Friday, April 29, 2011

Leather Bear Tails: Under Protection, When it goes right

In leather and BDSM circles protection is a very common concept. In essence it is when one person watches over another and makes sure that they are safe, and /or the person under protection has an advocate to go to if something inappropriate should happen.

When my slave and I first started on our leather journey we had a wonderful friend who would happily take my slave under protection at the times when I could not be around. Since I was working two jobs and in school full time she would have to go out by herself quite often.

There were several factors that made him ideal to have as a protector for my budding slave. He was an established dominate in the community who often knew and had a good rapport with the event organizers. He was good at diffusing difficult situations and did not make bad things worse by escalating them. He had an absolute respect for lesbian space and was not interested in undermining me or our relationship. He had absolutely no interest in my slave for either sex or play, and most importantly he was sincerely interested in her growth and safety.

I would like to say that I knew all of this at the time and that I really sat down and interviewed and screened this person, that I had put a lot of time and thought and energy into it.

But that would be a lie.

The truth is I got lucky. In the beginning I didn’t know enough to know what I was agreeing to by having him be her protector and although I was always grateful for his help when things went wrong (and they did go wrong). It wasn’t until years later that I really understood the scope of what he had done for both her and I.

An example of another successful use of protection – at last year’s event Evo Revo, a young, very experienced single female submissive who was not known for making the best choices in play partners, asked her dominate friend for protection. That way the submissive had an extra pair of eyes and ears to look out for her safety. When the out of town submissive wanted to play with a local dominate the protector stepped in and helped create a safe scene and experience for the submissive.

Although protection is most often viewed as a dominate protecting a submissive it doesn’t always happen that way. More experienced Dominates often take younger dominates under their wing, the same for more experiences submissives and their less experienced counter parts. When I first started out as a growing dominate I had people that I would ask questions to, they guided me and I watched how they moved throughout the community. Although it wasn’t an official protection relationship I am sure that they would have stepped in on my behalf, had I needed it.

I was very very lucky. Had I had to do it all over again I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Except maybe I would have had more money…

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