Meet the Progressive Pleasure Club!

A New Generation of Education-Based Sex Shops Is Changing the Adult Industry

The growing community of independent sex-positive shops has a new home thanks to the launch of the Progressive Pleasure Club (PPC).  Matie Fricker and I, co-owners of Self Serve Toys in Albuquerque, New Mexico, started the PPC to share support and resources with other shops like ours, which help people make informed decisions about sexuality-related products.  
 

We wanted to get people talking about the unique work we do and the challenges and joys we encounter at Self Serve, and so the Progressive Pleasure Club was born. We believe everyone has a right to enjoy sexual pleasure in a smart and healthy way, and we the PPC will educate customers about local, independent stores where they can feel safe shopping, and can trust the safety of the adult products they buy.

Today a new class of social entrepreneurs are taking the lead in opening sex-positive, independent shops all over the continent. Self Serve is one of a dozen or so like-minded shops in cities from Portland, Maine, to Portland, Oregon, where trained sex educators offer a locally-owned, education-based, ethical place to shop for intimate goods. The Progressive Pleasure Club is a network of independent sex shops dedicated to helping people make informed decisions about sexuality products. Member shops are committed to the promotion of accurate and honest pleasure-based sexuality education, and to offering products that meet the highest standards of safety.  “We are thrilled that the PPC came into being,” explains Gina Rourke, owner of Nomia in Portland, Maine.  “Since 2004, Oh My in Northampton, MA and Nomia have been collaborating and sharing information, as well as our purchasing power. To have the opportunity to join with a cadre of similarly committed entrepreneurs with shared values is nothing short of revolutionary. We are excited to see how this collective will transform lives in our communities as well as the industry at large.”

In the next year PPC members will join forces to educate the public about adult toy safety, promote local support for small business, and lobby adult toy manufacturers to eliminate the use of phthalates and toxins in manufacturing.  “We have created a unique space for sharing marginalized voices, both ours and those of our customers. The PPC is bent on radicalizing the adult industry for the better of all,” shares Lea Caughlan, owner the Rubber Rose in San Diego.

As small business owners, we recognize that there’s power in numbers. And not unlike the healthy polyamorous folks we often serve, PPC members seek to approach business from an ethical place of abundance and positivity. After all, we share the goal of promoting sexual health and pleasure for all, and believe there is room for all to succeed as we strive to reach it.  Searah Deysach, owner of Chicago’s Early to Bed explains, "I am thrilled to be a part of an organization that is made up of small, local businesses that are committed to the same sex-positive, feminist values as I am. I love that we work together to help all of our shops thrive."

We look forward to meeting you in our hometowns all over North America, and helping you improve your relationships and lovin' in a healthy and happy way.

written by:  Molly Adler, co-founder of PPC

Current Members of Progressive Pleasure Club
Early to Bed | Chicago, IL
Feelmore 510 | Oakland, CA
Good for Her | Toronto, ON
Nomia | Portland, ME
Oh My | Northhampton, MA
The Rubber Rose | San Diego, CA
Self Serve | Albuquerque, NM
She Bop | Portland, OR
Smitten Kitten | Minneapolis, MN
Sugar | Baltimore, MD
The Tool Shed | Milwaukee, WI

For more information about the Progressive Pleasure Club, email molly@selfservetoys.com

Sex Positive Culture Jamming

On Monday, January 30th, I was part of a quiet, revolutionary act.  While people drove on Central Ave, Route 66 in Nob Hill, Albuquerque, their drive was interrupted by signs of sex positivity.  There were only five of us standing on the median, but our messages still led to smiles, laughs and hopefully feelings of well being among unexpected commuters.

I love the concept of culture jamming and random acts of kindness.  I also love the idea of combining the two.

Culture jamming is often used to describe disrupting corporate messages to the masses in media like Adbusters.  But it also means simply challenging socially accepted behavior and using a public forum to change the negative, mainstream messages people see and hear all around them.  Random acts of kindness are a simple way to offer more kindness and generosity in the world, without apparently getting anything in return.  One of my favorite stories is the Free Hugs campaign documented on youtube.

Sex negativity is everywhere.
We have begun challenging it in creative, positive, and affirming ways.  On Monday, we simply held up signs with sex positive, body positive messages. 

What's the ABQ Sex positive Street team?
A direct action group created by and for the community of Albuquerque. Our goal through the year of 2012 is to do a bimonthly action aimed at responding to issues of sex negativity with messages of sex positivity

Why now?
Self Serve is celebrating five years of spreading the love in ABQ!  We love what we do everyday in our store and out in the community. We believe that we are changing the culture around sexuality one conversation at a time. We can say with confidence that the space that we share at 3904 Central in Albuquerque is safe space to talk about sexuality, our bodies, our feelings, and anything else that comes up. Creating safe space around sexuality is our daily job and we love it.

We wish the world was a safer space for sexuality.
It's not.

We are activists at heart and working to create empowering events that support the radical acceptance of self and desire.

In a world where custom paint colors and even designer water are easy to come by, the basic human need for a healthy sex life too often goes unspoken or dismissed. Sexuality is everywhere, yet access to good information, discussion and products for promoting healthy sexuality is limited.

We hope that by taking to the streets we will help create a more sex positive world. We want to start a community group that is created by and for our community, because our voices together are hard to ignore.

Learn More...

What is sex positivity?
"The sex-positive movement is an ideology which promotes and embraces open sexuality with few limits. Sex positivity is "an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement advocates sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign."[1] The movement makes no moral distinctions among types of sexual activities, regarding these choices as matters of personal preference." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement

What is Direct Action?
Activists have used direct actions to spur significant social change, such as the occupation of the all-white lunch counters during the sixties, the Montgomery Bus Boycott, the anti-Vietnam and Gulf War protests, and the American Indian Movement occupation of Wounded Knee. Many famous activists have participated in civil disobedience, including the Reverend Martin Luther King, Ghandi and Rosa Parks. These actions have brought attention to many injustices and led to the growth of progressive movements.
http://www.ibiblio.org/netchange/cco/orgaction.html

Even if the media buries the story, activists see each other. For a few minutes or an hour you own a chunk of public space. You exist in a way you don't at home alone. Your voice and your life are amplified in unimaginable ways
http://www.lesbianavengers.com/direct_action.shtml

Join the ABQ Sex Positive Street Team!
Join on Facebook or sign up online... 

Self Serve is 5 Years Old Today!

We celebrate our 5th anniversary this month, and we are grateful.

5 years ago today we opened the doors at Self Serve, became a part of Albuquerque's cultural landscape, and became a part of your lives.  We were two women who just moved from Boston, not knowing much about Burque, and we took a chance on a friendly, new city for our little sexuality resource center.

Thanks for making us a part of your story.  While we may have had visits from Zoning or media all too interested in porn, we also have been growing a space where you come and ask us questions and share your stories with us.  You trust us and take steps to improve your relationships.  You have shared your falling in love and breaking up tales.  We have helped you buy your first vibrator.  We have helped you come out... as queer, bi, poly or trans.  You have asked for help.  We have helped you have better sex. Or we've helped you try again after the divorce or being widowed.  We knew you before the baby or before you got married.  We helped you gain back confidence after the positive STI test.  We helped you love your body more - as is.  We told you it's ok.

Thank you.  Thanks for letting us in, and taking those tough steps, for trusting us and yourself.  Sexuality, our desires, our identities can be confusing, challenging and surprising at times.  They are integral parts of our lives, and we're glad we can help you navigate.  We hope to keep spreading the love for years to come.

We feel so honored to be a part of this community - both in the Duke city and online.  Thanks for an amazing first 5 years.

Love,
Molly and Matie

p.s. we'll be celebrating with events throughout the month!

Thursday, January 12  7:30 pm
Sex Toy Story Night: A night of over-sharing, laughter and camaraderie
Share your stories of self love, bloopers, embarrassments and triumphs. Prizes for Best & Worst Sex Toy Stories!  $5

Saturday, January 21 
Celebrate 5 years of Self Serve at our Open House Birthday Celebration!
Giveaways & Specials all day! Games & Fun 5-9 pm!

Monday, January 30
The Self Serve community is spreading the love around ABQ
–Details to follow!

Leather Bear Tails: Master Monster

Identifying as a Master is inherently emotionally stunting. It can be very difficult to remain centered and balanced when those people around you and closest to you are telling you what a God you are, and a badass, and jumping to do your every bidding. And why should you strive for growth if you are surrounded by those whose very nature is to make you feel empowered and like every decision made is the unquestionable right one. It is hard not to start flashing your naked cooter to the press, or plan a 10 million dollar wedding when you have a world full of people whose only job is to say yes.

If the Master has a slave that consistently builds their ego, and is forbidden to say no in any way, this can literally create a monster, maybe not intentionally, but it does happen. This can happen when the replacing of insecurities with the feeling of empowerment is not achieved by anything that the Master is actively changing or doing. Instead it is created by the masking of those insecurities in a web of the slave’s responsibilities, as well as maintaining a false sense of intellectual and emotional superiority by limiting the information that the Master will allow to be given to them.

There are many, many, many, (did I say many) resources out there that talk endlessly about the unlimited power of the Master. They go on and on about the ability for the Master to rule and dominate and control. With extended scenes about how the Master takes that power, and molds it. These resources play on the Master’s insecurities and shortcomings while simultaneously giving them an out for any type of behavior because after all they are the Master.

Don’t have a job, don’t need one, it is the slave’s requirement to support the household. Want to put the slave in bondage that cuts off the circulation, sure, the Master doesn’t actually need skill, the slave just needs to tolerate what is being done to them and be grateful for it. Want to have unprotected sex with as many people as possible, it is the slave’s job to deal with the consequences, both emotional and physical, and be happy to do it, quietly, so as not to disturb the Masters sleep. Masters angry, it’s the slave’s job to take the brunt of that, in any situation, because slaves aren’t really people- they are owned objects, like punching bags, or toasters. Oh yea and how about how slaves are just people that need to be forced into the situation, after all, they don’t know their true potential until the Master makes then see it through questionably consensual beatings and sex. But in the end they will be sooo very grateful that you, the Master, showed them their true selves…..

Then at the very bottom, if it exists at all and in much smaller print, there is a very limited section on responsibility and accountability. Because you don’t want to get in the way of the fantasy to much, it will kill the boner.

I don’t mind ( well I do really) all of this out there, what I do mind more then anything is the type of real time people it creates. People that don’t have boundaries are insufferable, they are egomaniacs that we all have had to deal with that are not only dangerous (yes in real time) but also are very socially inappropriate. Having no boundaries creates a sense of entitlement, so basics like not touching others toys, not touching others subs, not intruding into a scene, and being sure not to monopolize the conversation as well as new people do not apply to them.

That is why boundaries are important, to everybody.

Being a Master doesn’t mean that that you are done growing or that you have achieved some pinnacle of enlightenment that allows you to always be right. It also doesn’t mean that your skills can’t be learned or improved upon.

I may not like it when I screw up and my slave calls me on it, but I do know that if she is saying it, I had better listen. For me, being a powerful Master isn’t about limiting what I hear or know, it is about admitting that I have a lot of room to grow, and that sometimes it is really important for me to hear the hard stuff. If I don’t allow this I will never get better, stronger or more skilled.

So I am putting out there a challenge to all Masters:

When was the last time your slave taught you something?

When was the last time you asked them to?

If you are looking for play parties, power munches, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Felitfe.com

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: AEL Kinkskills ends its third year

A few weeks back was the year end wrap up for AEL Kinkskills. It ends our third year. It has been this amazing experience and I feel rather selfish because a lot of times I feel I do this more for my own learning more than anything! I am so grateful for the three host houses and the teachers that donate their time and effort and energy. Without these volunteers the project would not be dead in the water.

We started the year in January with Tantra and BDSM. The teacher and host house really set the mood, the energy crackled with sexual tension! I love doing tantra with my lovely slave as a way to connect and expand our sexual power, but learning how to translate those feelings for use in the scene expanded our experience of the techniques!

The next workshop in March was auto bondage. I know that this is a very sticky subject because of the inherent danger. The teacher actually received some angry emails about teaching the subject. I thought a lot about this, whether to have it taught or not, and what it boiled down to was a few things. One the teacher was someone who I had wanted to teach for a while; he is a talented teacher and connects with people very well. And two it is because of the danger that the subject needs to be bought out into the light. People tie themselves up whether or not it is discussed, so let’s talk about it, and what it takes to do it with safety as the prime concern. The host house was very cozy and intimate, giving a feeling of safety, and when I learned how to tie up my own hands and feet I was flying high for days!

May brought the one on one flogging intensives. We had three teachers, we offered one on one instruction of 20 minutes apiece, and a teacher in the common area to help with peoples questions. The host house was amazing! It was open and provided separate space for people to be able to concentrate and focus! Many people came into the workshop wanting to learn how to do florentine, which is a double handed technique, but did not know how to flog with both hands separately. So the teaching was about running through the basics with both hands, teaching confidence, working with coordination, breaking the patterns that people get stuck in, and having a ton of fun. I was also able to give tips on a bottom moving into a dominate space, and my favorite, slowly and rhythmically flogging with the tops eyes closed so that they can get a different sense of their own body. There was so much laughter, and my slave watched and served me so very well!

July was cock and ball torture. Wow, that was interesting. As a lesbian I don’t have an interest really, but both teachers were extremely knowledgeable. They went over anatomy, and then they talked through and demonstrated from simple and inexpensive to complex things to be able to do. I found myself drawn into the subject, asking questions, and egging on the presenters. I had a blast and the food made for the event was amazing, so when everyone else was in the workshop I got to eat!! In the end everyone walked away with a free clothes pin zipper!!!

In September we did make your own toy. I was so hopeful for the new teacher and he went way beyond my expectations! The toy was his own design, a dragons tongue. He owns a local business making leather goods, and his ability to relate to the students made the class a powerful great time! Everyone walked away with a brand new toy. I really wanted to do this workshop, but I was so exhausted from coming off of work that I just sat to the side and watched and enjoyed people laughing.

In November a few weeks ago was mummification. I was really interested in this, I had only seen it done once and didn’t really know anything about it. When the teacher came in and the supplies were right there, I took my turn wrapping up my slave and LOVED IT! Next payday I have wrap on the list of HAVE TO BUY! It is not only inexpensive, but it is intense and there are so many options with it! It was such a wonderful thing to be able to try it in front of the watchful eye of someone who really knows what they are doing. To be able to ask questions and feel it before we invested in the materials. My mind is whirling with possibilities!

I am so excited for January 2012, I have been planning and plotting, and already have the year ready to go. Just too wet your appetite January kicks off with canes and caning!

If you are interested in power munches, hands on workshop, and play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

Aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Fertlife.com

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: The vacuum of problems

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Leather Bear Tails: A Masters connection to Power

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