massage techniques for couples and sex for aging people (for a full list of classes offered, visit selfservetoys.com).

Community outreach is also a fundamental piece of the Self Serve business model. “There are two main ways we partner with the community. One is within our neighborhood. We’re active with the Nob Hill business association and Nob Hill Main Street. The other way is through donations to and support of sexual health and wellness in the community,” Adler said, noting that her business does events and fundraisers for such organizations as New Mexico Aids Services, The Rape Crisis Center, Planned Parenthood and the state Department of Health.

Fricker also talks to youth at the New Day Shelter once a month about sexuality and empowerment. While the program is controversial, Fricker explained, “It immediately lowers their risk factors. If you just say to teenagers, ‘Sex shouldn’t hurt,’ it changes everything.”

While Fricker and Adler teach many of the classes at Self Serve themselves, they also import local and national instructors to ensure that their seminars are well-rounded, in-depth and fun. For Valentine’s Day they will host a free chocolate and body treat tasting event. “It can be part of your Valentine’s Day activity,” Adler said. “The store will be open till 9, so grab an early dinner or cocktail, then come in after.”

While some may be intimidated by the idea of walking into the shop for a class or consultation, or to buy adult toys, rest assured that Adler and Fricker have designed an experience meant to comfort the nerves of anyone, whether novice or expert.

“We are very serious about being inclusive and having a space that has resources, products and answers for men and women, straight and gay, transgender, young and old, single and married and divorced. All of the above,” Adler said.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Last Minute Valentine's Ideas!

Last Minute Valentine's Gifts 
Act like you planned it all along!

  1. Make a dinner date for the weekend after Valentine's Day (It falls on a weeknight after all)
  2. Get him a Tenga Flip Hole
  3. Cook a surprise dinner, or get your favorite take out and save time for lovin'
  4. Make custom date coupons
  5. Invest in a We Vibe 3 -this couple's sex toy is fun for everyone!
  6. Hire a babysitter when your partner’s not expecting it
  7. Make a mix of your songs
  8. Get her a new vibrator
  9. Give a massage with a romantic massage oil candle
  10. Make a sexy crossword puzzle
  11. Oral sex is always a great last minute gift idea
  12. Make out for more than 2 minutes... seriously
  13. Commit to doing any of these ideas not on Valentine’s Day in a few days, a week or a month from now.  It will be even more beautiful when it's spontaneous…

Albuquerque Events and 
Valentine's Date Ideas

FEBRUARY 13
Still no Valentine's gift? Head to Papers and get supplies to craft your own personal Valentine.  Some of the best gifts are hand made!  And they have hella yummy caramels, too.

FEBRUARY 14

GetEqual NM Valentine's Day Rally for Equal Rights

Fight for same-sex marriage equality in New Mexico!
Marriage Applications @ 10:30am in ABQ 

Albuquerque Rally is @ 11:30am, Civic Plaza
Santa Fe Rally is @ 2:00pm
, the Roundhouse

Free Anonymous HIV Testing at Self Serve!
First Nations Community Health Source is providing FREE on-site mobile HIV testing at our shop.  Get tested and know your status. They also have a massage therapy special available right now - details online!

Self Serve Chocolate and Body Treat Tasting
We'll provide free chocolate samples, a chocolate fountain and body treats to sample during your Valentine's Day shopping.  This Valentine's Day, explore sensual ideas, learn new bedroom techniques or pick up a new game or toy.  Free, 5-9 pm, 3904b Central Ave SE in Upper Nob Hill 

Lip Service: a Dirty Zine Reading w/Annah Anti Palindrome & On a Clear Day
ABQ Zine Fest presents another dirty, DIRTY zine reading!
Don't let Valentine's Day get you down! Spend it with us and a sh*t-load of dirty words turned into filthy stories! Bring your lover(s) too . . . $5-$15 sliding scale, 7-9:30 pm at Winning Coffee, 111 Harvard SE

Larry's Hats in Nob Hill
Offering wine, a vintage jewelry sale and a free yacht cap with every purchase!



FEBRUARY 16
 
Celebrate National Condom Week at First Nations Community Healthsource!  HIV 101 info session, with some light snacks and drinks 12-2 pm. Free HIV testing available before and after the event.  Let someone know you want to take the relationship to the next level - get tested!

FEBRUARY 17

Massage Techniques for Couples

This class at Self Serve is an introduction to massage techniques you can use at home to impress (and relax) the one(s) you love.  Bring a partner for this hands-on, clothed class. 8:30 pm, $28 /pair
 
FEBRUARY 18

Join Avery Kalapa and Dr. Rasa Lila for a delicious afternoon workshop, geared for anyone interested in deepening their felt experience of love and appreciation.  We will explore yoga asana, Tantra techniques, and sacred sound to create a safe, yet profound transformational sensual journey. 1 pm - 5:30 pm  /   |  High Desert Yoga, 4600 Copper Avenue NE


Friday, February 3, 2012

Alternative Valentine's Guide for ABQ

Why have a boring Valentine's Day?  Come to think of it, why have a boring month?  There are lots of creative Valentine's Date ideas in our guide, and plenty of fun events for singles to live it up.  Not feeling creative?  Now you have no excuse!  Do something fun.  Start today.

Self Serve's
Alternative Valentine's Guide for ABQ

All Month
Rt 66 Pin Ups ~ With every purchase in February:
  • a gift card for a free boudoir session with Kevin's Photography
  • 20% off cut, color, or style by Jessica at Dollface Salon
  • 10% off your next purchase from 66 Pin-Ups
Betty's Bath & Day Spa Specials
Give yourself the gift of indulgence or book a private hot tub

Post your personal ad already
Just about everyone's doing it.  Not sure where to go?  Locally, try the Alibi, checkout Fetlife for something different, or post to the biggies and start shopping. 

Enter the first-annual Bookworks Anti-Valentine's Day Contest and share your misery with the world! Submit your best worst date story to events@bkwrks.com (under 250 words, please) by Feb. 10. Three (un)lucky submitters - the saddest, most horrifying, or most heinous stories, as decided by Bookworks staff - will win some great prizes.


FEBRUARY 3
 

Self Serve Wine and Chocolate Tasting
6-8 pm, rsvp required, 21+

Local IQ Singles Mixer 6-8 pm
swanky, interactive single's party at Q Bar

The Octopus and the Fox 1 Year Anniversary Party
6-10 pm, Celebrate 1 year with art and cupcakes!

FEBRUARY 8

Self Serve Intro to Couples' Toys
Learn about ways to increase intimacy, create newness and provide more pleasure for both parties. 7:30 pm, Free, at Self Serve, 3904b Central SE, Upper Nob Hill

FEBRUARY 10-11

6th Annual Southwest Burlesque Showcase
Friday & Saturday, 8 pm
at the KiMo Theatre, 18+
Tickets $14-$20, available now online or at the Kimo Box Office.
Buy early, these shows WILL SELL OUT

FEBRUARY 11
 

Burlesque, Puppetry & Performance Classes 
at the Southwest Burlesque Showcase
8 different classes throughout the day!  Details online


Adults Only Zoo Tours
Indulge your animal instincts with special tours about the exotic, erotic and often curious romantic rituals of animals. 2 pm, $10 at the gate


Stand Up Comedy at the Guild
10:30 pm Local comedians Matt Peterson, Rusty Rutherford, James Morrow, Joe Quesada and Roger Peterson will be tag teaming the mic for our humor sensory good times!

FEBRUARY 12

Local Love Bazaar 1-4 pm

Buy local for V Day!
at 5321 Acoma Rd. SE (off San Mateo between Central & Zuni)


FEBRUARY 13
Still no Valentine's gift? Head to Papers and get supplies to craft your own personal Valentine.  Some of the best gifts are hand made!  And they have hella yummy caramels, too.


FEBRUARY 14

GetEqual NM Valentine's Day Rally for Equal Rights

Fight for same-sex marriage equality in New Mexico!
Marriage Applications @ 10:30am in ABQ 

Albuquerque Rally is @ 11:30am, Civic Plaza
Santa Fe Rally is @ 2:00pm
, the Roundhouse


Free Anonymous HIV Testing at Self Serve!
First Nations Community Health Source is providing FREE on-site mobile HIV testing at our shop.  Get tested and know your status. They also have a massage therapy special available right now - details online!

Self Serve Chocolate and Body Treat Tasting

We'll provide free chocolate samples, a chocolate fountain and body treats to sample during your Valentine's Day shopping.  This Valentine's Day, explore sensual ideas, learn new bedroom techniques or pick up a new game or toy.  Free, 5-9 pm, 3904b Central Ave SE in Upper Nob Hill  


Lip Service: a Dirty Zine Reading w/Annah Anti Palindrome & On a Clear Day
ABQ Zine Fest presents another dirty, DIRTY zine reading!
Don't let Valentine's Day get you down! Spend it with us and a sh*t-load of dirty words turned into filthy stories! Bring your lover(s) too . . . $5-$15 sliding scale, 7-9:30 pm at Winning Coffee, 111 Harvard SE

Larry's Hats in Nob Hill
Offering wine, a vintage jewelry sale and a free yacht cap with every purchase!



FEBRUARY 17

Massage Techniques for Couples
This class at Self Serve is an introduction to massage techniques you can use at home to impress (and relax) the one(s) you love.  Bring a partner for this hands-on, clothed class. 8:30 pm, $28/pair
 

FEBRUARY 18




Yoga and Tantra: An Experiential Journey into Self Love
Join Avery Kalapa and Dr. Rasa Lila for a delicious afternoon workshop, geared for anyone interested in deepening their felt experience of love and appreciation.  We will explore yoga asana, Tantra techniques, and sacred sound to create a safe, yet profound transformational sensual journey. 1 pm - 5:30 pm $45/50 |  High Desert Yoga, 4600 Copper Avenue NE

Animal Humane's Tail Date Mixer
1 pm at the Barley Room
a club for dog lovers to meet and socialize

FEBRUARY 18-19

Vagina Monologues at UNM

Saturday, Feb. 18th at 7:00PM
Sunday, Feb. 19th at 2:00PM
Theatre X, in the basement of Popejoy Hall



FEBRUARY 23

Lesbian Sex Secrets for Guys 
Have you ever wondered what lesbians do in bed? Join Matie, one of Self Serve’s owners for an in-depth, no holds barred discussion on female pleasure. We’ll discuss the 12 secrets they never taught you in sex ed to rock her world.  $15 at Self Serve, 3904 Central Ave SE in Upper Nob Hill


Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Sex Positive Culture Jamming



On Monday, January 30th, I was part of a quiet, revolutionary act.  While people drove on Central Ave, Route 66 in Nob Hill, Albuquerque, their drive was interrupted by signs of sex positivity.  There were only five of us standing on the median, but our messages still led to smiles, laughs and hopefully feelings of well being among unexpected commuters.

I love the concept of culture jamming and random acts of kindness.  I also love the idea of combining the two.

Culture jamming is often used to describe disrupting corporate messages to the masses in media like Adbusters.  But it also means simply challenging socially accepted behavior and using a public forum to change the negative, mainstream messages people see and hear all around them.  Random acts of kindness are a simple way to offer more kindness and generosity in the world, without apparently getting anything in return.  One of my favorite stories is the Free Hugs campaign documented on youtube.

Sex negativity is everywhere.
We have begun challenging it in creative, positive, and affirming ways.  On Monday, we simply held up signs with sex positive, body positive messages. 

What's the ABQ Sex positive Street team?
A direct action group created by and for the community of Albuquerque. Our goal through the year of 2012 is to do a bimonthly action aimed at responding to issues of sex negativity with messages of sex positivity

Why now?
Self Serve is celebrating five years of spreading the love in ABQ!  We love what we do everyday in our store and out in the community. We believe that we are changing the culture around sexuality one conversation at a time. We can say with confidence that the space that we share at 3904 Central in Albuquerque is safe space to talk about sexuality, our bodies, our feelings, and anything else that comes up. Creating safe space around sexuality is our daily job and we love it.

We wish the world was a safer space for sexuality.
It's not.

We are activists at heart and working to create empowering events that support the radical acceptance of self and desire.

In a world where custom paint colors and even designer water are easy to come by, the basic human need for a healthy sex life too often goes unspoken or dismissed. Sexuality is everywhere, yet access to good information, discussion and products for promoting healthy sexuality is limited.

We hope that by taking to the streets we will help create a more sex positive world. We want to start a community group that is created by and for our community, because our voices together are hard to ignore.

Learn More...


What is sex positivity?
"The sex-positive movement is an ideology which promotes and embraces open sexuality with few limits. Sex positivity is "an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement advocates sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign."[1] The movement makes no moral distinctions among types of sexual activities, regarding these choices as matters of personal preference." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement

What is Direct Action?
Activists have used direct actions to spur significant social change, such as the occupation of the all-white lunch counters during the sixties, the Montgomery Bus Boycott, the anti-Vietnam and Gulf War protests, and the American Indian Movement occupation of Wounded Knee. Many famous activists have participated in civil disobedience, including the Reverend Martin Luther King, Ghandi and Rosa Parks. These actions have brought attention to many injustices and led to the growth of progressive movements.
http://www.ibiblio.org/netchange/cco/orgaction.html

Even if the media buries the story, activists see each other. For a few minutes or an hour you own a chunk of public space. You exist in a way you don't at home alone. Your voice and your life are amplified in unimaginable ways
http://www.lesbianavengers.com/direct_action.shtml


Join the ABQ Sex Positive Street Team!
Join on Facebook or sign up online...