Brickhouse Chronicles: Fat Positive Cheerleader Burnout: What Would Kermit Do?

I’m writing this blog under duress. My Beloved Wife (aka She Who Must Be Obeyed) told me that I needed to write a blog by this Friday because it would be “good for me” and that the writing process would help me stop beating myself up over feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by the running of the Brickhouse Betties group. She stated that writing a fat positive blog would be a wonderful experience in that it would help me become more emotionally centered. I reluctantly and grumpily agreed that she was right, whereupon I then proceeded to procrastinate all week long on the actual writing of the “therapy blog”.

My justification on why I wasn’t starting the blog usually veered around the area of “I don’t have the time for this” or the more self deprecating but emotionally honest reason of “I’m too scared and tired to keep putting myself out there”. So there I was two hours before my deadline and still steadfastly avoiding putting cyber pen to paper and thinking, “what the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I get this done?”, when it hit me……..I didn’t want to focus on myself in an honest and self nurturing way.

Like many people, I’m in the throes of Fatty Cheerleader Burnout.

I define Fatty Cheerleader Burnout as that state of mental, emotional, and sometimes physical exhaustion that can come to someone when they get so caught up in the righteous fight for fat and body positive image awareness, that it becomes all too easy to avoid taking care of themselves. It can become a vicious cycle where the amount of self awareness needed to simply say “I need a break” isn’t there because the person needs a break in order to come to that conclusion. If it sounds familiar to many of you, it’s because it’s happens to everyone. I doesn’t just happen to fat positive cheerleaders, it happens to political activists, teachers, spiritual leaders (organizing pagans is like herding cats), social organizers, caregivers’, parents’ and supportive wives who make their spouses write blogs.

I’m in good company!!

So let’s say that you’ve identified that you are in the throes of Fatty Cheerleader Burnout, the next dilemma for a lot of people is what do you do now? In all honesty, I’m slowly making my way through the healing and renewal process but here are the personal goals that I have for combating FCB…. maybe they can help you too.

1) Give Myself Permission to Feel Whatever Emotions Wash Over Me Without the Guilt- Once I finally admit that I’m going through burnout, letting myself feel emotions such as grief, anger, and resignation is quite difficult for me to do without feeling very guilty. I’ve internalized the idea that these emotions somehow convey that I’m not a good leader because I’m not happy and strong all the time. Giving myself the affirming message that “it’s okay to not be okay”, is certainly a lot harder than it sounds, but I know that I can do it. Right now, I’m finding that saying “I’M NOT OKAY!!” out loud is having a surprisingly cathartic effect.

2) Unconditionally Accept the Reassurance and Loving Positivity that People Give to Me When I Reach Out for Help- Like with many people who experience Fatty Cheerleader Burnout, I tend to feel panic and surprise when people offer words of comfort and encouragement. I know that one of the main reasons for this is that I still feel like I’m whining when I share what I’m really going through. I know that part of the process of loving myself means that I need to accept the fact that other people love me too.

3) Don’t Take the Journey of Others Personally- As the founder of a fat positive group, it has become waaaaay to easy for me to internalize every pitfall that my Betties face as a personal failing on my part. Telling myself things such as “If I was a leader then she wouldn’t continue to engage in fat hating relationships” and so forth, has taken more of a toll on me than I realized and I am having to relearn the importance of letting people make their own mistakes. This is allowing me the emotional space to concentrate on my own.

While this has been a difficult blog to write, in end I’m glad that Beloved made me do, if only for the simple reason of being able to say “thank you” to everyone for all that you make the Brickhouse Betties. And a special thank you to my beautiful wife for all that you make me.

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog

http://selfserved.blogspot.com/2011/07/leather-bear-tails-through-looking.html

Brickhouse Chronicles: Evolution of Body Image Part 2: Embrace Your Rebellion!

We all hear about how important it is to have a healthy and happy body image but how do you actually go about getting one? First, realize that there is nothing more rebellious and subversive than declaring that you love each and every part of yourself without apology. Once you realize that you are a rebel with a curvaceous cause, here are a few fun tips to help you realize just how fabulous you truly are!

1) Make every activity you engage in an act of pleasure and sensuality- When I refer to sensuality, I don’t mean really slow foreplay, although that is quite fun….I mean engaging all of your senses in everything that you do. So when you engage in a physical activity make sure that you’re having fun! Things such as finding workout buddy who’s company you truly enjoy, taking a dance or martial arts class that has always fascinated you, or even lighting candles and playing relaxing music while you work around the house are just a few of the many ways that you can joyfully make sensuality and pleasure a part of your everyday life.

I would lose my “out and proud fatty” patch if I didn’t’ cover food and eating in this section. If you take anything from this part it’s drop the guilt and add the pleasure! Take out the self hating messages that you tell yourself every time you eat and replace them with the messages that everything and everyone you put into your mouth should be thanking you for the experience! Pleasurably engaging all of your senses when you have a meal or snack can involve something as simple as turning off the TV or computer and just quietly enjoying every tasty morsel or as elaborate as making yourself and/or your loved ones an exotic feast at midnight during the full moon.

When we remember to bring sensuality and pleasure into our lives on a regular basis, our tummies, libidos, and sense of worth will thank us J

2) Go Fuck Yourself! - Seriously I can’t extol the virtues of masturbation and how wonderful it can be for you self esteem enough! Don’t just engage in the standard guilt based 3 minute quickie…Although those are very fun! I’m talking about taking at least an hour and take yourself on a truly magical fuckathon and use every toy in your arsenal! Take your time and take note of how your body responds to different kinds of stimulation. Trying new things on yourself that you’ve always been curious about but have never tried is also a great way of becoming comfortable with a new sensation before introducing a happy and excitable partner into the act! Let’s all remember that flared bases are our friend! Masturbation is also a great way in promoting safe sex. For example, had I tried the altoid trick on myself before I sprung it on the wife I would not have gotten kicked in the head which is definitely not a safe sex practice.

There are many other awesome reasons for masturbation such as: 1) It increases the arsenal of knowledge that you have about your own body which makes you a better communicator and lover 2) It serves as an indirect weed out factor when it comes to selecting a truly compatible and fun play and sex partner. If the potential apple of your eye is put turned off or angrily intimidated by your wealth of self knowledge and insists that they don’t need your input and know what they’re doing when it comes to what makes you feel good, save yourself the sexual horror story and run! For this person sex and sensuality isn’t about pleasure and communication, it’s about feeding their ego and you are too luscious and lusty to waste your time with someone like that

3) Recognize Your desire factor! This is where you are just going to have to face the fact that you’re a sexy beast and people want to do naughty things to you. So next time someone comes up to you and gives you a compliment, don’t doubt for a second that they are being sincere. Embrace your body loving rebellion and reject society’s message that people find your beautiful and unique features and personality sexually unattractive. When in doubt, do what I do in moments of existential crisis….Look at lots of porn!

Seriously, there are few things in the world that indicate what people are really turned on by, than glorious, oh glorious, smut! Feel like no one desires older women? Check out how prevalent MILF and mommy/son role-playing porn sites are! It’s amazing! Think no one ever will want to get in your pants because you’re a pre or post op transgendered person…. than let the vast sea of porn sites that are dedicated to self made hotties like Buck Angel and Allanah Star be your guide. If you think that no one will want to get in your pants because you're a queer man who has a lot to hold on to just peruse the plethora of sites rightfully dedicated to the beautiful bear! If you’re absolutely sure that no one will want to scene and sex you up because you are an ample bodied jiggle factory, then take your one free hand and peruse the over 227,000,000 search results that appear when you enter terms like fat sex, BBW, BHM, and gay bear. In other words, you have no idea how desirable you all truly are. I just want to add a note that I did all of this painful porn research for you people and it was quite an emotional sacrifice (wipes away tear)!

So instead of focusing on those people who didn’t appreciate your goodies take off those blinders and see how many people around you do. You might be very surprised. Also, letting yourself in on the secret of how hot you are means that you’re more likely to engage in fun opportunities of all sorts when they come your way!

4) Openly and Respectfully Recognize the Desire Factor of others!

Being a typical Scorpio, the topics that I’m talking about here, are ones that I hold deep and my heart and nether regions. Nether regions are awesome!!! But before I go into this section, I have a startling confession that I just have to make….Hi may name is Ever and I’m a fat admirer! In the bear community I am what am referred to as a cub or chaser, which is short for chubby chaser. Within the mainstream bbw community I am referred to as an FFA which stands for female fat admirer. Within my household I am referred to by wife as “hey you get your finger out of there! In other worlds I have an immediate physical and sexual response to people with big bodies and I am definitely not alone within the glbt and kink communities for having this preference. I also am an admirer of a couple other traits but since I only had 50 minutes for this presentation I figured that I better focus my libido for better clarity. Besides, nothing makes me happier than watching my wife jiggle around the house in my favorite outfit….NUDITY! Jiggly nether regions are even awesome!!!! Why do I bring this up you ask? Is it out of some twisted exhibitionist fantasy to about my naked wife and the other things that make me horny? Well yeah kinda!

Mainly, I’m saying this because being rebellious is not just about learning to openly embrace the beauty of your own body; it’s also about openly embracing the beauty of the bodies around you. When you take that moment to give someone a compliment, you are more than likely planting a very subversive seed of self esteem in that person’s mind. Learning the language of adoration is fun and challenging because it makes you focus on something outside of yourself, which is something that we all need from time to time. Receiving positive affirmation is something that everyone needs regardless of race, sex, gender expression, and leather identity. Going outside your usual comfort zone to sincerely compliment someone can also be a wonderful way to break the cycle of insecurity based social interactions that we sometimes engage in. For instance, when I was younger and my self esteem was non-existent, I told myself that thin women would not like me because I was fat and dark skinned. It was with this internal message that I justified keeping my interaction with many women tinged with fear based hostility. When I started working on my own self esteem, I realized that the more positive energy I put out there the more I would receive in return and my interaction with slender ladies started to change dramatically. It’s amazing what a difference phrasing can make: Instead of my former catty remark of you need to eat a sandwich, I would happily state that I just wanted to watch them slowly put something in their mouth because it was sexy. As a result, friends were made, flings were had, and life just felt brighter. J

So what are you standing around for? Go forth and spread rebellious message of self love!

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog Home

http://www.blogger.com/profile/10359506735811402423

Brickhouse Chronicles: Happy Hug A Fat Chick Day!

“Rebellion is in the circle of a lover`s arms”- Martin Espada

Given how the average person is now under a constant barrage of the message that what they look like now is not okay and that being fat means you are DOOMED, I think it would be simply fabulous if we had a holiday called "National Hug a Fat Chick Day". A day where everyone turned off their televisions and computers to take a break from their usual routine of fat-bashing, self-loathing, and carb-counting and stopped to hug every fat, fluffy, chubby, curvaceous, stocky, plump, rubenesque, and squishy woman (or guy) they encountered. Everyone deserves a vacation and fatties, fluffies, and squishies everyone would look forward to this one treasured day where people embraced them for the jiggly treasure boxes that they truly are. For one day we wouldn’t be the last picked, for one day there would be no thin actors parading around in fat suits…for one day we would all shine.

If the idea of physically hugging your local jiggly poof is a wee bit too advanced, maybe everyone can start by embracing their own inner fat chick. In other words just take one day to chill out and enjoy a decadent triple fudge sundae, engage in a physical activity because it makes your inner fat chick smile and your muscles sing not because you are under the illusion you’re your body is ugly and deserves to be in pain. Then proceed to engage in a couple of sinfully decadent rounds of carefree, uninhibited sex without trying to cover up the parts of your body that joyously ripple, jiggle, and bounce. And yes masturbation definitely counts! If you're feeling brave, you can even *gasp* get on top or sit on a face or two!

Hugging someone makes them tangible, it makes them real....it makes them become a person just like you. Many of us are so busy in our lives that we get into the habit of going into a sort of emotional autopilot when it comes to how we not only how we view ourselves, but other people as well. We forget that we are surrounded by friends, loved ones, and co-workers’ who fit the label of “fat” and it becomes all too easy to dehumanize them and their experiences. I'm sometimes stunned at how intensely some individuals genuinely HATE fat men, women, and children. You see it in blogs, Youtube, Twitter, etc. all the time...the implication that fat people are somehow less than human and therefore deserving of the unrelenting cruelly, scorn and social ostracizing that society places upon them. When you consider the fact that more than half the women in the U.S. wear a size 14 or above, the implication that millions of women are viewed as subhuman is quite staggering.

The ability to conform every fiber of your being to what's "acceptable" is becoming an increasingly valued trait in our society starting from the way one dresses all the way down to something as personal and individual as sexuality and body type. It's okay to be a dyke as long as you're a skinny dyke like on the 'L-Word'. Being black, Latina, Chicana, Indian, and Jewish is okay....as long as you don't look too "ethnic" (dark skin, curly hair, dark eyed.) Being skinny is okay...as long as you have big boobs. Being a gay man is acceptable as long as you don't act like a flaming sissy. The list goes on.

In a world where everyone seems to be drowning in a sea of self hatred, wouldn’t it be awesome if everyone took a plunge into the softly cool waters of body acceptance and fat pride? Next step: The Million Fatty March!

Be a revolutionary and hug a fat chick. You gotta start somewhere

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog Home

http://www.blogger.com/profile/10359506735811402423