Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Meet the Progressive Pleasure Club!


A New Generation of Education-Based Sex Shops Is Changing the Adult Industry

The growing community of independent sex-positive shops has a new home thanks to the launch of the Progressive Pleasure Club (PPC).  Matie Fricker and I, co-owners of Self Serve Toys in Albuquerque, New Mexico, started the PPC to share support and resources with other shops like ours, which help people make informed decisions about sexuality-related products.  
 
We wanted to get people talking about the unique work we do and the challenges and joys we encounter at Self Serve, and so the Progressive Pleasure Club was born. We believe everyone has a right to enjoy sexual pleasure in a smart and healthy way, and we the PPC will educate customers about local, independent stores where they can feel safe shopping, and can trust the safety of the adult products they buy.

Today a new class of social entrepreneurs are taking the lead in opening sex-positive, independent shops all over the continent. Self Serve is one of a dozen or so like-minded shops in cities from Portland, Maine, to Portland, Oregon, where trained sex educators offer a locally-owned, education-based, ethical place to shop for intimate goods. The Progressive Pleasure Club is a network of independent sex shops dedicated to helping people make informed decisions about sexuality products. Member shops are committed to the promotion of accurate and honest pleasure-based sexuality education, and to offering products that meet the highest standards of safety.  “We are thrilled that the PPC came into being,” explains Gina Rourke, owner of Nomia in Portland, Maine.  “Since 2004, Oh My in Northampton, MA and Nomia have been collaborating and sharing information, as well as our purchasing power. To have the opportunity to join with a cadre of similarly committed entrepreneurs with shared values is nothing short of revolutionary. We are excited to see how this collective will transform lives in our communities as well as the industry at large.”


In the next year PPC members will join forces to educate the public about adult toy safety, promote local support for small business, and lobby adult toy manufacturers to eliminate the use of phthalates and toxins in manufacturing.  “We have created a unique space for sharing marginalized voices, both ours and those of our customers. The PPC is bent on radicalizing the adult industry for the better of all,” shares Lea Caughlan, owner the Rubber Rose in San Diego.

As small business owners, we recognize that there’s power in numbers. And not unlike the healthy polyamorous folks we often serve, PPC members seek to approach business from an ethical place of abundance and positivity. After all, we share the goal of promoting sexual health and pleasure for all, and believe there is room for all to succeed as we strive to reach it.  Searah Deysach, owner of Chicago’s Early to Bed explains, "I am thrilled to be a part of an organization that is made up of small, local businesses that are committed to the same sex-positive, feminist values as I am. I love that we work together to help all of our shops thrive."

We look forward to meeting you in our hometowns all over North America, and helping you improve your relationships and lovin' in a healthy and happy way.

written by:  Molly Adler, co-founder of PPC

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Objects of Affection: People in Love with Objects

Most people get sentimental about a object of special significance. 'Objectiphiles' fall in love with those objects. They form relationships, and have erotic connections with their object of affection.

"Erika Eiffel founded the Objectum Sexuality Internationale group which has more than 40 members and a website."http://www.objectum-sexuality.org/

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Do it more & Do it better


So many couples and individuals approach us at Self Serve with a common question:  How can my partner and I have more sex, and better sex, more often?

In the fast-paced, stressed-out culture we live in, it's common for couples to find they love each other and want more intimacy, but the sex just doesn't happen.  I'm teaching a class this Tuesday night all about this topic.  When the willingness and commitment is there, couples can definitely find ways to improve their sexual satisfaction.

So much of the conversation has to do with expectations, priorities and creativity.  I look forward to helping couples figure out what they're looking to improve, whether it be the depth of their connection, how often they get it on or simply reconnecting when they feel distant.  It's important to remember that all of us are unique and there's no one "normal" frequency of how often one should have sex.  There's no "normal" of how we should be having sex.  As individuals, we have to acknowledge that our needs and desires are usually different than those of our partners.  The key is communicating and figuring out how to meet in the middle.

You can sign up for classes online, or call 505-265-5815.

If you cannot attend the upcoming Self Serve class, consider a consultation with Self Serve Co-Owners & Sexuality Educators Molly or Matie.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Vote Self Serve ABQ's Best Sexy Shop

If you love us, then Vote!
It's that time of year.  If you have a favorite business -whether it's Self Serve or your favorite local DJ- tell the rest of the city in the Alibi!   We've been honored to win Best of Burque's Best Sexy Shop for 4 years in a row.  Help us make it 5!

Recognition from the Alibi readers and the people of Albuquerque truly makes us smile and really helps our business.  If you love any local businesses, take the time to vote.  Thank you!


Friday, March 9, 2012

What Makes a BJ Great?


We are improving our classes, and adding to the most popular topic we offer... Blow Jobs 101!

Please tell us what you want to learn.  Fill out our brief survey and tell us what you think about blow jobs. (the survey link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/85RKJRF )

We are creating a new fellatio class and we would like to have some "hard" data to use (pun intended).  We want to make sure that this new class showcases all the flavors of blow jobs,  so we need feedback from anyone who sucks, has, wears, or just loves dick!


Thanks for your long, hard work on this.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Way I See It | Dirty Thoughts by Billy

New on the Scene, Whatever that Means

    Hello to all you lovely people out there in the internet!  My name is Billy, and I just wanted to take a few sentences to introduce myself.  Although I’ve been a fan of Self Serve Toys for some time, I am a newbie here on their blog.
    My stats would look like this: 31/m/NM, but as we all know that hardly means you know a person.  Stats are a start, at least.  But, as I begin to post to the Self Serve(d) blog, we will all get to know each other, little by little.
    I am eager and excited to be working with the fine folk at Self Serve!  They do lots of rad work, and are a great source of knowledge and education.  They are a vital part of the Albuquerque community, and thanks to the internet they are also able to help people all over the world.  I’m honored to be working with them, especially with something so easy as pitching in my two cents once in awhile.  So, it is with great pride that I bring you the first installment of:



The Way I See It
by Billy McCall

   I’m not entirely sure when I began to first recognize myself as a sexual being.  I think my religious upbringing encouraged the denial of such an obvious fact.  This idea that we are all sexual beings.  But we are, it’s part of what makes us human.
    As I’ve gotten older I have learned to not only embrace my own sexuality, but to accept that everyone else has their own.  And that sex is all around.  And that it’s fun to think about.  Let me give you an example.
Prepare yourself for an oral invasion!
    I’ve been going to the dentist on a regular basis ever since I was a kid.  I hated it.  It seemed like torture, and this was how my mind got through it.  As a child I would pretend I was a spy, trapped behind enemy lines, and no matter how they tortured me, I’d never talk!  And when I made it through my 30-minute check-up, I walked out proud.
    But then I grew up, moved out, had sex…  And my next trip to the dentist was suddenly very different.  All my concepts of pain and torture and endurance had changed, due in large part to my experimentation with these ideas in the bedroom.  All of a sudden the dentist’s office felt a bit like a role-playing scenario, and the tools all looked like toys.  I no longer felt like doctor and patient, but more like master and slave.  With each command, I slipped further into submission, feeling empowered through my own obedience.
    “Open your mouth.”
    Yes sir.
    “You might feel a sting.”
    Yes sir.
    “You’re doing very well.  Just hold still, it will be over soon.”
    Yes sir.
    And although I don’t have a fetish for dentists, I wonder if I could.  Many people do.  A quick search online brings up scores of people discussing their new braces, or seeking out play partners to act out dental fantasies.  A visit to the dentist takes you directly into a power-play scenario, where one person is in charge, and everyone else in the room follows along.  So I don't think it would take much for me to develop a deep desire to have these acts preformed me.  To become excited by the idea of laying there, enduring discomfort, and doing whatever it is I am told to do.  I am already paying considerable amounts of money, is it really so different from a fetish-specific dungeon?
    Of course, I also wonder about the sex lives of the dentists themselves.  After all, they are sexual beings as well.  In their lives outside of work, do they play out dental fantasies?  Some of them must, I’m sure.
    This is how I now survive my trips to the dentist.  My mind drifts through all these topics, and before I know it, my time is up.  I thank them for the agony they’ve just put me through, then I pay them for their services.  I make an appointment to see them again, and I walk out into the world with a smile on my face.


    If anyone out there would like to contact me, you can get me at iknowbilly@gmail.com.  Take care, and keep it real!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Local IQ - Sex in the Open

photo by Wes Naman, Local IQ
Writer Hannah Reiter of the Local IQ newspaper interviewed us a couple weeks ago.  It's wonderful to share our story with Albuquerque, and the world.  We often learn it's hard to explain "what Self Serve is" when people haven't been into the store.  If you're new to our community - read on...
 
Local IQ - Sex in the open
Unique Albuquerque business works to demystify sexuality and build an inclusive atmosphere that serves the community

By Hannah Reiter
Self Serve is not your traditional adult toy shop. Owners Molly Adler and Matie Fricker have gone to great lengths to ensure local sexual education and pleasure seekers an experience completely different from that which other Albuquerque retailers offer. With an award-winning business model, years of experience and unmatched passion, Adler and Fricker have made a living transforming sexual education and pleasure in Albuquerque over the past five years.

\In a recent interview, and with Valentine’s day right around the corner, Adler and Fricker let Local iQ in on a few of their not-so-dirty little secrets for building a successful business focused on love and sex.

“We loved the idea of creating a space that any adult can walk in and feel safe and comfortable and find resources,” Adler said of her business philosophy. “Across the board, we try to lead with the message that sex is healthy and pleasure is good for you. And having some education around how and with whom you have sex is the best way to ensure that,” Fricker added.

The owners of Self Serve have succeeded in crafting that space. The store’s atmosphere is warm, inviting and very hands-on, and Fricker and Adler are personable, welcoming and exceptionally knowledgeable.

Hailing from Boston with backgrounds in public health and social justice, respectively, Adler and Fricker decided six years ago over a bottle of wine that they wanted to tackle the peaks and pitfalls of owning their own business. At the time, Adler was managing an adult boutique, while Fricker was debating a future in law. “I could go into debt for law school or I could go into debt to start a sex shop,” said Fricker.

Ultimately they decided that owning their own business would allow them the freedom and forum to pursue their passions and make a difference in a community that was lacking a “sex-positive” message. After a year of struggling to secure funding, the two were finally able to make the move to Albuquerque and open shop in 2007.

So why did these two Boston natives choose Albuquerque, of all places, to open an adult boutique? Lots and lots of research. “While there is a lot of conservative history and religious culture,” Fricker noted of Albuquerque, “there is also a very open-minded population and a high density of same-sex households. We found a very clear ‘live-and-let-live’ attitude.”

It’s that tolerant attitude from the community and a unique approach to business that has allowed Self Serve to stay afloat, even in this tough economy. As well as selling adult toys and accessories, Adler and Fricker offer a full-on adult resource center, the core of which is education. Self Serve holds at least two classes a week on everything from how to talk to your kids about sex, to the art of burlesque dancing, to massage techniques for couples and sex for aging people (for a full list of classes offered, visit selfservetoys.com).

Community outreach is also a fundamental piece of the Self Serve business model. “There are two main ways we partner with the community. One is within our neighborhood. We’re active with the Nob Hill business association and Nob Hill Main Street. The other way is through donations to and support of sexual health and wellness in the community,” Adler said, noting that her business does events and fundraisers for such organizations as New Mexico Aids Services, The Rape Crisis Center, Planned Parenthood and the state Department of Health.

Fricker also talks to youth at the New Day Shelter once a month about sexuality and empowerment. While the program is controversial, Fricker explained, “It immediately lowers their risk factors. If you just say to teenagers, ‘Sex shouldn’t hurt,’ it changes everything.”

While Fricker and Adler teach many of the classes at Self Serve themselves, they also import local and national instructors to ensure that their seminars are well-rounded, in-depth and fun. For Valentine’s Day they will host a free chocolate and body treat tasting event. “It can be part of your Valentine’s Day activity,” Adler said. “The store will be open till 9, so grab an early dinner or cocktail, then come in after.”

While some may be intimidated by the idea of walking into the shop for a class or consultation, or to buy adult toys, rest assured that Adler and Fricker have designed an experience meant to comfort the nerves of anyone, whether novice or expert.

“We are very serious about being inclusive and having a space that has resources, products and answers for men and women, straight and gay, transgender, young and old, single and married and divorced. All of the above,” Adler said.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Last Minute Valentine's Ideas!

Last Minute Valentine's Gifts 
Act like you planned it all along!

  1. Make a dinner date for the weekend after Valentine's Day (It falls on a weeknight after all)
  2. Get him a Tenga Flip Hole
  3. Cook a surprise dinner, or get your favorite take out and save time for lovin'
  4. Make custom date coupons
  5. Invest in a We Vibe 3 -this couple's sex toy is fun for everyone!
  6. Hire a babysitter when your partner’s not expecting it
  7. Make a mix of your songs
  8. Get her a new vibrator
  9. Give a massage with a romantic massage oil candle
  10. Make a sexy crossword puzzle
  11. Oral sex is always a great last minute gift idea
  12. Make out for more than 2 minutes... seriously
  13. Commit to doing any of these ideas not on Valentine’s Day in a few days, a week or a month from now.  It will be even more beautiful when it's spontaneous…

Albuquerque Events and 
Valentine's Date Ideas

FEBRUARY 13
Still no Valentine's gift? Head to Papers and get supplies to craft your own personal Valentine.  Some of the best gifts are hand made!  And they have hella yummy caramels, too.

FEBRUARY 14

GetEqual NM Valentine's Day Rally for Equal Rights

Fight for same-sex marriage equality in New Mexico!
Marriage Applications @ 10:30am in ABQ 

Albuquerque Rally is @ 11:30am, Civic Plaza
Santa Fe Rally is @ 2:00pm
, the Roundhouse

Free Anonymous HIV Testing at Self Serve!
First Nations Community Health Source is providing FREE on-site mobile HIV testing at our shop.  Get tested and know your status. They also have a massage therapy special available right now - details online!

Self Serve Chocolate and Body Treat Tasting
We'll provide free chocolate samples, a chocolate fountain and body treats to sample during your Valentine's Day shopping.  This Valentine's Day, explore sensual ideas, learn new bedroom techniques or pick up a new game or toy.  Free, 5-9 pm, 3904b Central Ave SE in Upper Nob Hill 

Lip Service: a Dirty Zine Reading w/Annah Anti Palindrome & On a Clear Day
ABQ Zine Fest presents another dirty, DIRTY zine reading!
Don't let Valentine's Day get you down! Spend it with us and a sh*t-load of dirty words turned into filthy stories! Bring your lover(s) too . . . $5-$15 sliding scale, 7-9:30 pm at Winning Coffee, 111 Harvard SE

Larry's Hats in Nob Hill
Offering wine, a vintage jewelry sale and a free yacht cap with every purchase!



FEBRUARY 16
 
Celebrate National Condom Week at First Nations Community Healthsource!  HIV 101 info session, with some light snacks and drinks 12-2 pm. Free HIV testing available before and after the event.  Let someone know you want to take the relationship to the next level - get tested!

FEBRUARY 17

Massage Techniques for Couples

This class at Self Serve is an introduction to massage techniques you can use at home to impress (and relax) the one(s) you love.  Bring a partner for this hands-on, clothed class. 8:30 pm, $28 /pair
 
FEBRUARY 18

Join Avery Kalapa and Dr. Rasa Lila for a delicious afternoon workshop, geared for anyone interested in deepening their felt experience of love and appreciation.  We will explore yoga asana, Tantra techniques, and sacred sound to create a safe, yet profound transformational sensual journey. 1 pm - 5:30 pm  /   |  High Desert Yoga, 4600 Copper Avenue NE


Friday, February 3, 2012

Alternative Valentine's Guide for ABQ

Why have a boring Valentine's Day?  Come to think of it, why have a boring month?  There are lots of creative Valentine's Date ideas in our guide, and plenty of fun events for singles to live it up.  Not feeling creative?  Now you have no excuse!  Do something fun.  Start today.

Self Serve's
Alternative Valentine's Guide for ABQ

All Month
Rt 66 Pin Ups ~ With every purchase in February:
  • a gift card for a free boudoir session with Kevin's Photography
  • 20% off cut, color, or style by Jessica at Dollface Salon
  • 10% off your next purchase from 66 Pin-Ups
Betty's Bath & Day Spa Specials
Give yourself the gift of indulgence or book a private hot tub

Post your personal ad already
Just about everyone's doing it.  Not sure where to go?  Locally, try the Alibi, checkout Fetlife for something different, or post to the biggies and start shopping. 

Enter the first-annual Bookworks Anti-Valentine's Day Contest and share your misery with the world! Submit your best worst date story to events@bkwrks.com (under 250 words, please) by Feb. 10. Three (un)lucky submitters - the saddest, most horrifying, or most heinous stories, as decided by Bookworks staff - will win some great prizes.


FEBRUARY 3
 

Self Serve Wine and Chocolate Tasting
6-8 pm, rsvp required, 21+

Local IQ Singles Mixer 6-8 pm
swanky, interactive single's party at Q Bar

The Octopus and the Fox 1 Year Anniversary Party
6-10 pm, Celebrate 1 year with art and cupcakes!

FEBRUARY 8

Self Serve Intro to Couples' Toys
Learn about ways to increase intimacy, create newness and provide more pleasure for both parties. 7:30 pm, Free, at Self Serve, 3904b Central SE, Upper Nob Hill

FEBRUARY 10-11

6th Annual Southwest Burlesque Showcase
Friday & Saturday, 8 pm
at the KiMo Theatre, 18+
Tickets $14-$20, available now online or at the Kimo Box Office.
Buy early, these shows WILL SELL OUT

FEBRUARY 11
 

Burlesque, Puppetry & Performance Classes 
at the Southwest Burlesque Showcase
8 different classes throughout the day!  Details online


Adults Only Zoo Tours
Indulge your animal instincts with special tours about the exotic, erotic and often curious romantic rituals of animals. 2 pm, $10 at the gate


Stand Up Comedy at the Guild
10:30 pm Local comedians Matt Peterson, Rusty Rutherford, James Morrow, Joe Quesada and Roger Peterson will be tag teaming the mic for our humor sensory good times!

FEBRUARY 12

Local Love Bazaar 1-4 pm

Buy local for V Day!
at 5321 Acoma Rd. SE (off San Mateo between Central & Zuni)


FEBRUARY 13
Still no Valentine's gift? Head to Papers and get supplies to craft your own personal Valentine.  Some of the best gifts are hand made!  And they have hella yummy caramels, too.


FEBRUARY 14

GetEqual NM Valentine's Day Rally for Equal Rights

Fight for same-sex marriage equality in New Mexico!
Marriage Applications @ 10:30am in ABQ 

Albuquerque Rally is @ 11:30am, Civic Plaza
Santa Fe Rally is @ 2:00pm
, the Roundhouse


Free Anonymous HIV Testing at Self Serve!
First Nations Community Health Source is providing FREE on-site mobile HIV testing at our shop.  Get tested and know your status. They also have a massage therapy special available right now - details online!

Self Serve Chocolate and Body Treat Tasting

We'll provide free chocolate samples, a chocolate fountain and body treats to sample during your Valentine's Day shopping.  This Valentine's Day, explore sensual ideas, learn new bedroom techniques or pick up a new game or toy.  Free, 5-9 pm, 3904b Central Ave SE in Upper Nob Hill  


Lip Service: a Dirty Zine Reading w/Annah Anti Palindrome & On a Clear Day
ABQ Zine Fest presents another dirty, DIRTY zine reading!
Don't let Valentine's Day get you down! Spend it with us and a sh*t-load of dirty words turned into filthy stories! Bring your lover(s) too . . . $5-$15 sliding scale, 7-9:30 pm at Winning Coffee, 111 Harvard SE

Larry's Hats in Nob Hill
Offering wine, a vintage jewelry sale and a free yacht cap with every purchase!



FEBRUARY 17

Massage Techniques for Couples
This class at Self Serve is an introduction to massage techniques you can use at home to impress (and relax) the one(s) you love.  Bring a partner for this hands-on, clothed class. 8:30 pm, $28/pair
 

FEBRUARY 18




Yoga and Tantra: An Experiential Journey into Self Love
Join Avery Kalapa and Dr. Rasa Lila for a delicious afternoon workshop, geared for anyone interested in deepening their felt experience of love and appreciation.  We will explore yoga asana, Tantra techniques, and sacred sound to create a safe, yet profound transformational sensual journey. 1 pm - 5:30 pm $45/50 |  High Desert Yoga, 4600 Copper Avenue NE

Animal Humane's Tail Date Mixer
1 pm at the Barley Room
a club for dog lovers to meet and socialize

FEBRUARY 18-19

Vagina Monologues at UNM

Saturday, Feb. 18th at 7:00PM
Sunday, Feb. 19th at 2:00PM
Theatre X, in the basement of Popejoy Hall



FEBRUARY 23

Lesbian Sex Secrets for Guys 
Have you ever wondered what lesbians do in bed? Join Matie, one of Self Serve’s owners for an in-depth, no holds barred discussion on female pleasure. We’ll discuss the 12 secrets they never taught you in sex ed to rock her world.  $15 at Self Serve, 3904 Central Ave SE in Upper Nob Hill


Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Sex Positive Culture Jamming



On Monday, January 30th, I was part of a quiet, revolutionary act.  While people drove on Central Ave, Route 66 in Nob Hill, Albuquerque, their drive was interrupted by signs of sex positivity.  There were only five of us standing on the median, but our messages still led to smiles, laughs and hopefully feelings of well being among unexpected commuters.

I love the concept of culture jamming and random acts of kindness.  I also love the idea of combining the two.

Culture jamming is often used to describe disrupting corporate messages to the masses in media like Adbusters.  But it also means simply challenging socially accepted behavior and using a public forum to change the negative, mainstream messages people see and hear all around them.  Random acts of kindness are a simple way to offer more kindness and generosity in the world, without apparently getting anything in return.  One of my favorite stories is the Free Hugs campaign documented on youtube.

Sex negativity is everywhere.
We have begun challenging it in creative, positive, and affirming ways.  On Monday, we simply held up signs with sex positive, body positive messages. 

What's the ABQ Sex positive Street team?
A direct action group created by and for the community of Albuquerque. Our goal through the year of 2012 is to do a bimonthly action aimed at responding to issues of sex negativity with messages of sex positivity

Why now?
Self Serve is celebrating five years of spreading the love in ABQ!  We love what we do everyday in our store and out in the community. We believe that we are changing the culture around sexuality one conversation at a time. We can say with confidence that the space that we share at 3904 Central in Albuquerque is safe space to talk about sexuality, our bodies, our feelings, and anything else that comes up. Creating safe space around sexuality is our daily job and we love it.

We wish the world was a safer space for sexuality.
It's not.

We are activists at heart and working to create empowering events that support the radical acceptance of self and desire.

In a world where custom paint colors and even designer water are easy to come by, the basic human need for a healthy sex life too often goes unspoken or dismissed. Sexuality is everywhere, yet access to good information, discussion and products for promoting healthy sexuality is limited.

We hope that by taking to the streets we will help create a more sex positive world. We want to start a community group that is created by and for our community, because our voices together are hard to ignore.

Learn More...


What is sex positivity?
"The sex-positive movement is an ideology which promotes and embraces open sexuality with few limits. Sex positivity is "an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement advocates sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign."[1] The movement makes no moral distinctions among types of sexual activities, regarding these choices as matters of personal preference." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement

What is Direct Action?
Activists have used direct actions to spur significant social change, such as the occupation of the all-white lunch counters during the sixties, the Montgomery Bus Boycott, the anti-Vietnam and Gulf War protests, and the American Indian Movement occupation of Wounded Knee. Many famous activists have participated in civil disobedience, including the Reverend Martin Luther King, Ghandi and Rosa Parks. These actions have brought attention to many injustices and led to the growth of progressive movements.
http://www.ibiblio.org/netchange/cco/orgaction.html

Even if the media buries the story, activists see each other. For a few minutes or an hour you own a chunk of public space. You exist in a way you don't at home alone. Your voice and your life are amplified in unimaginable ways
http://www.lesbianavengers.com/direct_action.shtml


Join the ABQ Sex Positive Street Team!
Join on Facebook or sign up online...