Secret Fantasies

So many of us hold consistent sexual fantasies that fuel our desire, and yet too often they are held secret, never shared with those we love.

A brief advice column in the Guardian recently summed it up for many women.  A British Psychotherapist Brett Kahr completed a vast study in 2007 on sexual behavior and fantasy.  He found some amazing results about fantasies:

• There is no "normal."  After studying 19,000 fantasies he only found consistency in their diversity.
• Everyone has fantasies.  The study found 96 per cent of British adult males and about 90 per cent of females report having sexual fantasies. 
• Some fantasies can lead to deeper intimacy, but some may not work out as planned.  Acting out fantasies requires a great deal of compassion, creativity and trust on behalf of the partnership, and I have seen a number of marriages founder when such role-plays have gone awry. Certainly psychotherapists would recommend much consideration before enacting a sexual fantasy scenario, bearing in mind that a fantasy and a reality might be experienced rather differently.