Leather Bear Tails: A Masters connection to Power

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Leather Bear Tails: Power not taken

In Master and slave relationships the Master has assumed control over all things that connect with their sense of power. Control and communication are thought of as one way only, in other words the Master says, the slave does, end of story. But the reality is that some types of control are a little more complicated then that. Just because the Master has the power does not mean that they should one: take that power or two: that they have infinite power over what happens in the end. Because we are talking about two people in the relationship, some things simply do not work that way. It works that way with robots, cars, and other assorted equipment, but not with people.

Once a Master takes control they also take responsibility for making sure that whatever it is not only happens but they are aslo responsible for the end result as well. Sometimes however, Masters take on things that they shouldn’t. There are processes out there that by their very nature should belong solely to the slave, for example if the slave has an illness, is struggling with addiction, or trying to work through abuse issues. If the Master takes control of those things, then the slave ceases to have a say in or an emotional attachment to their own personal struggles, and can remain detached from the process as well as the outcome. Over time what happens is that the slave doesn’t actually have to deal with their own issues, instead they just have to deal with the Master managing those issues, and those are two totally different things.

For those of you that don’t know I am a nurse. I can easily say that just about every day that I go into work I get the same report. It may be a different patient, but it’s the same story. Patient with kidney failure on dialysis, blind, infection in right foot, amputated left foot, all due to complications from noncompliance with diabetes.

So to say the least, diabetes has and always will, scare the crap out of me.

So four years ago when the DR gave my slave that diagnosis, I was stunned, shocked, and full of panic. Not just because I knew what challenges she would face, but because of what that meant for my life as well. So I did what I thought was right, I took over everything. I found her diet information on the internet; I printed out daily diet sheets, got her DR's and diabetic teaching appointments, filed her labs sheets, and made sure she got her labs done. I even started poking her finger for her for her daily blood sugar reading. It is not that she wasn't willing to care for herself , or vested in making herself better , or able to get better, , she was. It was more that I needed that control, and I thought that if I could do it, I could make it go away.

I found though that not only did I take over all of the doing, I took over all of the emotion as well. I was angry, frustrated, and scared and because I was all of those things, she could not be. When I would have a particularly bad day at work because of a non compliant diabetic, I would get angry at her. I took her blood sugar numbers personally, because I felt that I had control over her and the situation so when her blood sugars were high, I would get upset. When I was tired, or distracted, I would forget to check her sugars, or ask her about her carb count.

I knew that if there was not some control over this disease process that we would spend the rest of our lives in one hospital or another. That the dream of me retiring and us traveling like I had always wanted, would disappear in a maze of infections and surgeries and dialysis. The whole thing made me miserable, exhausted, and testy, to say the least.

So one day I stopped. I just stopped.

I couldn’t take control of it anymore, the fear over the outcome became too much.

And then something surprising happened. Slowly, over about a week or so, my slave started owning her own disease process.

It was then that she started taking her own sugars, recording her own carb count, and going to the DR on her own. I got to leave it alone, and let her feel everything that she needed to feel about her own body and what was happening to her, because ultimately that’s who it was happening to, her and not me.

I still fear the outcome, that can’t be helped, but I have removed myself from the all powerful role of Master organizer and replaced it with the much healthier role of Master cheerleader. Some things just need to belong to her, not just for her, but for me to.

We all have personal journeys; these are processes and things that happen to us that are uniquely ours. Sometimes, Masters think that if they can just get their hand in there, that the journey will be different for someone else, better, easier, and that the Masters control can determine a better outcome. But in the trying it is easy to forget that for someone to truly take ownership of their own journey; they also have to control the road.

If you are interested in play parties, hands on workshops, or power munches in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Fetlife.com

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: Understanding 24/7 relationships Assumed roles vs. ARE roles

I remember a few yeas ago heard the argument that people cannot be 24/7 it just isn’t possible to maintain the M/s role on a continuous basis. I don’t remember what exactly the person reasoning was; I just remember that the comment has stuck with me for a long time.

So I was out by the barn the other day when I had an “ah ha “moment, and this is what I came to. We all have roles in our lives, for the purpose of this discussion I am only going to talk about two different types of roles, and how they apply to the 24/7 M/s dynamic, these roles I call “assumed” roles and “ARE” roles.

Assumed roles are roles that we pick up and put down, for example if a person is a supervisor at work they assume the role but do not assume the role once they are off that job. Or if a person is volunteering at a community function they assume the role of that position and then when the time is up they put it down again. For some people the BDSM, fetish, kink, and leather roles are assumed roles. They assume the role when time, energy, or an engaged partner permit. It doesn’t make their experiences less real or less valid. However, for many people their limiting factors have to take priority.

Then there are what I call the “ARE” roles. These are the roles that we don’t pick up and put down, they are the roles that are within us no matter where we are and what we are doing. For example, if someone is a spouse they are a spouse all the time, no matter if they are buying groceries or flirting with someone’s besides their spouse. If someone is a parent then they are a parent all the time, no matter if they are going to their job or organizing a play party. That is part of who they are.

There are some people who in their BDSM, leather, fetish, and kink lives have assumed that part of their lives as an ARE role. For them, it is so engrained in their everyday identity that picking it up and putting it down is not an option.

These are the 24/7’s. This is when the simple things that all of us do everyday are also about our alternative experience.

A meal isn’t just about a meal; it is about service, even if we are eating out. An honored request to bring me something is about attention and service and respect. Just because these things are not being done with my slave naked in chains doesn’t make it less of an M/s experience. Just because I am not dressed in my leathers doesn’t make my requests less important.

Just because my slave isn’t shaking in her boots in fear at the thunder of my voice doesn’t make her service less sincere.

Because these aren't roles we pick up and put down there isn’t a need to put all of our energy into a single experience. We don’t feel a need to make that one play party the perfect play party in the perfect clothes with the perfect protocol. Instead our M/s identities “ARE” about who we are and what we do.

My slave is bringing me tea right now, she is dressed in my shirt and her special slippers, and she rubbed my back and headed off to get breakfast ready. I am sitting here in my boxers typing away after having fed the horses and called to work. These everyday things are the fabric of our lives. So what is the M/s side to this? My slave knows I love tea when I write, and I am hungry after I feed the horses, and don’t even get me started on back rubbing… I love her in my shirts and special slippers.

Whether a person is able to do an assumed role or an “ARE” role, or if they are drawn to having an assumed role or an “ARE” role in the BDSM, fetish, leather, or kink lives it is important to remember that no role is better or more valid then the other. For some people there are just some roles that make more sense to pick up and put down, and for others it is about the everyday bits of our lives.

If you are interested in power munches, safe play parties, or hands on workshops n the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Felitfe.com

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: Culture Clash

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Leather Bear Tails: Giving back, The evolution of AEL Kinkskills

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.