Friday, August 26, 2011

Leather Bear Tails: Refusal to Serve

I find it very interesting when people that are slave identified refuse to serve because the service requested means that the attention isn’t on them. I am not talking about abusive situations or being asked to do things that are way out of the ordinary. I am talking about when slaves are asked to sexually serve or top their Masters, and not only refuse, but try to make the Masters or Dominant’s feel humiliated for even asking.

My slave had read an article that she shared with me a few years ago. The Dominant had done an elaborate scene, and then had sex with the bottom. The bottom did not reciprocate. So the next time a scene was planned the Dominant asked to be too serviced sexually. The bottom refused to ever play with the Dominant again. The thought being that it is the Dominant that should be doing all of the sexual work, and when asked to reciprocate the submissive was offended because that would mean that the attention would not be on them.

Oddly enough, part of me really felt that this was an isolated incident, and that time and knowledge and evolution had changed these thoughts and made people understand the complexities of sexuality more. Boy was I wrong.

Recently I had heard of a slave that was asked by their Master to top them. The slave refused, not only refused, but proudly refused, and throwing the toys to the ground, proceeded to humiliate the Master for even asking.

Is anybody else confused here?

If the slave had been asked to do the vacuuming and threw the vacuum down and humiliated the Master for asking would it have been viewed in the same way? Isn’t a request for service, a request for service?

I ‘m confused.

As a Master you better believe I receive sexually and she is good at it to. Not just normal people good, my slave is amazingly sexually talented. I can’t imagine putting my own sexual needs on the shelf because the slave that I was with believed that Masters should only receive sexual pleasure through the giving and domination of the slave, and not the receiving of a sexual act.

I also occasionally get topped by my slave. It isn’t often, it will never be in public and now even after all of these years, I still have mixed feelings about asking her to do it. Don’t get me wrong, she is a very capable top, and really enjoys servicing me in that way. But for me being topped is taking me into a very vulnerable space. I feel raw and am able to be hurt very very easily. In fact it takes a lot for me to ask, and state what I want in the first place. I have to get over what that means about me as a Master to be able to ask for her service. Luckily she is always receptive and reassuring to me asking and we do have a lot of fun.

But that place of vulnerability is very difficult. I can only imagine what it was like for those Dominant’s and Masters to finally get up the courage to ask for what they wanted. For them to be in a position to be hurt and rejected, only to have their slave and bottoms humiliate them at their most vulnerable. That isn’t something that a person gets over quickly.

I am appalled and disheartened that someone that calls themselves a slave would refuse sexual or play service. Masters and Dominants need love to. They need attention, sexual fulfillment and yes at times a little slap and tickle. We are not two dimensional people that can go without for the sake of our titles. We are three dimensional people that have our own needs to. And slaves that are serious about their service understand that a Master asking for these things is asking for a very deep and personal thing. This isn’t just about sex or play; it is about viewing the Master or Dominant in a complete way.

As a person and not a title.

If you are looking for power munches, play parties, or hands on workshops in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

If you are looking for an active online community find:

Group name:

New Mexico Fetlifers

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