The French Make Awesome Safer Sex Commercials

When the government and NGOs do talk about safer sex, hilarious and awesome things come of it.

Check out another hilarious one on youtube where a parent seems just a wee bit frustrated. Apparently this commercial won best in Europe.

Censorship Week: Read these Banned Books!

Banned Books Week took place earlier this month, but it's never too late to pick up these books and exercise your right to read them.

The group offers the coolest map of challenges to books all over the US from 2007-2010. It's scary stuff, but this map highlights how important it is we pay attention to attempts at censorship in the land of the free.

It was pretty awesome that the BBC celebrated this year by broadcasting banned books being read. You can hear DH Lawrence for another week or so online.

Shhh! Self Serve's Website is "Getting Work Done"

Here's a sneak peek!

Self Serve has been secretly working on website design! We are improving navigation and putting a whole new, fresh, pretty face on our website.

Our new website will feature streamlined sex information, easier shopping menus and a new sale of the week section! Stay tuned for a new look soon.

Feel free to hang out on our current website now and spend some time together before the transition.

Censorship Week: The Gray Area

Is there a gray area when it comes to free speech, or is it absolute? When is hate speech okay to moderate and when is it simply intolerance to censor? When is information not necessarily meant to be free for all, and when do people have a right to know?

I don't claim expertise for anyone's ethical position. But it seems there are often gray areas.

There certainly are instances when the first amendment does not apply. A journalist can surely write an article using fake names to protect plaintiffs' identities in a sensitive court case. I'm pretty sure it's been done before. Putting women's safety at risk is not necessary.

Was NPR in the right to fire Juan Williams? They claim his dual role at NPR and at Fox were finally incompatible. Not so fair and balanced in reporting, perhaps, but clearly that's not a norm at every news source.

I like the first amendment, but like for most things in life, moderation is key.

Matie's speech at Ignite NM 9: How Your Local Indie Porn Fest is Saving the World

Matie was amazing tonight at Ignite NM 9!

Here is her talk from Ignite 9!



Check out Ignite NM on Youtube.

If you like free speech or porn or both, check out pornotopiafilmfestival.com and go to our kick ass show November 6th.

Pornotopia Film Festival News Update

Thank you Marisa DeMarco at the Alibi for a sane, clear account of our Pornotopia censorship struggle. We hope our festival is only screwed in a good way soon.

There was more news coverage at UNM's Daily Lobo and Channel 27's indie TV station, too.

Porn Makes Headlines, Healthy Sexuality? Not so much.

A woman's life can be changed forever when she learns to love her body. Gaining strength and confidence in her power and beauty can make her whole. Her self love will potentially influence her romantic relationships, her family life, her career and more all for the better.

But this sort of personal transformation is of little interest to the mainstream media and is not considered big news. A couple's intimate reunion after an affair is not making headlines. A newly out transgender person's confidence and self love is not typically getting the attention of the TV reporter. A woman's first orgasm at 47 is apparently inappropriate for evening broadcast.

But the controversy of potential porn in your local movie theater is the scary and racy enough headline that gets our city's attention.

When we recently blogged on our beloved, local Duke City Fix about Pornotopia Film Festival 2010 being censored and on hold, we were greeted with rich, enthusiastic dialogue about porn, sexuality and censorship. It's exactly the kind of healthy community discussion which we relish.

One commenter on the thread made me think. He posed, "The censorship bloody shirt gets waved around fairly regularly by the Self Serve bunch. Sometimes you wonder if it is not central to their marketing..."

It truly made me think about what we do that matters most at Self Serve. Yes, the 1st amendment and free speech are gravely important to me. But do I want to spend all my time fighting for it? Personally, I don't.

When the local news stopped by to interview me about Pornotopia the other day, I had to briefly step away from a customer. A woman holding a sleeping toddler had brought in her friend to Self Serve for the first time. The friend was looking for a sex toy she could use with her husband. She was soft-spoken and a bit shy. I assured her the news and camera would not film or record her at all, and assured her of the safe space we provide. I answered questions about using a toy with her husband. She smiled and relaxed a bit as we talked. After our conversation, she seemed a lot more at ease being near all the toys and asking me, a stranger, about sex tips.

Giving people that reassurance and peace of mind about sex and relationships makes me proud. So many of us have pent-up, shame-filled questions and concerns about our bodies, our sex lives and our intimate relationships. It's challenging to even talk about it in public or admit that we don't know everything. These deeply intimate and utterly human questions deserve space for discussion and healing. That is what Self Serve provides.

Porn may be part of that pleasure and healing for some. So what? Big deal. As Alan Isaacman states in the film The People vs. Larry Flynt:

I like that I live in a country where I can pick up Hustler magazine, read it if I want or throw it in the trash if that's where I think it belongs. Or I can not buy it. I like that right. I care about it. And you should care about it too, because we live in a free country.

We say that a lot, but sometimes we forget what that means, so listen again. We live in a free country. That is a powerful idea. That's a magnificent way to live. But there is a price for that freedom, which is that sometimes we have to tolerate things that we don't necessarily like.

Consenting adults should have the right to watch some porn if they want. And yes, even at a public movie theater if they so choose.

When the media rallies around Pornotopia Film Festival to get the scoop, what are they really focused on? Are they worried about infringements on the first amendment? Are they concerned groundbreaking erotic films will get censored? Or are they excited at any hot topic with the word porn in it?

It's easier to go around talking about the first amendment and free speech, political and broad issues, than to have an honest discussion about what turns us on and what is missing in our sex lives. Sure, I'd love it if the news came and interviewed us about real people's lives changing after visiting Self Serve. But no station is knocking down our door with concerns about female libido during menopause.

We're not trying to get censored at every turn, Muskrat Sam. But when real sex in film, a woman's vulva or a group of feminists loving porn is too dangerous to be allowed publicly online or in theaters, we are going to respond as loudly as possible.

If someone's life does change in a profound way because they heard about Self Serve via Pornotopia or news about Pornotopia, then I'm proud that our role as porn freedom fighters is doing some good.

Finally, Sex and Marriage Advice for Republicans

A new site finally offers Q & A videos about sex and relationships for Republicans.

So far my favorite videos are about "taking a pill to solve one's problems" and "the third kind of sex." I truly enjoy Chip's use of the word "property" and his analogy, "the human penis is nothing other than the telephone through which god speaks." Well, obviously.

Enjoy and share widely.

*Really obvious disclaimer: If you are sad that you didn't get actual sex advice, try here or here.*

Censorship Week: Glee kinda talks about censorship

I'm not the only one that appreciates how Glee has brought a whole lot of good to TV (when we're not discussing over-sexualized pictures of teen characters). As a former drama and choir dork, it gives me great pride that this show is popular. They do a great job of telling their story within the story.

Last night the club was rehearsing for Rocky Horror, one of my favorites. And in the episode Sue and the principal clearly ask if doing this show is appropriate for high school students. In brief moments important issues are raised: guys being embarrassed about their bodies, what kind of sexual innuendo and subjects are appropriate in high school, can a girl re-work a transvestite-boy role, and how Uncle Jesse loves to be in musicals. Okay, just kidding about that last part.

I have to love a musical for outcasts. But I appreciate Glee's treatment of self-moderation. Will and the students discuss the value of the musical for themselves, while acknowledging the challenge of sharing that widely in the community of high school kids and parents.

Censorship Week: Abstinence Only Education = Censorship

The government can't protect teens from the truth and from sex. Our culture will still be hyper-sexualized no matter what the laws around sex ed.

An interesting take on abstinence-only sex education makes the important connection between abstinence-only and censorship. Censoring scientific facts and research on sexuality, contraception or pregnancy serves no one.

Censorship Week: When it's up to Facebook, who gets a voice?

Yesterday, Facebook decided to shut down yet another progressive group's page. A page promoting a gay kiss in for the Pope's visit to Spain was removed. Sorry, Pope.

After some brief meta-research, I have created a list of groups Facebook censors. Don't be surprised if your pages and causes are removed with no warning. Especially if you are:

• Palestinian
• supportive of freeing a peace negotiator
  
• pro-porn feminists
• anti-muslim bloggers
  
• anti-homophobia artists
  
• anti-labiaplasty and pro-vulva
• saying Facebook sucks
• union activists
• BP boycott supporters
• artists representing the nude body
  
• mentioning Facebook competitors Myspace or Friendster
  

And that list is just from a few searches.

Should we feel better if Facebook seems to use equal-opportunity censorship across the board? Of course I enjoy the irony of joining the National Coalition to Fight Censorship on Facebook. And don't forget to check out Self Serve on Facebook, too!

Censorship Week: Has it changed much since the days of Hays?

When you look at the beginning of movie ratings with the Hays Code, it's sad to say we may not have come so far in 80 years!

My favorite parts of the Hays Code:

• Nakedness and suggestive dances were prohibited.

Come on! Suggestive dances are the best! We've made great progress here as displayed on that raunchy MTV channel the kids are watching nowadays.

• The depiction of illegal drug use was forbidden, as well as the use of liquor, when not required by the plot or for proper characterization.

I am reassured by the part where liquor and illegal drugs are allowed when in fact required by the plot...

• References to alleged sex perversion (such as homosexuality) and venereal disease were forbidden, as were depictions of childbirth.

Isn't it amazing when homo sex perversion and childbirth are grouped together? Almost too many issues to unpack 'em all. So I guess queer characters in drag giving birth is out of the question?

Tempted to go watch banned films and see what gets government panties in a bunch? Here are some places to look for your next movie night:

Wielding the Red Pen: Films
Alternative Reel: Top 10 Banned Films of the 20th Century

I'm a feminist and I relate to Larry Flynt

Today the Pornotopia Film Festival volunteers and community friends had a great time celebrating free speech with The People vs. Larry Flynt at our local indie movie theater, the Guild.

It's hard to align oneself with Larry Flynt, sometimes. It's odd to think I relate to his struggle at all. I don't know much about him, and I have a feeling we wouldn't see eye to eye on most things. But the portrayal of his legal struggles defending the 1st amendment count for something. At some point in the film his character says, "Why do I have to go to jail for your rights?"

It was timely to see this feel-good, justice-loving film about free speech while silly bureaucracy in Albuquerque is getting in the way of a good porn festival. All the media attention may help Pornotopia find a home. Hopefully someone out there will see the news and call with that new lead for a random hotel or venue somewhere nearby. We'd be thrilled if someone could prove us wrong and show us where to host Pornotopia 2010 in Albuquerque. As Matie said today at our press conference, Pornotopia 2010 shall rise again!

Self Serve at Ignite NM 9!

We are so excited to speak at Ignite 9 next week!

Details: Ignite New Mexico 9 at the CNM Smith Brasher Hall, Wednesday, October 27 at 7 p.m.

We at Self Serve are blogging beginners, but we envy and respect the hot, tech-savvy bloggers that have their quick-typing fingers on the pulse of pretty much everything going on everywhere, immediately and at all times.

Only at a blogger's event might the fast-paced speeches be posted online immediately. So fast, and so hot. The concept for Ignite, if you're not familiar, is pretty darn cool:

Ignite is a dozen speakers, each given 5 minutes to present a topic they’re interested in while 20 slides automatically rotate every 15 seconds. Yes Ignite is fast paced. This quick transfer of information is enough to let you, the audience, decide “do I want to hear more?” If you do, follow up with the speaker, or look more into the topic online. If not, well it was only 5 minutes. Ignite can help you explore new topics, make new connections, and be fun at the same time.

Well, Self Serve won top pick, and Matie is speaking first at next week's event! We are so proud. Plus it's silly-good timing since Pornotopia is being postponed for lack of a legal home right now. The title of her five-minute, life-changing speech is "How Your Local Indie Porn Fest is Trying to Save the World."

Don't forget to RSVP, either. It's so they can feed us.

Announcing Censorship Week October 25th - 31st

We couldn't resist. Censorship is on the brain.

To be honest, Matie and I never meant for censorship to be our most popular story. Sure, we love the first amendment as much as the next lefty. It's just that we want to share sexuality information, sex positivity and help people feel better about their bodies. That work is challenging when you get censored and blocked at almost every turn.

So the conversation often turns to censorship and free speech.

Every day next week we'll be posting about the trials, tribulations and trickery of censorship. Stay tuned for mind f@cks, head shakes and surprisedness. Ok, surprisedness isn't a word, but you get the idea.

Local news coverage about our fine festival- Updated

No Porn at Pornotopia Censored event - KRQE Albuquerque

Pornotopia Runs Into Zoning Issues - Video - KOAT Albuquerque

The local news visited Self Serve today. We can't vouch for accuracy in reporting, but we hope the coverage helps more folks that love the 1st amendment join us November 6th!

“Censorship in any form is the enemy of creativity, since it cuts off the life blood of creativity: ideas.” - Allan Jenkins


Ah yes...once again, censorship has reared its ugly head here in Albuquerque. And as an artist (and I'm sure I'm not the only artist who can say this), I am no stranger to censorship. Who is the target of censorship this time? None other than your friendly, neighborhood sexuality resource center, Self Serve Toys.


For over three years now, Self Serve Toys has hosted Pornotopia. And each year has been met with controversy and censorship from the city of Albuquerque. After three years of this, Pornotopia worked extra hard for this year's (the fabulous 4th!) to be the very best and to follow restrictions set down to do it legally. After months of researching into the zoning laws and searching for a location, Self Serve was ready to hold Pornotopia at The Sunshine Theater. Being the diligent people that they are, the organizers of Pornotopia checked not once, not twice, but three times to make sure that the Sunshine Theater was properly zoned and suitable for the erotic film festival. It was not until the third time, one month prior to the festival opening, that the organizers were told that there was a "downtown corridor plan" that forbids adult entertainment downtown. Pornotopia is once again censored.


But fear not....Pornotopia is moving forward. The focus now moves to censorship and free speech. Want to Save Pornotopia?  Here's how you can help:

• Join the "Save Pornotopia" page on Facebook
• Come to the "Save Pornotopia" press conference at the Guild Cinema, Saturday October 23 at 2:00 pm
• View the film "The People vs. Larry Flynt" October 23 & 24 at the Guild Cinema. Shows are at 2:30 and the cost is $7 general admission
• Attend the "Kicked Out" event at Self Serve Toys on November 4, 7 pm - 10 pm.
• Attend the "Pornotopia Censored: Cirque de Sex" at the Sunshine Theater, 8 pm. Tickets are $10-20, sliding scale.
• Keep checking the Self Serve Blog and the "Save Pornotopia" Facebook page for updates.

Let's stand together and not cut off the life blood of creativity: ideas.

Pornotopia's Censorship Saga as told by an Insider

One of the star volunteers of the Pornotopia Film Festival Planning Committee tells the story of the festival's recent censorship woes.

Autumn in Albuquerque: the chile is harvested, the state fair brings the whole of New Mexico to town, the hot air balloons rise (weather permitting), and the perverts gather to celebrate healthy sexuality at Albuquerque’s only erotic film festival, Pornotopia. At least that has been the narrative of the last three years; this year the city of Albuquerque’s zoning enforcement division has finally succeeded in eliminating any legally-approved site to host the festival.

Conceived as a way to bring erotica that is “healthy, tender, raw, real and beautiful” to a willing public, Pornotopia has grown increasingly popular over its three year history. Put together in hundreds of hours, donated by dozens of volunteers, Pornotopia 2010 was ready to roll Nov. 5-7 at the Sunshine Theater in downtown Albuquerque. That is until the third call to the zoning commission was made and it was revealed that things had changed.

Pornotopia has endured a contentious relationship with the zoning regulations in its short lifetime. At the inaugural festival in 2007, before the first film had even been introduced by Matie & Molly, the zoning office presented the Guild Cinema with a letter, threatening legal action for potential zoning violations. Despite its history as an adult theater, the Guild is not now zoned to show adult entertainment on their screen.

For six months, the Pornotopia committee researched zoning, looking for any space that was approved for adult entertainment. Narrowing the options were additional codes for public safety. Minimizing the list further was finding proprietors who were sympathetic to a porn festival on their property.

When the Sunshine Theater appeared both sympathetic and appropriately zoned, we verified its category with the zoning office. When negotiations with the Sunshine were coming together, the theater also researched regulations thoroughly. One month before the festival, just before contracts were to be signed, we decided on a triple-check with the zoning office. This time, however, we found a previously-forgotten, newly-passed “downtown corridor plan” that overrides the zoning code and expressly forbids new commercial adult entertainment ventures. No exemptions, exceptions, ifs ands or buts, even for a special event. One weekend of an erotic film festival would not be allowed downtown.

While no one is arguing that the content of Pornotopia isn’t “adult entertainment,” it might surprise you to learn what else qualifies as adult entertainment: Anything that shows the male member, anything that shows pubic hair, and anything that shows the female breast below the top of the areola.


That’s right; every time you’ve seen a movie that contained a fully-exposed breast, you’ve technically been watching ADULT ENTERTAINMENT. Do you feel dirty? No one is saying that we CAN’T show this pornography. But we can’t show it here…or here…or here…or, it turns out, ANYWHERE in Albuquerque without intentionally violating the zoning codes.


Zoning codes have historically been used to limit adult entertainment, and truly, any sexual information, education or art. It's problematic, and even in this twenty-first century, intelligent and open-minded adults should realize the censorship going on here.


We tried to play by the rules; we tried to play nice. Censorship is trying to screw our festival, but without buying us dinner or even complimenting us on how nice our hair looks. And we’re not putting out anyway. We will not take this lying down. We will not take our sex toys and go home (well, we will, but we’ll be back shortly.) We are adults, you are adults; we have a legitimate right to show this pornography, and you have a legitimate right to see it. You should care that your rights are being restricted.

Pornotopia is not canceled; it is simply postponed until we can find a home. The further we go from Nob Hill and Downtown, the more dollars we take from those local businesses. But we will find a home for our porn. We will find a way to bring the hottest, most real, diverse sexy films to a public screen for you perverts.

With Love,
Elisa
Pornotopia Volunteer Coordinator, Pornducer and Big Supporter of the 1st Amendment

Pornotopia is censored again?! Really? Seriously?

Pornotopia Film Festival 2010 Update

The City of Albuquerque's highly restrictive zoning regulations have effectively banned the festival from all potential venues and censored all new erotic speech from our city.

In protest over Albuquerque's blatant attempts to censor films protected by the 1st Amendment, are announcing Pornotopia - CENSORED, Cirque de Sex, a live celebration of eroticism, sensuality and the joys of free speech. Cirque de Sex will feature September Smith, Cookie Fortune and many other circus, drag and burlesque stars of the Southwest. Cirque de Sex will be held November 6 at 8 pm at the Sunshine Theater, 120 Central Ave SW in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Doors open at 7 pm. General Admission is $10-$20 sliding scale.

Pornotopia has not been canceled. We are not giving up on finding a home for Pornotopia 2010 and a home for free speech. We will not let these erotic films be censored.

Learn More and Support Free Speech! Self Serve is hosting all sorts of events in the next few weeks. We will not go quietly, or fully clothed.

Saturday, October 23
2:00 pm
Save Pornotopia Press Conference
at the Guild Cinema

Saturday & Sunday, October 23 & 24
2:30 pm
The People vs. Larry Flynt
at the Guild Cinema $7 general admission

Thursday, November 4
7 pm
Kicked Out! Event
at Self Serve free to attend, space is limited
Learn more about free speech, censorship and how you can support Pornotopia Film Festival.

Pornotopia Censored : Cirque de Sex

Sat, Nov 6th at 8 pm
at the Sunshine Theater
Burlesque, Circus, Comedy and More! Featuring September Smith, Cookie Fortune, and many more stars of the Southwest. Dancing and revelry will follow the show.
$10-$20 sliding scale
Advance Tickets will be available October 29th at Self Serve

The Volunteer Committee is working long, hard hours to plan this year's festival. If you are interested in volunteering, email us at ptopiavolunteer@gmail.com.

Follow the news here and the Save Pornotopia Facebook page.

Rethinking Creep

Creep, creeper, heebby-geebies, you just know when you feel it. What makes a creep? Why is it so hard to define? Clarisse Thorn writes "Why Do We Demonize Men Who Are Honest About Their Sexual Needs?" asking women to think how the term creep.



How does a guy express sexual interest without coming off as a creep? Our dominant culture that makes talking about sex taboo. Coupled that with pressure on guys to be the initiators, what's a caring guy to do? Charlie Glickman Suggests 5 tips for men.

I use 'creep' to refer to a situation where a person unconsentually puts their sexual desires in the social, emotional, or physical space of someone(s) else. A creep does not respect boundaries. When boundaries are unstated, creeps don't ask for clarification. Creeps often come off as awkward or shifty.

Although, as Thorn points out, women can generalize any open and honest communication about sexuality as creepy. Open and honest communication about sex, desire is uncommon in our society, so it would make sense for it to feel odd or uncomfortable at first (especially amidst all the sex negative message we receive daily). If sex positivity is the goal then we all need to get used to talking about sex in appropriate consentual situations. Of course, being mindful about context is important. Having a loud conversation about masturbation sleeves in line at the zoo with young kids and families around you might make your date or fellow zoo-goers uncomfortable. I think we should be open about bodies, sex, sexuality, but there are cultural expectations for public spaces. You wouldn't poop on the sidewalk or get on the city bus naked (not to mention, those two acts are illegal).

Moral of the story, is consent. Be considerate and communicative, not creepy.

Notes from a Rookie Kinkster: Toe in the Water at the Evo Revo

This is first in the series of "Notes from a Rookie Kinkster". Self Serve asked a few people who are new to BDSM activity to write about their impressions and experiences.

My girlfriend, E, informed me that one of the nights of the Evolution of the Revolution (Evo Revo) conference would involve a play party.

“Like, boardgames and stuff?” I replied.

Because I fucking love Cranium. Or Scrabble, maybe a bit of Taboo. I enjoy a couple rounds of Apples to Apples as much as the next person.

Further investigation into the topic revealed this was not the case.

Evo Revo was me and E’s first kink convention. We are newcomers to the kink community and we are quite aware that we’re still pretty Vanilla in our sexual practices. We consider ourselves ‘averagely’ kinky, because we believe that everyone is kinky to some extent. Everyone indulges in either anal sex, a bit of wrist-holding dominance play, or maybe has a flannel shirt hung up near the door so that they can imagine that their lover is actually MacGyver.

We wanted to give our impressions of our first forays into the kink community, especially at such a big event.

The convention itself was informative and interesting, so even to a group of fresh novices like us, we could still sit in chairs, drink some convention coffee, and be indistinguishable in the crowd from anyone else, because even the kinkiest kinkster can’t go around wearing a leather codpiece all the time. Also, the kinksters that E and I have had the pleasure of running into have turned out to be very nice, courteous people. They were all very welcoming, expressing nothing but goodwill for our fresh ventures into kink that same way Bridge playing enthusiasts welcome fresh faces.

The play party itself was a point of nervousness for us. We had a rough idea that people would be in a room, engaged in whipping, flogging, tying up, and fondling each other. We agreed beforehand that we would not be ‘playing’ ourselves and that we would be there purely to observe the carnal acts around us. Carnality that was being regulated due to the public nature of the venue and there would be no intercourse of any kind. We suspected that made things easier on us.

The first time we stepped inside, we were both surprised by how much kinkier it was, but also but how friendly and approachable things seemed. For example, while we were fully expecting leather clad people to be playing around us, we were not expecting the kink ‘furniture,’ such as poles with attachments for ropes, upright crosses for similar restraint play, and other pieces meant for horizontal bondage. Contrasting this was the tastefully decorated ‘dungeon,’ with its very pragmatic and comfortable lighting, benign beige carpets, and big wide windows – framing a dotted cityscape.

Around us were emotionally intense play sessions with exclamations of pleasure and pain, the cracks of whips and impacts of flogs, and interestingly, a bit of club music, with a low rhythmic bass. E and I had breaks of ironic dance parties when a recognizable club mix came on. Our shy, but curious glances at the various equipment were rewarded with encouragement, hands-on evaluations of said equipment, and brief how-to demos. Also, after scenes were finished, doms and subs would be seen in tender embraces, exchanging whispered words, and gender caresses like shy high school sweethearts from the 50s television.

All in all, we found the play party to be less alienating than the usual parties we attended, where large numbers of people are brought together and expected to drink until lack of common interests faded away. There was something absolutely honest and the evening, where a bunch of people could get together and just be themselves – including the parts that may be looked upon strangely by the larger population. These are people that are very careful about communication and consent, and in such an environment, you can’t help but feel welcome and safe. It was that feeling that stayed with us when we left.

Obviously, we were also quite turned on by what was going on. If you’re not into kink, then your mileage may vary. But we have a policy of trying anything once, if not several hundred times. E told me she felt like a kid in a candy shop, and she just wanted to do everything, a prospect I find, dare I say, titillating.

We hope that during the next play party that we’ll actually get to play, but we’ll see how comfortable we feel with that prospect when that time rolls around. And that’s the thing, no matter your kink curve, you’ll be welcome there, and if you just want to stay in a corner and watch for now, or if you can’t muster up the courage to even enter the dungeon, you can just sit at a table outside near the snacks and drinks. People will say hi, ask how you’re doing, even if they’re wearing a leather man thong or a corset (or both).

And hey, who knows, I might be there and we can play some Cranium.

First Kinky Event Survival Guide

Alt-Sex Anti-Abuse Dream Team

Abusive relationships happen in all communities: mainstream and subcultures. When abuse happens in a oppressed sexual minority, this further stigmatizes the survivors.

Bondage, Dominance, Submission, & Sadomasochism are taboo in our culture and thus are often misconstrued. Abuse within the BDSM communities is often misunderstood. What's the difference between BDSM and abuse? check out the Feministe blog:

Pro-BDSM activist Clarisse Thorn, envisions The Alt-Sex Anti-Abuse Dream Team.