- Use your words, and use open ended questions. Yes/No questions don't elicit enough detail. Start with, “what would your fantasy date night include?” It might not always be sex!
- Show & Tell! Show how you like it and watch your partner pleasure themselves. It’s a very powerful explanation and sexy to watch.
- Ask what kind of rhythm do you like? faster or slower?
- Tell your partner what works. Focus on that--not what doesn't.
- Talk about how sex connects you to your partner.
- Admit you don’t know everything -that's normal!
- Recognize with partner(s) that desires, wants and abilities change over time.
- Put your partners hand where you want it, use firmness, touch, positioning by example. Remember you don’t necessarily want the same thing.
- Write each other notes (like old school ‘check yes or no if you want to try’...) and put them in the lunch bag, wallet or briefcase for a surprise later.
- Talk over brunch, not in the bedroom - the pressure can be too much when you’re about to do it.
- Use position cards or books to share ideas -highlight or underline ideas you like
- Make a date night wish list or sexy gift registry at Self Serve & send each other in to shop
- Watch porn and actually discuss what you found hot or yucky. Be supportive and open! If you make shocked faces at what your partner likes, they’re likely to retreat and withhold their opinions next time.
- Try blindfolds –they elevate anticipation & reduce performance anxiety
- Write a love note and tell them what you want to do later with a dry erase pen on the bathroom mirror.
- Underline your favorite parts of an erotica book. Read sections out loud to each other later.
- Kiss for at least 10 seconds once a day. You'll be surprised how long and luxurious 10 seconds can feel!
- Create a code word for romantic time and use it freely in public. For example, "I'd love to meet up with Mr. Jones later tonight... or “I’d love mangos tonight for dessert”
- Plan two date nights and take turns planning the details.
- Send each other naughty texts when you're at a restaurant, a meeting or family gathering. Just don't get caught!
