“Don’t Knock Big Belly Girls…Good Pussy Needs Proper Shelter.”
-Dancehall artist Pamputtae
My wife loves the skin I’m in….literally. She dreams of the day when I’m locked outside of the house on a summer day and come in three decadent shades darker. On sunny days you will usually find her nudging me outdoors with visions of fat African queens dancing through her head. Two of her favorite teak colored parts on me are my tummy and breasts because they’re the softest part of me and her hands happily gravitate towards them on a regular basis. Hello my name is Eve and I’m a sensually objectified object……and I love it! Now don’t get me wrong, my butchie loves me as a complete and complex person, but it sure feels good to be objectified every now and then. In a world where fat hatred is condoned and championed as acceptable behavior, having someone openly declare that they find me beautiful BECAUSE of not IN SPITE of my fat body (and dark skin) comes across as an act of subversive, sensual, and sexual bravery . I find that a number of proud fluffs and fatties share the same prurient glee in being sensualized because it’s fun, emotionally challenging at times, and extremely erotic.
When it comes to appreciating physical features about a person that mainstream society tends to overlook at best, fetishizing and sensualizing are two completely different emotional entities separated by one main factor……emotional investment. As a proud member of the leather community, I can definitely appreciate the merits of fetishes. We all have them. However, within the fat community, being fetishized can definitely be a mixed blessing especially when a number of the fetishizers’ themselves are still in the closet about being fat admirers’. A lot of my MTF trans girlfriends’ and I used to laugh about how fat chicks and transgirls’ were everybody’s favorite “afterhours and behind closed doors treat”. Laughter to hide the pain bonds like nothing else. I’m not saying that I’m not aware of the level of scorn that society holds for those who desire partners’ with beautifully big bodies and how hard it can be to stand up to the judgment of your peers, but it’s hard enough for most fluffs and fatties to deal with their own internalized fat phobia much less that of a partner’s as well. Enter the art of sensualizing. Being sensualized by someone means that you are the object of admiration by someone who is out and proud about their preferences for your juicy goods no matter what society has to say about them. Being sensualized means that something about you inspires poetry in the eyes, lips, heart, and libido of your beholder because to them you are that poem. Being the object of sensualization means that you are put upon an erotic pedestal by someone who understands that desire is a sacred and unique thing for each individual and not dictated by what society says they should be turned on by. Being sensualized is awesome!
So okay, now you’re all hot and bothered and excited about the idea of having someone (or many people) sensualize your brains out, but where do you start? Well the first and most important person to sensualize you has to be you. I know that you’ve probably heard this a million times, the adage that “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself”, but it’s doubly true for finding the person/people that you want to love or fuck (I am a Scorpio…lol) you in the way that you know you’ve always desired and deserved. So whether you want to be fetishized and/or sensualized, here’s a couple of fun self-sensualization activities to get you started:
1) Sensualization Self Image Scavenger Hunt: This exercise can be applied to whatever features that you want to be desired for but were afraid to ask. Look for images of people with the same features as you that are depicted in a beautiful and/or erotic light and create a collage with them. This activity starts you on the journey of learning to look inward for a sense of beauty without belittling the beauty of others.
Be warned, depending on the feature that you’re looking to glorify, you might have to do some creative searching to find images that are beautiful and positive but it’s worth it in the end. When I worked on my first collection (do as many as you need honey!) , I wanted to focus on glamorous images of curvaceous dark skinned women with sub-Saharan African features. It took me weeks to get a decent collection, because it just wasn’t done in mass media.
2) Self-Sensualization Photo Shoot: Now that you have a collection of images that inspire you to love you, take your newly found muse and do a photo shoot. If money is a concern, find a trusting friend to loan you a digital camera and learn to take your own pictures, or better yet have the friend take them for you. Play music in the background that makes you feel beautiful and set up a sensual snack bowl to pamper yourself during and after the shoot.
3) Dress the way you want to see yourself: This was the best self-empowerment advice that I ever got from an online femme idol of mine and it still holds true. Instead of dressing up your online avatar, dress yourself up and find a reason to go out and feel beautiful. I wanted to be seen as a princess so I saved up my queer pennies and bought a flowy dress. I’m pretty geeky and shy so the only places I felt comfortable going to were the library and aromatherapy store, but I felt great!!!
Desirability, and sensuality are viewed by many as unattainable because they fall into the easy and sadly inevitable trap of listening to what the ever fickle media, fashion, and society tells them is beautiful. Learning to sensualize yourself helps you realize that you are a creature of beauty fetish or not.
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