Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Southwest is Saucy with Sex Advice

Local Educator and Writer Julian Wolf provides sex advice in a great local column on Saucy Southwest.  If you're not familiar with the site, definitely check it out for on-demand feminist porn, sex tips, resources, links and more.

Julian recently had two questions that are sadly super common at Self Serve and all over.  In her last column readers asked about getting off with a partner and if one's labia looks 'normal.'

Of course the first question was complex, and Julian gave a helpful answer.  It's challenging that sexuality isn't simple, so of course the answer wasn't simple.  Why isn't this woman able to get off easily with her partner?  It could be due to lots of reasons.  I would add to Julian's advice that her conundrum may have to do with fear or shame of some kind.  She mentions having no problem physically getting off by herself, which is a great sign.  Another possibility is that she gets stuck in her head and detached from her erotic self when in the presence of a sex partner.  Many women experience their own variety of performance anxiety.  In a frustrating cycle, once she thinks she can't get off, she gets more stressed and the experience can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.   If we're stuck in our heads obsessing over reaching orgasm or relaxing, we aren't really present or relaxed.

As Julian said, it could be many factors, and neither of us can know for sure via an advice column.  I am grateful for resources like Self Serve, where women like her can talk it out with our Sexuality Educators, and many books or sensual tools we offer.  A great book for women dealing with these sorts of challenges is Becoming Orgasmic.  Local folks can rent the accompanying DVD, as well.

I'm proud and pleased that Julian shared a recent Self Serve video with the next inquirer.  There is a scary trend afoot where women are getting unnecessary labiaplasty cosmetic surgery to alter completely normal labia shape or size.  I'm confident AW who wrote this question has the most beautiful, healthy labia in the world.  As I say in our video, labia are like butterflies or snowflakes.  They are all unique and beautiful just the way they are.

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