Bisexuality Gets Visible in Health Care

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Mini Self Serve Workshops at Pridefest

This year at ABQ PrideFest on Saturday, June 30th, there is a hot new entertainment area- bringing the SEX back to sexual identity at Pride!

Our sexuality is an important part of being human.  Having consensual, safe and fulfilling sex throughout our adulthood is both satisfying and adds to our growth experience.  Unleash is one of the many new features of PrideFest that will offer a private place for adults to receive education and experiment with new ideas about sex.  And it's inside, so you can take a break from the hot sun!

Molly and Matie of Self Serve are offering free mini sex ed workshops at Unleash.  Our schedule:

3:45 pm  Our Favorite LGBT-friendly Sex Toys:  Meet your new best friend! Join Self Serve co-owner Matie Fricker for a quick run down of the TOP TEN LGBT Sex Toys.

4:15 pm  Hot Safer Sex:  We know we should have safer sex, but often we don't know how to make safe sex sexy. Join Self Serve co-owner Matie Fricker in a quickie that will give you the tools to use safe sex supplies to have the best sex EVER.

5:00 pm  Strap Ons:  Get Self Serve's Top 10 Tips for having better strap on sex.  Learn about the newest gear, Reach the best hot spots, Find your rhythm and own it!

5:30 pm  Trans Sex Tips:  Self Serve co-owner & Sex Educator Molly Adler will provide sex tips for trans folks and their partners. Gain resources, Find sex positive language, Explore toys & Get creative in the skin you're in!

Unleash will be open from 11am-6pm with shopping, photos, and hanging out—cool down after the Parade! Take a “Break the Shame Chain” photo (photos will be available with Alibi and Fox Fotography).

Many have come together to present…

• New Mexico Leather League: Demonstrations of Single Tail, Temporary Piercing, Florentine Flogging, and Decorative Rope Work.  Also, a “What Is Leather” Discussion.
• New Mexico: The Next Generation: ”Negotiation 101″ class, and demonstrations on Mummification and Rhythmic Spanking.
• New Mexico FetLifers: ”How to Play Kinky with a Cupcake”. Learn how to spice it up, talk to your partner, and some basics of fetish fun with our amazing Cupcake!. Also, poetry by Rich Boucher, rope demonstration by Troll, and violet wand demonstration with CountBlackRose.
• NovelTease New Mexico: The lost stage art of Burlesque.
• Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center: Sex education for grown-ups.

Lots more at Unleash all day!  Check out burlesque, kink, lectures and more.  There are 2 stages and lots to see.  Here is the full schedule:

12:30 pm   NM Leather League Demonstrations & Discussion

1:00 pm     NovelTease Burlesque

1:30 pm     The Next Generation Demos & Education

2:30 pm     How to Play Kinky with a Cupcake

3:00 pm     NovelTease Burlesque

3:30 pm     Leather: Who Needs it? with Special Guest Patrick Mulcahey -link

3:45 pm     Self Serve Sex Ed: LGBT friendly Sex Toys

4:15 pm     Self Serve Sex Ed: Hot Safer Sex

4:30 pm     Poetry by Rich Boucher

4:50 pm     Rope Demonstration by Troll

5:00 pm     Self Serve Sex Ed: Strap Ons

5:10 pm     Violet Wand Demonstration

5:30 pm     Self Serve Sex Ed:  Trans Sex Tips

Pridefest admission starts at $15.  Purchase tickets online through June 29th

Self Serve on Coyote 102.5

Join Molly & Matie on 102.5!  We will be offering sex advice with Erica Viking and Big Benny on Coyote 102.5 every Tuesday morning at 9 am.

We'll answer sex questions, introduce new sex toys, and share resources for learning more.  Use the Self Serve, Big Benny or Erica Viking Facebook pages to suggest topics and ask questions!  You can listen from anywhere... click to listen streaming online.

We'll see if Big Benny is wearing a shirt come tomorrow morning...

Sex After 50 in the ABQ Journal

We were pleased to see another article highlighting sex for people over 50 in this week's Albuquerque Journal.  Our culture is not too sex positive when it comes to aging, but that's one more reason Self Serve exists.  Here's to a life of much pleasure, at any age!

TURN DOWN THE LIGHTS  

It’s just a myth that people in their 50s and 60s aren’t interested in sex 

 

BY RICK NATHANSON    

from the Albuquerque Journal, June 3, 2012

 

Ask young people if they think their parents and grandparents still enjoy sex, and it may evoke a roll of the eyes and an exclamation of “gross!” 

 

That “ick” factor is partly the result of living in a youth-obsessed culture, and partly the result of the myth that people reaching their 50s and 60s are neither sexy nor interested in sex, says Molly Adler, a sexuality educator and co-owner of Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center in Albuquerque. 

 

The Nob Hill store (selfservetoys.com  ) sells sex toys, books, body products, videos and other adult fare in a fun, informative and guilt-free setting. 

 

It’s a fact that bodies do change as they get older, and some of these changes are physiological and have a direct impact on a person’s desire or ability to perform sexually as they did when younger, says Dr. Aaron Geswaldo, a urologist with Albuquerque Urology Associates. 

 

There is a correlation between good health and good sex. Simply put, says Geswaldo, eat healthy; maintain an ideal weight range; exercise to improve strength and cardiovascular circulation; get high blood pressure, diabetes and other conditions controlled by medication if necessary; and stop smoking (besides the other health dangers associated with smoking, nicotine can constrict blood vessels and ultimately be a factor in erectile dysfunction, he says). 

 

There can also be a host of relationship problems that put the kibosh on sex for the 50-and-older crowd, says Kelly Chicas, a board-certified clinical sex therapist and counselor with Albuquerque Family Counseling ( albuquerquefamilycounseling.com  ). 

 

Life transitions, such as retirement, often bring with it a loss of personal identity or the realization that the intervening years have made a couple strangers to one another, says Chicas, who specializes in couples and sexuality issues.     

 

“The kids have been raised and gone off, and now it’s just the two of them in the house, and if they have lost touch with each other over the years, they are unprepared for how empty the nest feels. They may look at their partner and think, who are you?”     

 

Despite the myths, she says, the over-50 crowd is also more open to experimentation and the use of sex toys, or “passion products,” as she prefers to call them.    

 

 *Put it into practice    Here are some observations and strategies for keeping the romance alive by getting aging bodies to cooperate with willing minds.     

 

Older couples may need to “redefine” what sex is to accommodate their changing bodies, says Adler. “They may de-emphasize vaginal intercourse, and try other pleasurable experiences involving the use of sex toys, erotic touch and massage.” 

 

*Aging baby boomers may experience divorce or the death of a spouse. Many of them are “getting back in the saddle again,” says Adler, and as a result, this demographic is experiencing more sexually transmitted diseases. Check out Self Serve for a course in safe sex, condom usage and making safe choices. 

 

*Sexual dysfunction is often a result of high blood pressure, diabetes and conditions that cause narrowing of arteries and vessels. Some medications to treat these conditions “may decrease blood flow to the penis itself or can cause side effects like loss of libido,” says Geswaldo. Consult your doctor. 

 

*Medications, such as antidepressants, as well as hormone changes that accompany menopause, can stifle a woman’s libido, affect blood flow and reduce vaginal secretions, says Chicas. Medications and lubricants can alleviate some of these problems. 

 

*Look at the “empty nest” as an opportunity to get to know your spouse again, Chicas says. The empty nest is also an opportunity to have sex anywhere, anytime. 

 

*As men age their testosterone levels decline, resulting in a type of male menopause marked by decreased libido and lack of energy and motivation. Testosterone replacement therapy may be a good option. 

 

*An enlarged prostate does not in itself affect sexual function, Geswaldo says, but the frequent urge to urinate caused by the condition can ruin the moment. Check with your doctor about medications to control the symptoms. 

 

*Viagra and similar medications are highly effective in the treatment of ED, but can have side effects such as light-headedness, runny nose, blurry vision and headaches. 

 

*Alternatives to Viagra-type medications may include the use of prescription dilator compounds selfinjected into the penis prior to sex, or by using an external vacuum pump to pull blood into the penis. 

 

*“There is no normal” when it comes to sex, Chicas says. “Normal is what’s normal for you and your partner. As long as you’re both happy with it, then that’s the norm.”  

 

   

Interactive BJ Learning!

And by interactive we mean dildos.  


Stevie will be teaching another amazing BJ class on June 20th at the shop.  Sign up now... last month's class sold out!


Details:  Bulk up your blow job resume with this hands-on (a dildo, not a
person) workshop that teaches you about male sexual response and
reproductive anatomy before allowing participants to get some
“mouth-on” practice of new techniques, tips, tricks, and positions.
This class is for anyone who has a dick in their life and is
interested in showing it a little more oral loving!  $20/person or $35/pair

We’ll provide sterilized dildos for your use during the class, and if
you have any questions, don’t hesitate to contact the instructor,
Stevie Morrison, at ToyPartyStevie@gmail.com

50 Shades of Grey Leads to Sexercise Explosion!

A funny side effect since 50 Shades of Grey's immense popularity?  A boom in pc exercise toy sales.  Many women are walking into Self Serve and asking about Ben Wa balls or kegel toys.  Apparently, Fun Factory is seeing such an effect that TMZ is reporting on it.

TMZ published a wonderfully-titled piece, 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Linked to Vagina Ball Explosion.  I pretty much love this article header.  Luckily there hasn't been an actual vagina ball explosion in the pyrotechnical sense, to my knowledge.  But it's true that many a lady is reading about these 'vagina balls' and discovering the joys and challenges of toning pc muscles and wearing a sneaky kegel toy inside her vagina.

The thing is, we often steer ladies away from the classic Ben Wa balls they've read about, unless they're sexual athletes already.  The original Ben Wa balls are actually quite small, heavy and slippery.  For most sexually active adult women, especially moms, Ben Wa balls are very challenging to hold in.  They are like the advanced model.  It's one thing to wear these kegel toys secretly, but it's a whole other experience when you sneeze in public and 'lose your marbles.'  We wouldn't want that, now would we?

If you're looking to try wearing a toy inside vaginally to tone pc muscles, then start with the newer models, like Smartballs from Fun Factory or the Ami set from JeJoue.  These are much better designs for women that aren't as in touch with their kegels.  


While this 'vagina ball explosion' may be inspired by a sexy suggestion in 50 Shades of Grey, it's a great activity to try for your health!  Doing pc exercises and toning your pelvic floor has all sorts of benefits for both your sex life and your general health.


Here are a few benefits from having toned pc muscles in your pelvic floor:

• stronger orgasms
• easier ability to orgasm
• minimizing incontinence
• squeezing your partner during sex
• better posture and stability

You don't technically need any toys to do your kegels.  If you want to try to sexercise at home, here's a basic way to begin from dodsonandross.com:

• The pubococcygeus muscles are the muscles that support your pelvic anatomy and surround your urethra, vagina and anus. Strengthening them can both increase the intensity of your orgasms and your ability to have more than one.

• To identify your PC muscle simple stop your urine flow the next time you go to the bathroom. The muscles that you squeeze to do this are the PC muscles. Essentially, squeezing these muscles several times a day is one way to perform Kegels.

• Squeeze the PC muscles for 10 seconds  - pulling up with the vagina and then releasing completely for 10 seconds. It is as important to fully relax the muscles as it is to squeeze them tightly. 

• That's it!  The exercises are best while holding proper posture, and building up in reps as you get stronger.  Popular ways to incorporate kegels into your routine include: kegel during red lights, kegel while you brush your teeth, kegel while waiting in line,  kegel in the shower or during any daily activity.  The beautiful thing is that you can kegel anywhere!

StrapOn Sex 101 How-To Videos

I am a fan and promoter of Strap On Sex.  I wish for all to try it and I support the strap on revolution.  It's not just for the lesbians anymore!

Enjoy our series on strap on sex and learn how to be the best strapper in all the land.  Keep in mind many of these sex tips can be applied to doing it with attached penises, too!  A studious and learned lover is a good lover. (or at least chances are better)

These sex how-to videos will introduce you to strap on sex myths and facts, strap on preparation, choosing strap on sex toys, thinking about size (it does matter) and taking care with the ins and the outs of doing it, doing it and doing it well. 

Transgender 101

Author and counselor Nicholas M. Teich just published an insightful and accessible Transgender 101 post on Huffington Post.  This 15 point intro touches upon some of the most important points in beginning to learn about transgender issues and approach trans people with respect and empathy.  He wrote a basic book that introduces Transgender 101, as well.  If you're trans or an ally looking for clear, straightforward language in which to explain complex transgender questions, here is a way to find the words. 

We are lucky in Albuquerque that our local Transgender Resource Center of NM just opened its office around the corner from Self Serve.  The TGRCNM website has already been a crucial resource for transgender people of NM, and now their office space offers additional resources like HIV testing, a library, job seeking resources, clothing exchange and more.  Check out the TGRCNM website for resources like support groups, therapists, trans-friendly health providers and more.

Best Sellers Sale!

Get 20% off our Top 10 Sex Toys!

For 10 days, we're offering a sale on our most popular sex toys for men and women.  If you need an excuse to add to your collection, now is the time.  Save 20% in our store or online.

Best Sellers

1.         Form 2 by JimmyJane

2.         The We Vibe 3

3.         Sidekick #2 Sleeve

4.         Calla Vibe

5.         Double Happiness

6.         3 Speed Power Bullet

7.         The Big O Ring Vibe

8.         Tenga Egg Sleeves

9.         Hitachi Magic Wand

10.       Mini Goddess Bullet

Self Serve is Hiring!

It only happens once a year or so...

Self Serve is hiring a part time/on-call Sales Associate/Sex Educator.

*Read our job description and how to apply below.  If you don't follow application guidelines, you won't get called for an interview.*

Join our small, hardworking team of sex educators! You have the opportunity to help people feel better every day, and create a sex positive space unlike anything else in New Mexico.

Must be 18+, open minded, excited about sexuality education and enjoy retail customer service.  This position is primarily for 4-8 hours per week and on-call/vacation coverage to be discussed.  This position is for shifts Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays and weekday evening events.  Weekday availability a plus.  This is a position that is best suited for someone with a flexible schedule.  

Starting at $8/hr with room for growth, generous discount, on-the-job training and other benefits.

Summary of Responsibilities:
*offer one-on-one customer service
*retail sales
*inventory: shipping and receiving
*email communications & phone customer service
*upkeep of dvd rentals, special orders, class & event sign ups
*staff evening classes and events
*occasionally staff trade shows and weekend events
*Merchandising: maintain and improve store displays
*Daily cleaning
*Follow store procedures
*Detail oriented administrative tasks
*Build relationships within community
*Support website maintenance and orders
*Help create more joy and sexual pleasure in the world!

Required Skills:
*Positive Attitude
*Retail or Sales Experience
*Friendly Customer Service
*Healthy, open and honest communication
*Dedication and Strong Work Ethic
*Comfort and confidence talking about sexuality
*Enthusiasm for a wide variety of tasks
*Open-mindedness and comfort discussing sexuality with people of all ages, sexual orientations, genders, kink, etc.

Professional Experience that’s a plus:
*Sexuality education
*Administrative experience
*Purchasing inventory
*Public speaking
*Graphic design
*Public Relations
*Website Design or maintenance
*Volunteer coordination

TO APPLY: Send your resume, day/time/seasonal availability AND cover letter to info@selfservetoys.com. Please put "Part-time Job Application" in the subject line. Applications will be accepted through May 17th.  Interviews will be scheduled in late May.
Please, no phone calls, email any questions.  If you do not follow these guidelines, you will not be considered for the job.  

About Self Serve: Self Serve is a fun and welcoming retail store and sex education center. Through our store, website and toy party service, we provide the opportunity for people to learn about sexuality and their bodies while shopping for high-quality sex toys and other pleasurable sundries. Self Serve supports women, LGBT people and anyone seeking healthy, positive sexual attitudes and perspectives, and sensual pleasure in everyday life.