Friday, May 6, 2011

Leather Bear Tails: When submissives abuse protection

There is a lot of talk about how Dominants abuse the concept of protection, and although many of those are right on the mark it is rarely discussed how submissives can also abuse this concept. I am not saying that that there are not legitimate times when submissives and slaves need to call on their protectors, what I am saying is that sometimes submissives manipulate situations to create a need for the protection to happen. As far as I can see there could be a few reasons why this would happen.

If a submissive or slave feels emotionally charged and energized by the Dominant actively being protective over them, if the submissive is feeling distant and is seeking the dominants attention, if the submissive likes to create drama filled situations, or if the submissive is feeling threatened by the Dominants social activities. All of these have the same result. The submissive creates a situation to feel unsafe, the dominant steps in, sometimes appropriately, sometimes more forcibly then needed, and the submissive get s the attention they desire. The offending person then will usually create a distance between themselves sand the couple, confusion in tow.

We all have disagreements, personality conflicts, and basic misunderstandings, but the submissive who is looking to reengage the Dominant, isolate the Dominant, or create distance between the Dominant and someone in particular will be able to easily do this by creating or continuing a conflict.

The Dominant, thinking that they are stepping in and doing the right thing then gets pulled in and a small, easy to solve conflict becomes more about pride and showboating then it does about problem solving.

As I think back over the last few years, I can remember being on the receiving end of a submissive that created just this type of situation. I didn’t see it at the time, but I can definitely see it now. The Dominant and I were on friendly terms, not friends, but friendly, and the submissive and I had a strong personality conflict. So after a routine business conversation between myself and the submissive, were nothing personal was mentioned, the submissive called the Dominate in. The submissive felt I had been too aggressive, the Dominant felt a need to protect them, and I was left very confused as to how or why I had offended this person. The interesting part is that the submissive has continued this pattern with all of Dominants’ that they have become involved with. I know that sooner or later I am going to be approached by the Dominant saying that I have done something or said something, or not said something that has offended this submissive. So I just stay away from the submissive and whoever they have become involved with to avoid the inevitable. I have watched the submissive isolate their Dominants from other people that the submissive doesn’t like or are threatened by under the guise of needing protection. Honestly I don’t blame the Dominants anymore, after all, they are stepping in and taking charge and creating what they feel is a safe and supportive environment.

However, if clashes resulting in the need to step in occur on a regular basis it might behoove the Dominant to take a step back and ask themselves what do all of these conflicts have in common?

The answer might surprise them.

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