Leather Bear Tails: Aftercare

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Leather Bear Tails: Co-Topping

Lately I have been changing and growing and really wanting to learn new things. So, for the first time ever I co- topped my slave with another person!! Then for the first time ever I had a double scene with my slave and another couple! The other couple is not Master and slave, they are Sadist and masochist that was quite an experience. It was quite fun coming to the realization that the goals are completely different for a Sadist then they are for a Master! WOW!! It was amazing and invigorating playing off their energy, challenging myself and learning new things the whole time.

In the ten years that my slave and I have been together I have never allowed another Dominant to touch her during play. When we were very first together and I wanted to expand my skill base, I went to another Master and asked to learn new things using my slave as the bottom. It did not take long for the other Master to start treating me like I was a submissive, and wanting to do things to my slave that were more about this other persons desire then my learning. After that it has taken years for me to relax and be open enough to include another person in play. Or trust another person to put their hands on my slave.

There are a few things that are supposed to be done before another person co-tops in a scene. It is like starting from square one, you all sit down, you all negotiate, you all talk about hard limits, toys to be used and not to be used, who is in control of the scene, who is doing what to whom, who can call the scene and so on.

So…

I broke every rule possible. Yep, total disregard for the rules of engagement.

The first time I called in the other person to co-top, I tied up my slave, put a blindfold on her, and laid her down on the bed. Then I thought “Hey I have an idea!” I walked out of the room leaving her alone, and asked the other person if they were interested in co-topping. I was so excited when I got an emphatic yes and we walked back to the room and began the scene.

It was phenomenal!!! I got very lucky that the other person watched me very closely and followed my lead. They went just far enough throughout the play then would stop, and I got to learn by watching their style!

The second time I did the same thing.

I was standing there before play had started and I got to thinking “Hey I have an idea.” I went over to the other person, a Sadist and asked if we could co-top out bottoms together. I was so nervous and intimidated to ask, I was really thinking that they would say no, and so when they accepted I was thrilled! This other person has such a great skill set, and I just wanted to learn and hope that I could keep up without embarrassing myself!

The basis of the scene were decided between the Sadist and me, and never discussed with the bottoms. Again complete disregard for the rules of engagement. But once it was started it was amazing! The Sadist concentrated on their bottom and I concentrated on my slave while they were tied together and the whole thing was a huge ball of awesomeness! I learned so much, and I got great ideas for more play! I was thrilled at the experience!

It was really something.

But, in retrospect I was very lucky.

I had two scenes and both of the tops respected me, my relationship and my boundaries, there was no play for dominance between the other tops and myself, there was no showboating and we followed each other’s leads. It was really something.

A lucky something, because it could have easily gone the other way.

Although as a group we did not negotiate, I have known these people for a while, I have seen them play and I have met with them personally and socially. I knew that the energy that they would bring would be amazing, sexual, and intense. But most of all, I knew that this want going to be about showing off or trying to one up each other at the bottoms expense. It was about a wonderful exchange of ideas and play that left me and my slave flying for days.

If you are interested in play parties, hands on workshops, or power munches in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Fetlife.com

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: Master Monster

Identifying as a Master is inherently emotionally stunting. It can be very difficult to remain centered and balanced when those people around you and closest to you are telling you what a God you are, and a badass, and jumping to do your every bidding. And why should you strive for growth if you are surrounded by those whose very nature is to make you feel empowered and like every decision made is the unquestionable right one. It is hard not to start flashing your naked cooter to the press, or plan a 10 million dollar wedding when you have a world full of people whose only job is to say yes.

If the Master has a slave that consistently builds their ego, and is forbidden to say no in any way, this can literally create a monster, maybe not intentionally, but it does happen. This can happen when the replacing of insecurities with the feeling of empowerment is not achieved by anything that the Master is actively changing or doing. Instead it is created by the masking of those insecurities in a web of the slave’s responsibilities, as well as maintaining a false sense of intellectual and emotional superiority by limiting the information that the Master will allow to be given to them.

There are many, many, many, (did I say many) resources out there that talk endlessly about the unlimited power of the Master. They go on and on about the ability for the Master to rule and dominate and control. With extended scenes about how the Master takes that power, and molds it. These resources play on the Master’s insecurities and shortcomings while simultaneously giving them an out for any type of behavior because after all they are the Master.

Don’t have a job, don’t need one, it is the slave’s requirement to support the household. Want to put the slave in bondage that cuts off the circulation, sure, the Master doesn’t actually need skill, the slave just needs to tolerate what is being done to them and be grateful for it. Want to have unprotected sex with as many people as possible, it is the slave’s job to deal with the consequences, both emotional and physical, and be happy to do it, quietly, so as not to disturb the Masters sleep. Masters angry, it’s the slave’s job to take the brunt of that, in any situation, because slaves aren’t really people- they are owned objects, like punching bags, or toasters. Oh yea and how about how slaves are just people that need to be forced into the situation, after all, they don’t know their true potential until the Master makes then see it through questionably consensual beatings and sex. But in the end they will be sooo very grateful that you, the Master, showed them their true selves…..

Then at the very bottom, if it exists at all and in much smaller print, there is a very limited section on responsibility and accountability. Because you don’t want to get in the way of the fantasy to much, it will kill the boner.

I don’t mind ( well I do really) all of this out there, what I do mind more then anything is the type of real time people it creates. People that don’t have boundaries are insufferable, they are egomaniacs that we all have had to deal with that are not only dangerous (yes in real time) but also are very socially inappropriate. Having no boundaries creates a sense of entitlement, so basics like not touching others toys, not touching others subs, not intruding into a scene, and being sure not to monopolize the conversation as well as new people do not apply to them.

That is why boundaries are important, to everybody.

Being a Master doesn’t mean that that you are done growing or that you have achieved some pinnacle of enlightenment that allows you to always be right. It also doesn’t mean that your skills can’t be learned or improved upon.

I may not like it when I screw up and my slave calls me on it, but I do know that if she is saying it, I had better listen. For me, being a powerful Master isn’t about limiting what I hear or know, it is about admitting that I have a lot of room to grow, and that sometimes it is really important for me to hear the hard stuff. If I don’t allow this I will never get better, stronger or more skilled.

So I am putting out there a challenge to all Masters:

When was the last time your slave taught you something?

When was the last time you asked them to?

If you are looking for play parties, power munches, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Felitfe.com

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: AEL Kinkskills ends its third year

A few weeks back was the year end wrap up for AEL Kinkskills. It ends our third year. It has been this amazing experience and I feel rather selfish because a lot of times I feel I do this more for my own learning more than anything! I am so grateful for the three host houses and the teachers that donate their time and effort and energy. Without these volunteers the project would not be dead in the water.

We started the year in January with Tantra and BDSM. The teacher and host house really set the mood, the energy crackled with sexual tension! I love doing tantra with my lovely slave as a way to connect and expand our sexual power, but learning how to translate those feelings for use in the scene expanded our experience of the techniques!

The next workshop in March was auto bondage. I know that this is a very sticky subject because of the inherent danger. The teacher actually received some angry emails about teaching the subject. I thought a lot about this, whether to have it taught or not, and what it boiled down to was a few things. One the teacher was someone who I had wanted to teach for a while; he is a talented teacher and connects with people very well. And two it is because of the danger that the subject needs to be bought out into the light. People tie themselves up whether or not it is discussed, so let’s talk about it, and what it takes to do it with safety as the prime concern. The host house was very cozy and intimate, giving a feeling of safety, and when I learned how to tie up my own hands and feet I was flying high for days!

May brought the one on one flogging intensives. We had three teachers, we offered one on one instruction of 20 minutes apiece, and a teacher in the common area to help with peoples questions. The host house was amazing! It was open and provided separate space for people to be able to concentrate and focus! Many people came into the workshop wanting to learn how to do florentine, which is a double handed technique, but did not know how to flog with both hands separately. So the teaching was about running through the basics with both hands, teaching confidence, working with coordination, breaking the patterns that people get stuck in, and having a ton of fun. I was also able to give tips on a bottom moving into a dominate space, and my favorite, slowly and rhythmically flogging with the tops eyes closed so that they can get a different sense of their own body. There was so much laughter, and my slave watched and served me so very well!

July was cock and ball torture. Wow, that was interesting. As a lesbian I don’t have an interest really, but both teachers were extremely knowledgeable. They went over anatomy, and then they talked through and demonstrated from simple and inexpensive to complex things to be able to do. I found myself drawn into the subject, asking questions, and egging on the presenters. I had a blast and the food made for the event was amazing, so when everyone else was in the workshop I got to eat!! In the end everyone walked away with a free clothes pin zipper!!!

In September we did make your own toy. I was so hopeful for the new teacher and he went way beyond my expectations! The toy was his own design, a dragons tongue. He owns a local business making leather goods, and his ability to relate to the students made the class a powerful great time! Everyone walked away with a brand new toy. I really wanted to do this workshop, but I was so exhausted from coming off of work that I just sat to the side and watched and enjoyed people laughing.

In November a few weeks ago was mummification. I was really interested in this, I had only seen it done once and didn’t really know anything about it. When the teacher came in and the supplies were right there, I took my turn wrapping up my slave and LOVED IT! Next payday I have wrap on the list of HAVE TO BUY! It is not only inexpensive, but it is intense and there are so many options with it! It was such a wonderful thing to be able to try it in front of the watchful eye of someone who really knows what they are doing. To be able to ask questions and feel it before we invested in the materials. My mind is whirling with possibilities!

I am so excited for January 2012, I have been planning and plotting, and already have the year ready to go. Just too wet your appetite January kicks off with canes and caning!

If you are interested in power munches, hands on workshop, and play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

Aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Fertlife.com

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: The vacuum of problems

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Leather Bear Tails: A Masters connection to Power

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