Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Notes from a Rookie Kinkster: Toe in the Water at the Evo Revo

This is first in the series of "Notes from a Rookie Kinkster". Self Serve asked a few people who are new to BDSM activity to write about their impressions and experiences.

My girlfriend, E, informed me that one of the nights of the Evolution of the Revolution (Evo Revo) conference would involve a play party.

“Like, boardgames and stuff?” I replied.

Because I fucking love Cranium. Or Scrabble, maybe a bit of Taboo. I enjoy a couple rounds of Apples to Apples as much as the next person.

Further investigation into the topic revealed this was not the case.

Evo Revo was me and E’s first kink convention. We are newcomers to the kink community and we are quite aware that we’re still pretty Vanilla in our sexual practices. We consider ourselves ‘averagely’ kinky, because we believe that everyone is kinky to some extent. Everyone indulges in either anal sex, a bit of wrist-holding dominance play, or maybe has a flannel shirt hung up near the door so that they can imagine that their lover is actually MacGyver.

We wanted to give our impressions of our first forays into the kink community, especially at such a big event.

The convention itself was informative and interesting, so even to a group of fresh novices like us, we could still sit in chairs, drink some convention coffee, and be indistinguishable in the crowd from anyone else, because even the kinkiest kinkster can’t go around wearing a leather codpiece all the time. Also, the kinksters that E and I have had the pleasure of running into have turned out to be very nice, courteous people. They were all very welcoming, expressing nothing but goodwill for our fresh ventures into kink that same way Bridge playing enthusiasts welcome fresh faces.

The play party itself was a point of nervousness for us. We had a rough idea that people would be in a room, engaged in whipping, flogging, tying up, and fondling each other. We agreed beforehand that we would not be ‘playing’ ourselves and that we would be there purely to observe the carnal acts around us. Carnality that was being regulated due to the public nature of the venue and there would be no intercourse of any kind. We suspected that made things easier on us.

The first time we stepped inside, we were both surprised by how much kinkier it was, but also but how friendly and approachable things seemed. For example, while we were fully expecting leather clad people to be playing around us, we were not expecting the kink ‘furniture,’ such as poles with attachments for ropes, upright crosses for similar restraint play, and other pieces meant for horizontal bondage. Contrasting this was the tastefully decorated ‘dungeon,’ with its very pragmatic and comfortable lighting, benign beige carpets, and big wide windows – framing a dotted cityscape.

Around us were emotionally intense play sessions with exclamations of pleasure and pain, the cracks of whips and impacts of flogs, and interestingly, a bit of club music, with a low rhythmic bass. E and I had breaks of ironic dance parties when a recognizable club mix came on. Our shy, but curious glances at the various equipment were rewarded with encouragement, hands-on evaluations of said equipment, and brief how-to demos. Also, after scenes were finished, doms and subs would be seen in tender embraces, exchanging whispered words, and gender caresses like shy high school sweethearts from the 50s television.

All in all, we found the play party to be less alienating than the usual parties we attended, where large numbers of people are brought together and expected to drink until lack of common interests faded away. There was something absolutely honest and the evening, where a bunch of people could get together and just be themselves – including the parts that may be looked upon strangely by the larger population. These are people that are very careful about communication and consent, and in such an environment, you can’t help but feel welcome and safe. It was that feeling that stayed with us when we left.

Obviously, we were also quite turned on by what was going on. If you’re not into kink, then your mileage may vary. But we have a policy of trying anything once, if not several hundred times. E told me she felt like a kid in a candy shop, and she just wanted to do everything, a prospect I find, dare I say, titillating.

We hope that during the next play party that we’ll actually get to play, but we’ll see how comfortable we feel with that prospect when that time rolls around. And that’s the thing, no matter your kink curve, you’ll be welcome there, and if you just want to stay in a corner and watch for now, or if you can’t muster up the courage to even enter the dungeon, you can just sit at a table outside near the snacks and drinks. People will say hi, ask how you’re doing, even if they’re wearing a leather man thong or a corset (or both).

And hey, who knows, I might be there and we can play some Cranium.

First Kinky Event Survival Guide

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