Leather Bear Tails: 12 slaves of Christmas

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Leather Bear Tails: Co-Topping

Lately I have been changing and growing and really wanting to learn new things. So, for the first time ever I co- topped my slave with another person!! Then for the first time ever I had a double scene with my slave and another couple! The other couple is not Master and slave, they are Sadist and masochist that was quite an experience. It was quite fun coming to the realization that the goals are completely different for a Sadist then they are for a Master! WOW!! It was amazing and invigorating playing off their energy, challenging myself and learning new things the whole time.

In the ten years that my slave and I have been together I have never allowed another Dominant to touch her during play. When we were very first together and I wanted to expand my skill base, I went to another Master and asked to learn new things using my slave as the bottom. It did not take long for the other Master to start treating me like I was a submissive, and wanting to do things to my slave that were more about this other persons desire then my learning. After that it has taken years for me to relax and be open enough to include another person in play. Or trust another person to put their hands on my slave.

There are a few things that are supposed to be done before another person co-tops in a scene. It is like starting from square one, you all sit down, you all negotiate, you all talk about hard limits, toys to be used and not to be used, who is in control of the scene, who is doing what to whom, who can call the scene and so on.

So…

I broke every rule possible. Yep, total disregard for the rules of engagement.

The first time I called in the other person to co-top, I tied up my slave, put a blindfold on her, and laid her down on the bed. Then I thought “Hey I have an idea!” I walked out of the room leaving her alone, and asked the other person if they were interested in co-topping. I was so excited when I got an emphatic yes and we walked back to the room and began the scene.

It was phenomenal!!! I got very lucky that the other person watched me very closely and followed my lead. They went just far enough throughout the play then would stop, and I got to learn by watching their style!

The second time I did the same thing.

I was standing there before play had started and I got to thinking “Hey I have an idea.” I went over to the other person, a Sadist and asked if we could co-top out bottoms together. I was so nervous and intimidated to ask, I was really thinking that they would say no, and so when they accepted I was thrilled! This other person has such a great skill set, and I just wanted to learn and hope that I could keep up without embarrassing myself!

The basis of the scene were decided between the Sadist and me, and never discussed with the bottoms. Again complete disregard for the rules of engagement. But once it was started it was amazing! The Sadist concentrated on their bottom and I concentrated on my slave while they were tied together and the whole thing was a huge ball of awesomeness! I learned so much, and I got great ideas for more play! I was thrilled at the experience!

It was really something.

But, in retrospect I was very lucky.

I had two scenes and both of the tops respected me, my relationship and my boundaries, there was no play for dominance between the other tops and myself, there was no showboating and we followed each other’s leads. It was really something.

A lucky something, because it could have easily gone the other way.

Although as a group we did not negotiate, I have known these people for a while, I have seen them play and I have met with them personally and socially. I knew that the energy that they would bring would be amazing, sexual, and intense. But most of all, I knew that this want going to be about showing off or trying to one up each other at the bottoms expense. It was about a wonderful exchange of ideas and play that left me and my slave flying for days.

If you are interested in play parties, hands on workshops, or power munches in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Fetlife.com

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: Master Monster

Identifying as a Master is inherently emotionally stunting. It can be very difficult to remain centered and balanced when those people around you and closest to you are telling you what a God you are, and a badass, and jumping to do your every bidding. And why should you strive for growth if you are surrounded by those whose very nature is to make you feel empowered and like every decision made is the unquestionable right one. It is hard not to start flashing your naked cooter to the press, or plan a 10 million dollar wedding when you have a world full of people whose only job is to say yes.

If the Master has a slave that consistently builds their ego, and is forbidden to say no in any way, this can literally create a monster, maybe not intentionally, but it does happen. This can happen when the replacing of insecurities with the feeling of empowerment is not achieved by anything that the Master is actively changing or doing. Instead it is created by the masking of those insecurities in a web of the slave’s responsibilities, as well as maintaining a false sense of intellectual and emotional superiority by limiting the information that the Master will allow to be given to them.

There are many, many, many, (did I say many) resources out there that talk endlessly about the unlimited power of the Master. They go on and on about the ability for the Master to rule and dominate and control. With extended scenes about how the Master takes that power, and molds it. These resources play on the Master’s insecurities and shortcomings while simultaneously giving them an out for any type of behavior because after all they are the Master.

Don’t have a job, don’t need one, it is the slave’s requirement to support the household. Want to put the slave in bondage that cuts off the circulation, sure, the Master doesn’t actually need skill, the slave just needs to tolerate what is being done to them and be grateful for it. Want to have unprotected sex with as many people as possible, it is the slave’s job to deal with the consequences, both emotional and physical, and be happy to do it, quietly, so as not to disturb the Masters sleep. Masters angry, it’s the slave’s job to take the brunt of that, in any situation, because slaves aren’t really people- they are owned objects, like punching bags, or toasters. Oh yea and how about how slaves are just people that need to be forced into the situation, after all, they don’t know their true potential until the Master makes then see it through questionably consensual beatings and sex. But in the end they will be sooo very grateful that you, the Master, showed them their true selves…..

Then at the very bottom, if it exists at all and in much smaller print, there is a very limited section on responsibility and accountability. Because you don’t want to get in the way of the fantasy to much, it will kill the boner.

I don’t mind ( well I do really) all of this out there, what I do mind more then anything is the type of real time people it creates. People that don’t have boundaries are insufferable, they are egomaniacs that we all have had to deal with that are not only dangerous (yes in real time) but also are very socially inappropriate. Having no boundaries creates a sense of entitlement, so basics like not touching others toys, not touching others subs, not intruding into a scene, and being sure not to monopolize the conversation as well as new people do not apply to them.

That is why boundaries are important, to everybody.

Being a Master doesn’t mean that that you are done growing or that you have achieved some pinnacle of enlightenment that allows you to always be right. It also doesn’t mean that your skills can’t be learned or improved upon.

I may not like it when I screw up and my slave calls me on it, but I do know that if she is saying it, I had better listen. For me, being a powerful Master isn’t about limiting what I hear or know, it is about admitting that I have a lot of room to grow, and that sometimes it is really important for me to hear the hard stuff. If I don’t allow this I will never get better, stronger or more skilled.

So I am putting out there a challenge to all Masters:

When was the last time your slave taught you something?

When was the last time you asked them to?

If you are looking for play parties, power munches, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Felitfe.com

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers

Leather Bear Tails: The vacuum of problems

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Leather Bear Tails: A Masters connection to Power

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Leather Bear Tails: The Seeker and the Sought

In all relationships there is a concept called the seeker and the sought. There is one person seeking the attention, affirmation, love, and acceptance of another, and there is another person that is the one that is being sought for those things. Being the seeker on a constant basis is exhausting and if they are not validated in their attempts, or if the emotional energy is not returned to them, they will stop seeking and find other ways to replenish their energy. This may be through an outside hobby like stamp collecting, or it may come in the form of another person entirely. Either way the seekers energy is finite and if continues to not be replenished, it will dissipate and end. Being on the sought end, however, is very invigorating and empowering. Being reminded on a consistent basis that you are a bad ass amazing person and that you are loved, not only gives the ego a healthy stroke, but it also gives a person confidence, and changes how they view themselves and their place in the world. It is very much an emotional high. In healthy relationships the roles of seeker and sought change and switch from person to person periodically. This gives both people the ability to replenish, grow, and become strong.

For example in Master and slave relationships traditionally the slave is the seeker and the Master is the sought. In other words the slave is the seeker of the Masters attention, compliments, and love, while the Master is the one who is sought for those things. But not always. Sometimes, the Master also seeks their slave’s approval, compliments, and acceptance. Masters like being told that they have a lot of skill, that their slaves can’t walk or are tired from sex romps, and that they are the big strong butchie in their slave’s life. I know that I do. It makes me feel good.

Think of it this way, when on the job the employees are the seekers and the boss is the sought. If the seekers please the sought then they get attention, approval, a raise, maybe even a promotion. But it is the sought that chooses when, were, if and how this will happen. Another way of looking at it is through family dynamics. In general children are the seekers and parents are the sought, and in both of these examples, abuse abounds. The boss that will not give back positive affirmation and removes resources but continues to demand more and more from their employees, or the partner that demands respect, obedience, affirmation and love, but will not return those things, are all very common.

In Master and slave relationships just like in work and family dynamics, things can become extremely unbalanced. Being sought in any relationship is an automatic position of great power, and being continuously sought, with the expectation of being sought adds to that feeling of control.

Masters that feel that it is their place to be sought and never to seek will slowly (or not so slowly) suck the slave emotionally and physically dry. In the beginning the slave will be able to keep up with the Masters constant demands for attention and energy. Over time however, if the Master remains emotionally needy and greedy, the slave will not be able to keep up, and so the Master will start doing other things to get their emotional fix. Masters will start fights, publicly verbally humiliate and degrade their slave in a non consensual way, and /or play harder or more extreme then before all to get their own emotional needs met. What this does is create a cycle of the slave going deeper and deeper to be able to supply the Master with the emotional energy. After a fight the slave feels bad, so they will emotionally give more, if the Master goes to publicly humiliating the slave then the slave will either give more to get the Master to stop, or the group will join in and the Master will get their emotional needs fulfilled that way, if the Master plays harder or edgier then before, they will use the emotional rush of that play to fulfill their need.

No matter what the action, it all boils down to the same thing.

The constant need of the Master to get their ego stroked and the emotional needs filled through someone else.

If it continues then over time the slave will become emotionally and physically exhausted. Not because they don’t want the Master to have the energy but because in the constant giving without being replenished, they have nothing left to give to their Master, nothing left for themselves and are in essence operating on a base level. At that point they will either continue to exist in their current circumstance, and normalize it, or they will seek outside the relationship for the replenishment of their energies. If the Master is not able to receive any more emotional energy from their slave they may also start seeking outside of the relationship to get their emotional needs met, and the cycle starts over again.

A lot of times we think of the slave’s ability to give as endless. We also tend to think that if the slave is no longer able to give then they are a failure as a slave, and as a person. But the reality is that some things are finite, and energy is one of them. The constant expecting of someone to give is not only unhealthy for the slave but it also creates an unrealistic expectation from the Master.

For relationships to be healthy and successful everyone in them needs to know that they matter, we all need to feel that we are sometimes the seeker and sometimes the sought.

If you are interested in play parties, power munches, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in an active online community please find:

Fetlife.com

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers