Brickhouse Chronicles: Fat Positive Cheerleader Burnout: What Would Kermit Do?

I’m writing this blog under duress. My Beloved Wife (aka She Who Must Be Obeyed) told me that I needed to write a blog by this Friday because it would be “good for me” and that the writing process would help me stop beating myself up over feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by the running of the Brickhouse Betties group. She stated that writing a fat positive blog would be a wonderful experience in that it would help me become more emotionally centered. I reluctantly and grumpily agreed that she was right, whereupon I then proceeded to procrastinate all week long on the actual writing of the “therapy blog”.

My justification on why I wasn’t starting the blog usually veered around the area of “I don’t have the time for this” or the more self deprecating but emotionally honest reason of “I’m too scared and tired to keep putting myself out there”. So there I was two hours before my deadline and still steadfastly avoiding putting cyber pen to paper and thinking, “what the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I get this done?”, when it hit me……..I didn’t want to focus on myself in an honest and self nurturing way.

Like many people, I’m in the throes of Fatty Cheerleader Burnout.

I define Fatty Cheerleader Burnout as that state of mental, emotional, and sometimes physical exhaustion that can come to someone when they get so caught up in the righteous fight for fat and body positive image awareness, that it becomes all too easy to avoid taking care of themselves. It can become a vicious cycle where the amount of self awareness needed to simply say “I need a break” isn’t there because the person needs a break in order to come to that conclusion. If it sounds familiar to many of you, it’s because it’s happens to everyone. I doesn’t just happen to fat positive cheerleaders, it happens to political activists, teachers, spiritual leaders (organizing pagans is like herding cats), social organizers, caregivers’, parents’ and supportive wives who make their spouses write blogs.

I’m in good company!!

So let’s say that you’ve identified that you are in the throes of Fatty Cheerleader Burnout, the next dilemma for a lot of people is what do you do now? In all honesty, I’m slowly making my way through the healing and renewal process but here are the personal goals that I have for combating FCB…. maybe they can help you too.

1) Give Myself Permission to Feel Whatever Emotions Wash Over Me Without the Guilt- Once I finally admit that I’m going through burnout, letting myself feel emotions such as grief, anger, and resignation is quite difficult for me to do without feeling very guilty. I’ve internalized the idea that these emotions somehow convey that I’m not a good leader because I’m not happy and strong all the time. Giving myself the affirming message that “it’s okay to not be okay”, is certainly a lot harder than it sounds, but I know that I can do it. Right now, I’m finding that saying “I’M NOT OKAY!!” out loud is having a surprisingly cathartic effect.

2) Unconditionally Accept the Reassurance and Loving Positivity that People Give to Me When I Reach Out for Help- Like with many people who experience Fatty Cheerleader Burnout, I tend to feel panic and surprise when people offer words of comfort and encouragement. I know that one of the main reasons for this is that I still feel like I’m whining when I share what I’m really going through. I know that part of the process of loving myself means that I need to accept the fact that other people love me too.

3) Don’t Take the Journey of Others Personally- As the founder of a fat positive group, it has become waaaaay to easy for me to internalize every pitfall that my Betties face as a personal failing on my part. Telling myself things such as “If I was a leader then she wouldn’t continue to engage in fat hating relationships” and so forth, has taken more of a toll on me than I realized and I am having to relearn the importance of letting people make their own mistakes. This is allowing me the emotional space to concentrate on my own.

While this has been a difficult blog to write, in end I’m glad that Beloved made me do, if only for the simple reason of being able to say “thank you” to everyone for all that you make the Brickhouse Betties. And a special thank you to my beautiful wife for all that you make me.

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog

http://selfserved.blogspot.com/2011/07/leather-bear-tails-through-looking.html

Brickhouse Chronicles: Fandom Fatties Unite! Redefining the Concept of Escapism Within Speculative Fiction

I’m a fangrrl and proud of it….most of the time. Lately, the values that I have developed and learned to cherish on my journey to being flabulously fat positive have begun to clash with the values that I find prevalent within the world of speculative fiction. The more confident I become in the beauty of my fat body the less patience I have for the lack of imagination (and in the worst case scenarios, outright fat hatred) in how writer’s of speculative fiction still base their characterization.

- Slim Young White Woman-Strongly Heterosexual and Sexually Available Heroine (Elf, Human)

-Sexually Confident Slim Young White Woman With Big Breasts-Seductress/Bitch Queen (Human or Half Elven)

-Sexually Experienced White Woman Over 25-Mom (Human)

-Fat Woman-Unattractive comedy relief (Dwarf, human)

-Beautiful Fat Woman- Nonexistent

-Fat Man- Comedy relief. Usually asexual or unaware of how unattractive he is to others. (Dwarf)

-Noble Person of Color- Asexual, always emotionally supportive, comedy relief, and Dead by the second chapter (Human or Alien. Special note- People of color aren’t magical)

-Queer Character-*See Noble Person of Color (Elf)

-Black Woman-Asexual, sassy or wise, non-magical portal to magic. (Oprah)

The list goes on. So where is my escapism damnit! I believe the point of well written escapist literature should take us away from the harsh realities of everyday life and still be able to plant the small subversive seed that things should really be this way, i.e. Star Trek at its best (Yeah I’m old school). I know that I am not alone in feeling like reading speculative fiction with its emphasis on the message that magic and power only belongs to those who are thin, heterosexual, tall, and white feels more like an eroticization of Aryan Power ideals, fat hatred, and violence based male dominance. This is not an escape for me, but a drilling home of the message that I’m inundated with on a daily basis.

To me great escapism from the harsh realities of today’s world would mean that people who have characteristics like being fat, disabled, short (and not a hobbit or dwarf!), queer, transgendered, and of color are championed as the holders of magic, beauty, sensuality, and adventure. I want to read about a world where all of the beautiful and unique bodied creatures that I see walking around everyday finally realize that the magic was always within them. I want fantasy worlds created where the female object of desire is fat and considered a floating paradise of unbridled sensuality. Or how about a world where the hero is gender queer female or an effeminate male who goes on an amazing adventure. Or how about a duo female characters who (Gasp!) go on an adventures with that aren’t based in their need for romance and they have casually disposable flings that don’t get in the way their misadventures (think Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser). I’m excited just thinking about it!

This is where the writers’ of fan fiction come in! Fanfic authors aren’t weighed down by publishers’ who give such obtuse and unrealistic suggestions like “the hero would be more “relatable” to the reader if his love interest was female” or “female readers really love lots of romance in their fantasy adventures!”. The realm of Fan fiction and self published speculative fiction has more ability to create truly imaginative and breathtaking flights of fancy that flout convention because the only limit is the imagination of the authors. It is with this fangrrl faith that I propose a new movement of fabulous fatty Fanfic! I mean come on wouldn’t it be great!?

Who knows, maybe if the Fatty Fanfic movement catches on, publishers’ will actually take notice of the fact that there is a whole new world of speculative fiction possibilities just waiting for mass marketing. And more importantly, somewhere on the internet a beautiful fat woman’s online avatar will be a picture of herself.

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog Home

http://www.blogger.com/profile/10359506735811402423

Brickhouse Chronicles: The Battle Is Never Over....

I want to thank everyone for making last night’s Fatty Invasion at Luigi’s so much fun! The food was wonderful and the company was highly enjoyable! It always makes me so happy to hear people learning to relax, have a good time, and let of the guilt that many of us carry when we eat. Which is why I am so angry about an aspect of last night’s Invasion.

The Brickhouse Betties mission is to enable people to love their bodies unconditionally and provide a sanctuary from the fat and body hatred that has become an epidemic within our society. Having the “no diet discussion” rule is golden at the Betties’ discussion group because it challenges everyone to love themselves in a way that they haven’t before. It helps people drop that feeling that they’re always fighting an uphill battle in having a body that is considered “beautiful” by mainstream society and helps them realize that the body they have right now is beautiful. The no “diet talk” rule also helps prevent people from being triggered back into their eating disorders.

So, it should come as no surprise that my tolerance of diet discussion at a place where people are learning to love their body and what they put in it during a meal is less than zero. I am absolutely LIVID that dieting was being discussed last night over dinner. If the concept of not drowning in guilt while you’re eating is too advanced and scary for you, then please DO NOT COME TO THE INVASION. By talking about what diets’ you’re on now, in the past, or plan or being on in the future, you are taking away from the joy of the experience not only from yourself but from the people around you. WE ARE NOT A WEIGHT LOSS SUPPORT GROUP. The Bettie’s Invasion is meant to give people a break from the messages’ that are rammed down their throats on a daily basis about their self worth and nothing breaks down that trust in the sanctuary that our group provides faster than a discussion about dieting and food policing.

This applies to members’ of the Betties ‘ no matter how long you have been with us. The “No Diet Discussion” rule doubly applies to the Betties outings and if I come across discussion about dieting or am made aware of it by a member, the participating members will be asked to leave the meeting area IMMEDIATELY. End of discussion.

The people of this group and me have worked too hard on our journey of self love to turn back now and within the safety of our group these accomplishments are to be celebrated and cherished without question.

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog Home

http://www.blogger.com/profile/10359506735811402423