Brickhouse Chronicles: Fat Positive Cheerleader Burnout: What Would Kermit Do?

I’m writing this blog under duress. My Beloved Wife (aka She Who Must Be Obeyed) told me that I needed to write a blog by this Friday because it would be “good for me” and that the writing process would help me stop beating myself up over feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by the running of the Brickhouse Betties group. She stated that writing a fat positive blog would be a wonderful experience in that it would help me become more emotionally centered. I reluctantly and grumpily agreed that she was right, whereupon I then proceeded to procrastinate all week long on the actual writing of the “therapy blog”.

My justification on why I wasn’t starting the blog usually veered around the area of “I don’t have the time for this” or the more self deprecating but emotionally honest reason of “I’m too scared and tired to keep putting myself out there”. So there I was two hours before my deadline and still steadfastly avoiding putting cyber pen to paper and thinking, “what the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I get this done?”, when it hit me……..I didn’t want to focus on myself in an honest and self nurturing way.

Like many people, I’m in the throes of Fatty Cheerleader Burnout.

I define Fatty Cheerleader Burnout as that state of mental, emotional, and sometimes physical exhaustion that can come to someone when they get so caught up in the righteous fight for fat and body positive image awareness, that it becomes all too easy to avoid taking care of themselves. It can become a vicious cycle where the amount of self awareness needed to simply say “I need a break” isn’t there because the person needs a break in order to come to that conclusion. If it sounds familiar to many of you, it’s because it’s happens to everyone. I doesn’t just happen to fat positive cheerleaders, it happens to political activists, teachers, spiritual leaders (organizing pagans is like herding cats), social organizers, caregivers’, parents’ and supportive wives who make their spouses write blogs.

I’m in good company!!

So let’s say that you’ve identified that you are in the throes of Fatty Cheerleader Burnout, the next dilemma for a lot of people is what do you do now? In all honesty, I’m slowly making my way through the healing and renewal process but here are the personal goals that I have for combating FCB…. maybe they can help you too.

1) Give Myself Permission to Feel Whatever Emotions Wash Over Me Without the Guilt- Once I finally admit that I’m going through burnout, letting myself feel emotions such as grief, anger, and resignation is quite difficult for me to do without feeling very guilty. I’ve internalized the idea that these emotions somehow convey that I’m not a good leader because I’m not happy and strong all the time. Giving myself the affirming message that “it’s okay to not be okay”, is certainly a lot harder than it sounds, but I know that I can do it. Right now, I’m finding that saying “I’M NOT OKAY!!” out loud is having a surprisingly cathartic effect.

2) Unconditionally Accept the Reassurance and Loving Positivity that People Give to Me When I Reach Out for Help- Like with many people who experience Fatty Cheerleader Burnout, I tend to feel panic and surprise when people offer words of comfort and encouragement. I know that one of the main reasons for this is that I still feel like I’m whining when I share what I’m really going through. I know that part of the process of loving myself means that I need to accept the fact that other people love me too.

3) Don’t Take the Journey of Others Personally- As the founder of a fat positive group, it has become waaaaay to easy for me to internalize every pitfall that my Betties face as a personal failing on my part. Telling myself things such as “If I was a leader then she wouldn’t continue to engage in fat hating relationships” and so forth, has taken more of a toll on me than I realized and I am having to relearn the importance of letting people make their own mistakes. This is allowing me the emotional space to concentrate on my own.

While this has been a difficult blog to write, in end I’m glad that Beloved made me do, if only for the simple reason of being able to say “thank you” to everyone for all that you make the Brickhouse Betties. And a special thank you to my beautiful wife for all that you make me.

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog

http://selfserved.blogspot.com/2011/07/leather-bear-tails-through-looking.html

Brickhouse Chronicles: Happy Hug A Fat Chick Day!

“Rebellion is in the circle of a lover`s arms”- Martin Espada

Given how the average person is now under a constant barrage of the message that what they look like now is not okay and that being fat means you are DOOMED, I think it would be simply fabulous if we had a holiday called "National Hug a Fat Chick Day". A day where everyone turned off their televisions and computers to take a break from their usual routine of fat-bashing, self-loathing, and carb-counting and stopped to hug every fat, fluffy, chubby, curvaceous, stocky, plump, rubenesque, and squishy woman (or guy) they encountered. Everyone deserves a vacation and fatties, fluffies, and squishies everyone would look forward to this one treasured day where people embraced them for the jiggly treasure boxes that they truly are. For one day we wouldn’t be the last picked, for one day there would be no thin actors parading around in fat suits…for one day we would all shine.

If the idea of physically hugging your local jiggly poof is a wee bit too advanced, maybe everyone can start by embracing their own inner fat chick. In other words just take one day to chill out and enjoy a decadent triple fudge sundae, engage in a physical activity because it makes your inner fat chick smile and your muscles sing not because you are under the illusion you’re your body is ugly and deserves to be in pain. Then proceed to engage in a couple of sinfully decadent rounds of carefree, uninhibited sex without trying to cover up the parts of your body that joyously ripple, jiggle, and bounce. And yes masturbation definitely counts! If you're feeling brave, you can even *gasp* get on top or sit on a face or two!

Hugging someone makes them tangible, it makes them real....it makes them become a person just like you. Many of us are so busy in our lives that we get into the habit of going into a sort of emotional autopilot when it comes to how we not only how we view ourselves, but other people as well. We forget that we are surrounded by friends, loved ones, and co-workers’ who fit the label of “fat” and it becomes all too easy to dehumanize them and their experiences. I'm sometimes stunned at how intensely some individuals genuinely HATE fat men, women, and children. You see it in blogs, Youtube, Twitter, etc. all the time...the implication that fat people are somehow less than human and therefore deserving of the unrelenting cruelly, scorn and social ostracizing that society places upon them. When you consider the fact that more than half the women in the U.S. wear a size 14 or above, the implication that millions of women are viewed as subhuman is quite staggering.

The ability to conform every fiber of your being to what's "acceptable" is becoming an increasingly valued trait in our society starting from the way one dresses all the way down to something as personal and individual as sexuality and body type. It's okay to be a dyke as long as you're a skinny dyke like on the 'L-Word'. Being black, Latina, Chicana, Indian, and Jewish is okay....as long as you don't look too "ethnic" (dark skin, curly hair, dark eyed.) Being skinny is okay...as long as you have big boobs. Being a gay man is acceptable as long as you don't act like a flaming sissy. The list goes on.

In a world where everyone seems to be drowning in a sea of self hatred, wouldn’t it be awesome if everyone took a plunge into the softly cool waters of body acceptance and fat pride? Next step: The Million Fatty March!

Be a revolutionary and hug a fat chick. You gotta start somewhere

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog Home

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