Watch Self Serve TV!

Did you know Self Serve is creating lots of sex ed and sex toy reviews videos?  We've been making more and more clips of how-to sex technique videos, sex toy reviews, and sharing discussions about sexuality issues that matter to us.

We love getting to share information and educate in our Albuquerque store, so we're excited to share with the world online.  Now you can study before you make a purchase!  Enjoy!

Plan for a New Year of Love

Our January 2012 classes are now online!

Check out our events page for a calendar of January sex ed classes for women, men and couples.  We'll also be celebrating the 5 year anniversary of Self Serve next month, so mark your calendars.  Throughout the month of January Self Serve will be spreading the love - through special store events, sales and surprises to brighten your day (and love life).

Leather Bear Tails: AEL - 20 years of Service

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February 22nd: Learn to Get Naked Shamelessly

At Self Serve we talk about pleasure and sex positive empowerment a lot.  Author and Sexuality Educator Pamela Madsen says the biggest obstacle to getting there is body shame.  She points out, "Once we can face our own bodies and accept the beauty of our form in whatever configuration we are in - we can then begin to connect our emotional self to our physical self which is an important step to living a whole life."

It's a big task and a lifelong journey for many people.  We are so excited that Pamela is coming to Albuquerque next week, and bringing her workshop to Self Serve.  She writes and teaches about loving your body as the first step to sexual bliss.  If you are not fully present, how can you maximize pleasure and truly connect with others?  If you can't feel sexy looking in the mirror, how can you rock a strip tease for your lover?  It's all interconnected, and we could all use some help getting there.

Pamela's new book has just been released, SHAMELESS: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure…and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner.  Join us for a workshop that can help you, too, get naked and love yourself.  You deserve it.  If you're not in Albuquerque, you can still order the book, check out her book tour, and learn on Pamela's blog.

Oregon State Uninvites Tristan Taormino

Shame on you, Oregon State.

There's no way to quell students' efforts to celebrate and learn about diverse sexuality than to un-invite a world renowned author and speaker, Tristan Taormino last minute.

Please read Taormino's press release and my response letter to University officials is below.

A veiled conservative, last minute decision from Oregon State University officials suddenly revoked previously-promised funding.  One of my least favorite, increasingly frequent pet peeves is when a conversation about positive sexuality must turn to censorship.  Yet again, in efforts to celebrate healthy sexuality, a group is censored around what kind of sexuality they can talk about.

Even in a supposedly progressive place like Oregon; in a University environment where self exploration, critical thinking and new ideas should be supported, students are forced to un-invite their keynote speaker on sexual empowerment.

A press release yesterday states:

Award-winning author, columnist, sex educator, and filmmaker Tristan Taormino was set to be the keynote speaker at Oregon State University’s Modern Sex conference, scheduled for February 15-16, 2011. Yesterday, she was uninvited by a university representative, who cited her resume and website as the reason.

On October 28, 2010, organizers of the OSU Modern Sex conference booked Taormino to give the keynote talk.  After standard conversations and negotiation over a contract, in late December, OSU again confirmed Tristan’s appearance and conference organizers told her manager to purchase airline tickets, for which OSU would be reimburse her.

On Tuesday, January 18, 2011, Steven Leider, Director of the Office of LGBT Outreach and Services contacted Colten Tognazzini, Tristan Taormino’s manager, to say that the conference had come up short on funding. Tognazzini told him that since the travel was booked and the time reserved, they could work with whatever budget they did have. Leider said that would not be possible: “We have to cancel Ms. Taormino’s appearance due to a lack of funding. It has been decided that OSU cannot pay Ms. Taormino with general fee dollars, because of the content of her resume and website.” At OSU, ‘general fee dollars’ include taxpayer dollars given to the University by the Oregon State Legislature to defray various costs. They differ from ‘student activity dollars,’ which are part of every student’s tuition and help fund student groups and activities.

Taormino’s resume includes her seven books on sex and relationships, the 18 anthologies she has edited, numerous television appearances from CNN to The Discovery Channel, and her award-winning adult films. She was a columnist for The Village Voice for nearly ten years and has given more than 75 lectures at top colleges and universities including Yale, Princeton, Cornell, Brown, NYU and Columbia. Her website, puckerup.com , includes sex education information, advice, and information about the films she directs for Vivid Entertainment, one of the largest adult companies in the country.

Tognazzini spoke to a source at OSU who speculated that the University feared that when it went before the legislature in regards to future funding, legislators would use OSU’s funding of a “pornographer” on campus as ammunition to further cut budgets. This source, who wishes to remain anonymous, told Tognazzini, “I think they’re uninviting Tristan because they don’t want to have to defend her appearance to conservative legislators.”

“I’m extremely disappointed that OSU has decided to cancel my appearance. I’ve been protested before, but never uninvited. I have never misrepresented who I am or what I do. I am proud of all the work I do, including the sex education films and feminist pornography I make,” says Taormino. “The talk I planned to give at this conference, titled “Claiming Your Sexual Power” has nothing to do with porn, but the porn is such an easy target for anti-sex conservatives and censors. I find it ironic that one of the missions of the conference is to understand diverse perspectives of sexuality. Apparently, my perspective—one of educating and empowering people around their sexuality—isn’t welcome at OSU.”

Note from Tristan:

Don't Let the Anti-Sex Conservatives Win!

If you support free speech and my mission of sexual empowerment, please voice your opinion about OSU’s decision to cancel my appearance at the last minute (and not reimburse me for travel expenses) to the following people. I would really appreciate your support —Tristan

Larry Roper
Vice Provost for Student Affairs
632 Kerr Administration Building
Corvallis, OR 97331-2154
541-737-3626 (phone)
541-737-3033 (fax)
email: larry.roper@oregonstate.edu

Dr. Mamta Motwani Accapadi
Dean of Student Life
A200 Kerr Administration Building
Corvallis, OR 97331-2133
541-737-8748 (phone)
541-737-9160 (fax)
email: deanofstudents@oregonstate.edu
twitter: @deanmamta

Dr. Edward J. Ray
President
600 Kerr Administration Building
Corvallis, OR 97331-2128
541-737-4133 (phone)
541-737-3033 (fax)
email: pres.office@oregonstate.edu

My letter to University officials:

To President Ray, Dean Motwani Accapadi, and Vice President Roper


Shame on you.

There's no way to quell students' efforts to celebrate and learn about diverse sexuality than to un-invite a world renowned author and speaker, Tristan Taormino last minute.

A veiled conservative, last minute decision from your University suddenly revoked previously-promised funding for a great thinker in modern sexuality. 

Even in a supposedly progressive place like Oregon; in a University environment where self exploration, critical thinking and new ideas should be supported, students are forced to un-invite their keynote speaker on sexual empowerment.

One of my least favorite, increasingly frequent pet peeves is when a conversation about positive sexuality must turn to censorship.  Yet again, in efforts to celebrate healthy sexuality, a group is censored around what kind of sexuality they can or can't talk about.

I agree with Tristan Taormino, it's "ironic that one of the missions of the conference is to understand diverse perspectives of sexuality. Apparently, [her] perspective—one of educating and empowering people around their sexuality—isn’t welcome at OSU.”

I wish the leaders at Oregon State could see this situation 10 or 20 years from now.  With the opportunity to offer students a new, positive, healthy and empowered approach to sexuality, you chose to support censorship and fear. 

As a sexuality educator myself, I know the challenges that exist around teaching sex positive empowerment and sharing sex resources.  There are numerous opponents to sharing comprehensive sex information with youth or in religious environments, of course.  But I am greatly saddened when even students at an institution of higher education are prevented from seeking the sexuality knowledge they seek out.

I hope you reconsider this cancellation of Tristan Taormino's keynote address, and extend a hand to sexuality educators of all experiences in the future.

Sincerely,

Molly Adler
Sexuality Educator, and co-owner, Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center
3904b Central Ave SE
Albuquerque, NM 87108
505-265-5815

Rockin' Sex Ed from MTV

MTV Shows

I like this guy.

It's rad that MTV with all its pregnant-teen-mom shows has hip and accurate sex ed info online!  I'm down to see rock stars giving sane advice about safer sex.

Censorship Week: Abstinence Only Education = Censorship

The government can't protect teens from the truth and from sex. Our culture will still be hyper-sexualized no matter what the laws around sex ed.

An interesting take on abstinence-only sex education makes the important connection between abstinence-only and censorship. Censoring scientific facts and research on sexuality, contraception or pregnancy serves no one.

More Sex Ed, Not Sex Drugs...

Every day at Self Serve we help women and men with sex and relationship challenges. We put a sex positive spin on peoples' outlooks. We encourage education, trying new activities and honest communication. It's amazing how these sex and relationship skills, skills no one is taught in school, can do wonders for boosting ones' sex life.

But I don't believe the latest brain drug Flibanserin can guarantee the same results.

There’s a lot of controversy surrounding Flibanserin, and it's going for approval at the FDA tomorrow. Look. It’s not that I don’t want to find a magic pill that brings women and men desire. It’s just that I know it’s not that simple. That is why I hope the FDA will vote no on this particular drug.

When the majority of women still don’t understand their own basic sexual anatomy, there are some vital steps missing when we jump to pharmaceutical solutions. That, and 6 months of research on a brain drug that offers maybe "one more sexually satisfying event" per month just isn't enough to convince me.

It's refreshing when medical research states the obvious truth. For example, one 2003 study "emphasizes the [importance of] psychological and social issues that contribute to sexual distress in women and propose that we further examine the distinction between “dysfunction” and “reaction to circumstances.” A stressed, busy, tired working woman may not get off or get turned on at the drop of a hat. Or pants for that matter. Ask any woman and she will probably confirm "circumstances" of her life are relevant to if she's in the mood.

A recent Portuguese study really hits the nail (er, clit?) on the head. The article proposes that “it is possible that in the vast majority of cases in which a clinician would administer a diagnosis of FSAD [Female Sexual Dysfunction], that if more effective stimulation were applied, arousal may not be impaired, and the FSAD diagnosis would not be given.” In laywoman's terms: If her partner could perhaps learn how to better stimulate his ladyfriend, there would be no medical problem in her capacity for pleasure. There are many ways to find effective stimulation without a prescription. She's not broken, people. It's just that no one read the manual.

Feminist sources I respect are mocking those of us against flibanserin, but they're getting it wrong. I think Lisa Cullen summed it up best in describing the disappointing results of the clinical trials.

Hopefully the controversy of unsuccessful drugs for female sexual pleasure will at least raise the topic in our national consciousness. The debate for or against the big business of medicalized sex may get my panties in a bunch, but at least female pleasure is getting some attention!

Sex ed is critical to the under 18 set

When we teach sexuality workshops or visit classes at University of New Mexico I always survey students on their sex ed experience. I ask how many had sex ed in schools. The response ranges from 5% to maybe 25%. These are adults, born in the late eighties, mostly having attended abstinence only sex education.

Then I ask, "How many of you learned something in school sex ed that actually helped you on a date or with an intimate partner later on?" Hands go down and they all laugh. Young people find sex ed today laughable in terms of relevance.

This is probably not a shock to anyone reading this... or breathing. Of course we all know where kids get information about sex- friends, the media, and mostly, the internet.

Of course with all the regulations about who can access sex toys and information, selfservetoys.com is officially 18 plus only. But we find it critical to offer resources to younger folks. This under 18 resource page is very important to us. And the top site is struggling to stay afloat.

Scarleteen has been my favorite under 18 sex ed website since I can remember. The site is fun, hip, down-to-earth and full of reliable information. Within the first paragraph on their homepage, they cover curious topics such as gender identity, the foreskin, female and male anatomy and vaginal discharge. So many things we wonder about daily.

So help this awesome sex website stay strong and kickin'! Donate, volunteer or at least explore Scarleteen for the first time, no matter how grown up you are.

Tristan Taormino, serendipity & a female ejaculation contest

It's exciting to me when the world feels small, and the universe seems to say, "you are exactly where you should be."

I didn't know attending a G Spot workshop would be so serendipitous and foreshadow events three or nine years later. I didn't think about the next time I would run into someone I met at that Michigan Womyn's Music Festival workshop in the woods. I didn't know I'd start a sex shop with a woman also at that workshop, a woman I wouldn't meet for another three years. I didn't have any sense that it would be nine years until I saw Tristan Taormino in person again. But there are certain times in life when you look back and it seems life shifted just then, in that moment.

In 2000, I attended and worked at Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. I was a baby (bull) dyke (in a china shop) -- a big, empty sponge- absorbing culture, music, traditions, craft, community, sex-positivity, herstory, inter-generational art and adventure. I saw first hand how positive and radical a self-created women's space can be. I loved how women from all over the world taught workshops and shared skills.

I hadn't learned much about sex toys, the g spot or female ejaculation. I had heard of Tristan Taormino, the sex writer and sex advice columnist in On Our Backs. I knew the female ejaculation workshop sounded like the sexiest workshop at Michigan, so if I could only attend one workshop as a worker -that was it. So I went.


I had no buddies beside me, and sat next to a friendly, quiet, middle-aged woman. My eyes were surely big and my world was rocked as I learned how to find a g spot and watched women learn first hand. Literally. It was so radical seeing sexy, gloved volunteers gently show women where to find their g spots. The workshop ended and then began the only female ejaculation contest I have had the pleasure to see. Women won in categories like quantity, distance and single-handed-job. The quiet woman next to me won for speed. Little did I know when I sat down next to her, but she clearly could ejaculate in 45 seconds flat. It was a talented group. The workshop was one of the most exciting experiences for me- not just the live sex demo, but the brilliance of women showing other women new ways to find pleasure. I didn't know it then, but I found my passion...

Three years later and after lots of travels, I found myself living in a share house in Lower Allston in Boston. There I met my best friend and future business partner, Matie Fricker. Sometime in the first year of getting to know each other, we figured out that she, too, was in that crowd of women at Tristan's workshop in the woods. Lo and behold, in looking through my Mich Fest photos, I found one with Matie in the crowd.

Now in 2009, Matie and I are about to host the 3rd Annual Pornotopia Film Festival and Self Serve is almost three years old. It feels like a milestone and a re-connection that Tristan Taormino is coming to be part of this year's festival. It seems the first time Matie and I unknowingly crossed paths was when we both sought out accessible, hands-on sex education with Tristan Taormino. Now we can share her brilliance with the rest of Albuquerque. Full circle.

So glad the stars aligned the way they did.

p.s. I blurred all the faces (except Tristan's) in the Michfest photo. Your secrets are safe with us...

Sex just keeps getting censored

It still ceases to amaze me. People are so very afraid of sex. Why else would there be so many censorship battles? Self Serve is just two and half years old, and we've had more than our share of brick walls, closed doors and unwanted editing. All in the name of preserving what? Some puritanical fantasy of an asexual, totally repressed world?

Why now do I bring this up? Thanks to an abundance of recent inspiration:

• A sex educator in Rhode Island is being blocked from opening the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health due to (you guessed it...) zoning issues!

• Google Checkout, of the all-amazing (and all-powerful) Google, shut down our account after a mere 48 hours of having selfservetoys linked to their shopping results.

Rhode Island deserves sexual pleasure and health!

Seriously? I keep thinking of the SNL weekend update with Amy Poehler and ... where they just get more and more astounded by the stupidity of the actual news. Well, so am I! Megan Andelloux in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, wants to open a welcoming, safe space to learn about sexuality and improve relationships. Megan Andelloux is supported by sex educators, sex therapists, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists and all her potential business neighbors. But the city is using zoning (as usual) as an excuse to keep her from doing great work. Now she has an expensive legal battle on her hands.

What are you so afraid of, people?! I have to admit, it reminds me of the cold-hearted adult children on Grey's Anatomy last week. I was so proud of the 82-year-old character for pursuing his penile implant. Sure it's not a liver transplant, but if that man wants to enjoy his good health with a new love, that is a beautiful thing! Yet his middle-aged children were embarrassed, critical, condescending and judgmental.

Sex is healthy and pleasure is good for you. This concept is apparently still radical. What a pity.

The first time I got really mad at the all-mighty Google.

How Google felt justified closing our Checkout account is a whole other story of hypocrisy. Self Serve uses Google. We typically love Google. We use Gmail, Google Docs, Picasa, Blogger (apparently) and we were excited to start using Google Checkout. We had our web programmer lady work for hours on setting up a new Google Checkout account. I was so excited for the new visibility for our site. The account went live, and within hours we had new orders. Then within three days, Google closed our account and claim their policies do not allow the sale of adult items.

Well guess where you can find over 5 million pages of shopping results for even one vibrating item in Google Shopping results? Oh, silly me. I thought that policy was bunk since all the most gigantic online retailers seem to be selling adult toys through Google Checkout.

Hmm, how odd. Little companies like the Center for Sexual Health and Pleasure and Self Serve are fought tooth and nail for the basic right to teach healthy, happy sex education, while Amazon, Walgreens, Drugstore.com, Buy.com and others can go on undercutting prices of independent retailers and get away with ignoring Google's anti-adult policies.

Unfortunately, we're not new to this whole censorship thing...

If you are new to the world of Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center, here are a few more reasons we get fed up with censorship:

• Banks won't lend to any sex education business. Even with the economy in a slump, no SBA loans for new businesses teaching sex education. Even when we won an award for our business plan, no institutional lender would touch us. Instead, we found 9-plus amazing real people willing to help fund our start-up.
  
Four landlords in Albuquerque said no to us before we found a retail space.
Our Pornotopia independent erotic film festival is awaiting another court decision about zoning violations in 2008. We'll keep you posted as this year's festival approaches.
• We once had to fight to publish a subtle picture of a bunny when designing a $700 magazine advertisement.
Online merchant service-providers say no to adult web sites of any kind.
• After paying hundreds of dollars for insurance for over a year, our provider gave us 30 days to find a new underwriter -- because of what we sell.
• We once donated a silent auction item worth $50 to support continuing education for teen moms. The auction organizer rejected our donation. We found out only after the fundraiser.
  

So how do we cope without pulling our hair out?

Yes, of course the first obvious answer is therapeutic masturbation. But after you finish your nap- then what? The world is slowly changing, minds are opening and powers-that-be are recognizing the possibility of healthy, empowered sexuality for all. But change will not arrive without speaking out and taking action. Here are some suggestions.

• Pay attention. Speak Out. When voices are not being heard -anyone's voice- free speech is being censored. As Audre Lorde famously stated, "Your silence will not protect you."
• Support small, local and minority-owned businesses. Your money is exponentially more likely to stay in your community.
• If you believe in the right to a sex-positive life- support free speech and sex education.
• Support Megan's effort to open the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health in Pawtucket, RI. We're getting more action steps from her soon!
• Attend Pornotopia Erotic Film Festival in Albuquerque, NM!
• Support your local ACLU!