Brickhouse Betties Hands on Workshop:Tantra for Big Bodies

Greetings Everyone!!

Come join us this month as we focus on tantric breathing and techniques that are geared towards big bodies. In an environment where you can feel free to ask questions, our presenter Stan Alexander will be going over how to position yourself comfortably, the advantages of learning to be in your body, and most of all the art of breathing with a partner, in a class enviorment that is filled with other wonderful people of size.

Bring at least 2-3 pillows and comfortable clothes for comfort and if the mood suits you, tasty snacks to munch on after the workshop!

Presenter Bio:

Stan Alexander has had an interest in altered states of consciousness, and erotic expression for many years. As a result, he has spent much of his life studying how the human erotic experience can be brought to a higher level. As a workshop presenter, Stan has conducted numerous classes on Tantra, Erotic Hypnosis, and Kink. Stan holds a Master of Education in Counseling, as well as being certified as a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and Life Coach. For more information please go to www.stanalexander.com

When: Wednesday, November 2^nd at 7:30 pm
Where: Self Serve Sexual Resource Center
3904 Central Ave SE # B
Albuquerque, NM 87108-1057
(505) 265-5815

Cost: Free!!
Attire: Comfortable

The Curvy Carnival is This Saturday!!!

The Brickhouse Betties is proud to announce our third annual Curvy Carnival where this year’s them is:

“Curves in Space! Going Where No Curves Have Gone Before!”

Everyone who is fat positive and body positive is welcome so come in your best Sci-fi gear and come join us for all of the fat positive and curve embracing fun!

This year’s Cabaret of Curves’ will be hosted by MC Tony Carson and feature:

Bellydancing by Maria Chavez

Live Blues by Sin Limite

Stacia Chanel DeVue

Juggling by Peter Gregg

The Curvy Carnival just wouldn’t be the same without our fabulous vendors, games, and booths featuring:

Self Serve

Custom fantasy and body positive artwork by the Unseen Gallery

Handmade leather and fetish gear by Tease

Curvy Girl Photo shoots

Flirting Board

Games

Music

Free Door Prizes

Our Annual Costume Contest!

Come in your best Sci-Fi attire to win prizes for:

Best UFH (Unidentified Fat Hottie!)- Male and Female –*Trans and Drag Inclusive*

Best UFHA (Unidentified Fat Hottie Ally) - *Trans and Drag Inclusive*

When the Festivities Begin: Saturday October 22^nd from 5:30pm to 8:30 pm

Where the Festivities Are: Exhale Bar and Grille 6132 4th Street Northwest

How much to get in: $5.00

Why the Festivities: Because Curves’ Are Out of This World!

We can’t wait to see you there!!!

Black is Still the New Black and Fat is still Fat...

Addressing the Top 2 Myths about Body Issues Within the 21st Century African American Community

I have never been shy about expressing my hatred for the saying ”_____is the new black” by people trying to get attention to their activist cause. A good example can be found the phrase, "Gay is the new Black!". It’s patronizing in the assumption that blacks have “arrived” and there’s no more struggle or oppression left to talk about or deal with. It’s because of similar reasons that I have officially hit my saturation point with hearing about how “things are so much better for fat women within the African American community because they have an appreciation for bigger bodies”. Feh. This blanket statement is usually followed by testimonials from happy caucasian women about how they have found the promised land among blacks in finally achieving the sensual and sexual validation that they were looking for. BBW Bashes seem to be a veritable cornucopia of handsome men of color seeking out luscious bodied partners’ which for many of these ladies seems to verify everything that they have heard when it comes to how advanced the African American community is in issues of body acceptance.

The reality of body image within the African American community is a lot more complex than most of the general public is aware of or in most cases is even comfortable addressing. So for your viewing pleasure my fatty loving chickies, I’m addressing two of the top myths and issues concerning BBW Love within the community.

1. BBW Bash Fever! - This is a common one that I run into. I hear a number of women come with glowing bash reports about how they are treated like queens by black men and how an increasing number of white men feel the need to constantly vie for the affections of these lovely ladies. The feeling that you are wanted and desired by many is something that many beautiful fatties are still lacking. The well meaning assumption by these ladies is that this cathartic and joyful experience is shared by all the women present. It’s not.

What many of these lovely ladies fail to realize is that the common factor for all of these beautiful stories is that all of the women involved are caucasian or fair skinned Latina. For many dark-skinned African American women there are no battle royales at the bashes for their favors’. Quite conversely, having so many women of other races talk about how they are being fought over while they themselves are left on the sidelines can frequently increase feelings of alienation and the sense that they aren’t desirable. In other words, a mahogany princess comes to feel like white knights and black knights only rescue white damsels.

2. The African American Community LOVES its Fat Women! - Erm...no. - As the middle class values of mainstream America have infiltrated into a wider segment of the African American population, the days where curves’ where widely and openly embraced are quickly going the way of the dodo. Self hatred is a multi-billion dollar industry and once companies realized that there was “gold in them thar black hills”, the pressure to fit into the beauty ideal of thin, white, and straight haired was increased exponentially. Let’s look at the evolution of the Mammy figure for what it really is shall we. In a number of Yoruba and Igbo cultures that were bought over and enslaved, the previous beauty standard did include dark skinned women who were considered beautiful because they were fat, wide hipped, and shiny faced. Many of my generation and older can definitely remember the beautification ritual of being “polished”with Vaseline or lotion by our parents' until our skin glowed and shone like a jewel. Once bought over to the Americas' as slaves however, this beauty preference came under severe ridicule and what was once a signifier of beauty became an object of derision. The goddess of beauty was transformed by the slave owning culture into a safe asexual clown figure. Not surprisingly, the features possessed by the Mammy (dark skin, wide hips, large breasts, and big lips) came to be viewed with embarrassment within the African American community.

Sadly, not much has changed and embarrassment that many African Americans feel when they see a fat and dark skinned woman on television is still being felt. You’ll hear comments that center around the need for more positive (read thinner and lighter) representations of black women in the media. People aren’t angry at Gabrielle Sidibe for starring in a film centering around the stereotypical tragic black woman, they’re angry at her for representing a segment of their female population that they still feel great shame about. In other words, it’s not the roles she’s playing; it’s the rolls on her body that makes a sadly large number of African Americans ashamed. Yemaya for many isn’t a goddess to be revered with all of her wide hipped and dark skinned matronly sex appeal; she’s to be kept quietly in the closet.

As seen in my previous post, I am finding all of the negative attention being put on black women’s audacity to take up space while none is being put on finding paths to emotional health and happiness to be a distressing and heartbreaking issue. Deifying my community as a safe space for fatties not only ignores the complex realities of what it’s like to be black and fat, but it also feels like a shiny happy face is being put on our pain. Still, I would love to see the day when these myths become realities….

Brickhouse Chronicles: Sensualize Me-A Guide for Fluffy People Who Are Tired of Looking For Their Pedestal

“Don’t Knock Big Belly Girls…Good Pussy Needs Proper Shelter.”

-Dancehall artist Pamputtae

My wife loves the skin I’m in….literally. She dreams of the day when I’m locked outside of the house on a summer day and come in three decadent shades darker. On sunny days you will usually find her nudging me outdoors with visions of fat African queens dancing through her head. Two of her favorite teak colored parts on me are my tummy and breasts because they’re the softest part of me and her hands happily gravitate towards them on a regular basis. Hello my name is Eve and I’m a sensually objectified object……and I love it! Now don’t get me wrong, my butchie loves me as a complete and complex person, but it sure feels good to be objectified every now and then. In a world where fat hatred is condoned and championed as acceptable behavior, having someone openly declare that they find me beautiful BECAUSE of not IN SPITE of my fat body (and dark skin) comes across as an act of subversive, sensual, and sexual bravery . I find that a number of proud fluffs and fatties share the same prurient glee in being sensualized because it’s fun, emotionally challenging at times, and extremely erotic.

When it comes to appreciating physical features about a person that mainstream society tends to overlook at best, fetishizing and sensualizing are two completely different emotional entities separated by one main factor……emotional investment. As a proud member of the leather community, I can definitely appreciate the merits of fetishes. We all have them. However, within the fat community, being fetishized can definitely be a mixed blessing especially when a number of the fetishizers’ themselves are still in the closet about being fat admirers’. A lot of my MTF trans girlfriends’ and I used to laugh about how fat chicks and transgirls’ were everybody’s favorite “afterhours and behind closed doors treat”. Laughter to hide the pain bonds like nothing else. I’m not saying that I’m not aware of the level of scorn that society holds for those who desire partners’ with beautifully big bodies and how hard it can be to stand up to the judgment of your peers, but it’s hard enough for most fluffs and fatties to deal with their own internalized fat phobia much less that of a partner’s as well. Enter the art of sensualizing. Being sensualized by someone means that you are the object of admiration by someone who is out and proud about their preferences for your juicy goods no matter what society has to say about them. Being sensualized means that something about you inspires poetry in the eyes, lips, heart, and libido of your beholder because to them you are that poem. Being the object of sensualization means that you are put upon an erotic pedestal by someone who understands that desire is a sacred and unique thing for each individual and not dictated by what society says they should be turned on by. Being sensualized is awesome!

So okay, now you’re all hot and bothered and excited about the idea of having someone (or many people) sensualize your brains out, but where do you start? Well the first and most important person to sensualize you has to be you. I know that you’ve probably heard this a million times, the adage that “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself”, but it’s doubly true for finding the person/people that you want to love or fuck (I am a Scorpio…lol) you in the way that you know you’ve always desired and deserved. So whether you want to be fetishized and/or sensualized, here’s a couple of fun self-sensualization activities to get you started:

1) Sensualization Self Image Scavenger Hunt: This exercise can be applied to whatever features that you want to be desired for but were afraid to ask. Look for images of people with the same features as you that are depicted in a beautiful and/or erotic light and create a collage with them. This activity starts you on the journey of learning to look inward for a sense of beauty without belittling the beauty of others.

Be warned, depending on the feature that you’re looking to glorify, you might have to do some creative searching to find images that are beautiful and positive but it’s worth it in the end. When I worked on my first collection (do as many as you need honey!) , I wanted to focus on glamorous images of curvaceous dark skinned women with sub-Saharan African features. It took me weeks to get a decent collection, because it just wasn’t done in mass media.

2) Self-Sensualization Photo Shoot: Now that you have a collection of images that inspire you to love you, take your newly found muse and do a photo shoot. If money is a concern, find a trusting friend to loan you a digital camera and learn to take your own pictures, or better yet have the friend take them for you. Play music in the background that makes you feel beautiful and set up a sensual snack bowl to pamper yourself during and after the shoot.

3) Dress the way you want to see yourself: This was the best self-empowerment advice that I ever got from an online femme idol of mine and it still holds true. Instead of dressing up your online avatar, dress yourself up and find a reason to go out and feel beautiful. I wanted to be seen as a princess so I saved up my queer pennies and bought a flowy dress. I’m pretty geeky and shy so the only places I felt comfortable going to were the library and aromatherapy store, but I felt great!!!

Desirability, and sensuality are viewed by many as unattainable because they fall into the easy and sadly inevitable trap of listening to what the ever fickle media, fashion, and society tells them is beautiful. Learning to sensualize yourself helps you realize that you are a creature of beauty fetish or not.

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog Home

http://www.blogger.com/profile/10359506735811402423