Local IQ - Sex in the Open

photo by Wes Naman, Local IQ

Writer Hannah Reiter of the Local IQ newspaper interviewed us a couple weeks ago.  It's wonderful to share our story with Albuquerque, and the world.  We often learn it's hard to explain "what Self Serve is" when people haven't been into the store.  If you're new to our community - read on...
 
Local IQ - Sex in the open
Unique Albuquerque business works to demystify sexuality and build an inclusive atmosphere that serves the community

By Hannah Reiter
Self Serve is not your traditional adult toy shop. Owners Molly Adler and Matie Fricker have gone to great lengths to ensure local sexual education and pleasure seekers an experience completely different from that which other Albuquerque retailers offer. With an award-winning business model, years of experience and unmatched passion, Adler and Fricker have made a living transforming sexual education and pleasure in Albuquerque over the past five years.

\In a recent interview, and with Valentine’s day right around the corner, Adler and Fricker let Local iQ in on a few of their not-so-dirty little secrets for building a successful business focused on love and sex.

“We loved the idea of creating a space that any adult can walk in and feel safe and comfortable and find resources,” Adler said of her business philosophy. “Across the board, we try to lead with the message that sex is healthy and pleasure is good for you. And having some education around how and with whom you have sex is the best way to ensure that,” Fricker added.

The owners of Self Serve have succeeded in crafting that space. The store’s atmosphere is warm, inviting and very hands-on, and Fricker and Adler are personable, welcoming and exceptionally knowledgeable.

Hailing from Boston with backgrounds in public health and social justice, respectively, Adler and Fricker decided six years ago over a bottle of wine that they wanted to tackle the peaks and pitfalls of owning their own business. At the time, Adler was managing an adult boutique, while Fricker was debating a future in law. “I could go into debt for law school or I could go into debt to start a sex shop,” said Fricker.

Ultimately they decided that owning their own business would allow them the freedom and forum to pursue their passions and make a difference in a community that was lacking a “sex-positive” message. After a year of struggling to secure funding, the two were finally able to make the move to Albuquerque and open shop in 2007.

So why did these two Boston natives choose Albuquerque, of all places, to open an adult boutique? Lots and lots of research. “While there is a lot of conservative history and religious culture,” Fricker noted of Albuquerque, “there is also a very open-minded population and a high density of same-sex households. We found a very clear ‘live-and-let-live’ attitude.”

It’s that tolerant attitude from the community and a unique approach to business that has allowed Self Serve to stay afloat, even in this tough economy. As well as selling adult toys and accessories, Adler and Fricker offer a full-on adult resource center, the core of which is education. Self Serve holds at least two classes a week on everything from how to talk to your kids about sex, to the art of burlesque dancing, to massage techniques for couples and sex for aging people (for a full list of classes offered, visit selfservetoys.com).

Community outreach is also a fundamental piece of the Self Serve business model. “There are two main ways we partner with the community. One is within our neighborhood. We’re active with the Nob Hill business association and Nob Hill Main Street. The other way is through donations to and support of sexual health and wellness in the community,” Adler said, noting that her business does events and fundraisers for such organizations as New Mexico Aids Services, The Rape Crisis Center, Planned Parenthood and the state Department of Health.

Fricker also talks to youth at the New Day Shelter once a month about sexuality and empowerment. While the program is controversial, Fricker explained, “It immediately lowers their risk factors. If you just say to teenagers, ‘Sex shouldn’t hurt,’ it changes everything.”

While Fricker and Adler teach many of the classes at Self Serve themselves, they also import local and national instructors to ensure that their seminars are well-rounded, in-depth and fun. For Valentine’s Day they will host a free chocolate and body treat tasting event. “It can be part of your Valentine’s Day activity,” Adler said. “The store will be open till 9, so grab an early dinner or cocktail, then come in after.”

While some may be intimidated by the idea of walking into the shop for a class or consultation, or to buy adult toys, rest assured that Adler and Fricker have designed an experience meant to comfort the nerves of anyone, whether novice or expert.

“We are very serious about being inclusive and having a space that has resources, products and answers for men and women, straight and gay, transgender, young and old, single and married and divorced. All of the above,” Adler said.

Shhh! Self Serve's Website is "Getting Work Done"

Here's a sneak peek!

Self Serve has been secretly working on website design! We are improving navigation and putting a whole new, fresh, pretty face on our website.

Our new website will feature streamlined sex information, easier shopping menus and a new sale of the week section! Stay tuned for a new look soon.

Feel free to hang out on our current website now and spend some time together before the transition.

Pornotopia Film Festival News Update

Thank you Marisa DeMarco at the Alibi for a sane, clear account of our Pornotopia censorship struggle. We hope our festival is only screwed in a good way soon.

There was more news coverage at UNM's Daily Lobo and Channel 27's indie TV station, too.

Porn Makes Headlines, Healthy Sexuality? Not so much.

A woman's life can be changed forever when she learns to love her body. Gaining strength and confidence in her power and beauty can make her whole. Her self love will potentially influence her romantic relationships, her family life, her career and more all for the better.

But this sort of personal transformation is of little interest to the mainstream media and is not considered big news. A couple's intimate reunion after an affair is not making headlines. A newly out transgender person's confidence and self love is not typically getting the attention of the TV reporter. A woman's first orgasm at 47 is apparently inappropriate for evening broadcast.

But the controversy of potential porn in your local movie theater is the scary and racy enough headline that gets our city's attention.

When we recently blogged on our beloved, local Duke City Fix about Pornotopia Film Festival 2010 being censored and on hold, we were greeted with rich, enthusiastic dialogue about porn, sexuality and censorship. It's exactly the kind of healthy community discussion which we relish.

One commenter on the thread made me think. He posed, "The censorship bloody shirt gets waved around fairly regularly by the Self Serve bunch. Sometimes you wonder if it is not central to their marketing..."

It truly made me think about what we do that matters most at Self Serve. Yes, the 1st amendment and free speech are gravely important to me. But do I want to spend all my time fighting for it? Personally, I don't.

When the local news stopped by to interview me about Pornotopia the other day, I had to briefly step away from a customer. A woman holding a sleeping toddler had brought in her friend to Self Serve for the first time. The friend was looking for a sex toy she could use with her husband. She was soft-spoken and a bit shy. I assured her the news and camera would not film or record her at all, and assured her of the safe space we provide. I answered questions about using a toy with her husband. She smiled and relaxed a bit as we talked. After our conversation, she seemed a lot more at ease being near all the toys and asking me, a stranger, about sex tips.

Giving people that reassurance and peace of mind about sex and relationships makes me proud. So many of us have pent-up, shame-filled questions and concerns about our bodies, our sex lives and our intimate relationships. It's challenging to even talk about it in public or admit that we don't know everything. These deeply intimate and utterly human questions deserve space for discussion and healing. That is what Self Serve provides.

Porn may be part of that pleasure and healing for some. So what? Big deal. As Alan Isaacman states in the film The People vs. Larry Flynt:

I like that I live in a country where I can pick up Hustler magazine, read it if I want or throw it in the trash if that's where I think it belongs. Or I can not buy it. I like that right. I care about it. And you should care about it too, because we live in a free country.

We say that a lot, but sometimes we forget what that means, so listen again. We live in a free country. That is a powerful idea. That's a magnificent way to live. But there is a price for that freedom, which is that sometimes we have to tolerate things that we don't necessarily like.

Consenting adults should have the right to watch some porn if they want. And yes, even at a public movie theater if they so choose.

When the media rallies around Pornotopia Film Festival to get the scoop, what are they really focused on? Are they worried about infringements on the first amendment? Are they concerned groundbreaking erotic films will get censored? Or are they excited at any hot topic with the word porn in it?

It's easier to go around talking about the first amendment and free speech, political and broad issues, than to have an honest discussion about what turns us on and what is missing in our sex lives. Sure, I'd love it if the news came and interviewed us about real people's lives changing after visiting Self Serve. But no station is knocking down our door with concerns about female libido during menopause.

We're not trying to get censored at every turn, Muskrat Sam. But when real sex in film, a woman's vulva or a group of feminists loving porn is too dangerous to be allowed publicly online or in theaters, we are going to respond as loudly as possible.

If someone's life does change in a profound way because they heard about Self Serve via Pornotopia or news about Pornotopia, then I'm proud that our role as porn freedom fighters is doing some good.