Thursday, May 12, 2011

Secret Fantasies

So many of us hold consistent sexual fantasies that fuel our desire, and yet too often they are held secret, never shared with those we love.

A brief advice column in the Guardian recently summed it up for many women.  A British Psychotherapist Brett Kahr completed a vast study in 2007 on sexual behavior and fantasy.  He found some amazing results about fantasies:
  • There is no "normal."  After studying 19,000 fantasies he only found consistency in their diversity.
  • Everyone has fantasies.  The study found 96 per cent of British adult males and about 90 per cent of females report having sexual fantasies. 
  • Some fantasies can lead to deeper intimacy, but some may not work out as planned.  Acting out fantasies requires a great deal of compassion, creativity and trust on behalf of the partnership, and I have seen a number of marriages founder when such role-plays have gone awry. Certainly psychotherapists would recommend much consideration before enacting a sexual fantasy scenario, bearing in mind that a fantasy and a reality might be experienced rather differently.

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