Leather Bear Tails: Understanding Consent

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Brickhouse Chronicles: Happy Hug A Fat Chick Day!

“Rebellion is in the circle of a lover`s arms”- Martin Espada

Given how the average person is now under a constant barrage of the message that what they look like now is not okay and that being fat means you are DOOMED, I think it would be simply fabulous if we had a holiday called "National Hug a Fat Chick Day". A day where everyone turned off their televisions and computers to take a break from their usual routine of fat-bashing, self-loathing, and carb-counting and stopped to hug every fat, fluffy, chubby, curvaceous, stocky, plump, rubenesque, and squishy woman (or guy) they encountered. Everyone deserves a vacation and fatties, fluffies, and squishies everyone would look forward to this one treasured day where people embraced them for the jiggly treasure boxes that they truly are. For one day we wouldn’t be the last picked, for one day there would be no thin actors parading around in fat suits…for one day we would all shine.

If the idea of physically hugging your local jiggly poof is a wee bit too advanced, maybe everyone can start by embracing their own inner fat chick. In other words just take one day to chill out and enjoy a decadent triple fudge sundae, engage in a physical activity because it makes your inner fat chick smile and your muscles sing not because you are under the illusion you’re your body is ugly and deserves to be in pain. Then proceed to engage in a couple of sinfully decadent rounds of carefree, uninhibited sex without trying to cover up the parts of your body that joyously ripple, jiggle, and bounce. And yes masturbation definitely counts! If you're feeling brave, you can even *gasp* get on top or sit on a face or two!

Hugging someone makes them tangible, it makes them real....it makes them become a person just like you. Many of us are so busy in our lives that we get into the habit of going into a sort of emotional autopilot when it comes to how we not only how we view ourselves, but other people as well. We forget that we are surrounded by friends, loved ones, and co-workers’ who fit the label of “fat” and it becomes all too easy to dehumanize them and their experiences. I'm sometimes stunned at how intensely some individuals genuinely HATE fat men, women, and children. You see it in blogs, Youtube, Twitter, etc. all the time...the implication that fat people are somehow less than human and therefore deserving of the unrelenting cruelly, scorn and social ostracizing that society places upon them. When you consider the fact that more than half the women in the U.S. wear a size 14 or above, the implication that millions of women are viewed as subhuman is quite staggering.

The ability to conform every fiber of your being to what's "acceptable" is becoming an increasingly valued trait in our society starting from the way one dresses all the way down to something as personal and individual as sexuality and body type. It's okay to be a dyke as long as you're a skinny dyke like on the 'L-Word'. Being black, Latina, Chicana, Indian, and Jewish is okay....as long as you don't look too "ethnic" (dark skin, curly hair, dark eyed.) Being skinny is okay...as long as you have big boobs. Being a gay man is acceptable as long as you don't act like a flaming sissy. The list goes on.

In a world where everyone seems to be drowning in a sea of self hatred, wouldn’t it be awesome if everyone took a plunge into the softly cool waters of body acceptance and fat pride? Next step: The Million Fatty March!

Be a revolutionary and hug a fat chick. You gotta start somewhere

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

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New Bullet Vibe Put to Good Use

Warm weather and a vibrating seat, could there be a better reason to get out for a bike ride?


Self Serve has some new bullet vibes in the store; the Mini Goddess (pictured), three-ring circus, and the bottle rocket. They are small AND have pulsation settings. They fit in perfectly to my gel soft cut-out bike seat.

Before you ride off into orgasmic bliss, make sure your bike seat fits properly. Ill fitting seats can cause impotence (for both guys AND gals) over time.

I got this great seat at Two-Wheel Drive, our local super knowledgeable bike shop. Fixed and Free is another local, helpful, friendly bike shop who hooked me up with the best pedals I've ever ridden on. Both shops are a great deal with great service.

February 22nd: Learn to Get Naked Shamelessly

At Self Serve we talk about pleasure and sex positive empowerment a lot.  Author and Sexuality Educator Pamela Madsen says the biggest obstacle to getting there is body shame.  She points out, "Once we can face our own bodies and accept the beauty of our form in whatever configuration we are in - we can then begin to connect our emotional self to our physical self which is an important step to living a whole life."

It's a big task and a lifelong journey for many people.  We are so excited that Pamela is coming to Albuquerque next week, and bringing her workshop to Self Serve.  She writes and teaches about loving your body as the first step to sexual bliss.  If you are not fully present, how can you maximize pleasure and truly connect with others?  If you can't feel sexy looking in the mirror, how can you rock a strip tease for your lover?  It's all interconnected, and we could all use some help getting there.

Pamela's new book has just been released, SHAMELESS: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure…and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner.  Join us for a workshop that can help you, too, get naked and love yourself.  You deserve it.  If you're not in Albuquerque, you can still order the book, check out her book tour, and learn on Pamela's blog.

Leather Bear Tails: Red Flags

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Brickhouse Chronicles: Sensualize Me-A Guide for Fluffy People Who Are Tired of Looking For Their Pedestal

“Don’t Knock Big Belly Girls…Good Pussy Needs Proper Shelter.”

-Dancehall artist Pamputtae

My wife loves the skin I’m in….literally. She dreams of the day when I’m locked outside of the house on a summer day and come in three decadent shades darker. On sunny days you will usually find her nudging me outdoors with visions of fat African queens dancing through her head. Two of her favorite teak colored parts on me are my tummy and breasts because they’re the softest part of me and her hands happily gravitate towards them on a regular basis. Hello my name is Eve and I’m a sensually objectified object……and I love it! Now don’t get me wrong, my butchie loves me as a complete and complex person, but it sure feels good to be objectified every now and then. In a world where fat hatred is condoned and championed as acceptable behavior, having someone openly declare that they find me beautiful BECAUSE of not IN SPITE of my fat body (and dark skin) comes across as an act of subversive, sensual, and sexual bravery . I find that a number of proud fluffs and fatties share the same prurient glee in being sensualized because it’s fun, emotionally challenging at times, and extremely erotic.

When it comes to appreciating physical features about a person that mainstream society tends to overlook at best, fetishizing and sensualizing are two completely different emotional entities separated by one main factor……emotional investment. As a proud member of the leather community, I can definitely appreciate the merits of fetishes. We all have them. However, within the fat community, being fetishized can definitely be a mixed blessing especially when a number of the fetishizers’ themselves are still in the closet about being fat admirers’. A lot of my MTF trans girlfriends’ and I used to laugh about how fat chicks and transgirls’ were everybody’s favorite “afterhours and behind closed doors treat”. Laughter to hide the pain bonds like nothing else. I’m not saying that I’m not aware of the level of scorn that society holds for those who desire partners’ with beautifully big bodies and how hard it can be to stand up to the judgment of your peers, but it’s hard enough for most fluffs and fatties to deal with their own internalized fat phobia much less that of a partner’s as well. Enter the art of sensualizing. Being sensualized by someone means that you are the object of admiration by someone who is out and proud about their preferences for your juicy goods no matter what society has to say about them. Being sensualized means that something about you inspires poetry in the eyes, lips, heart, and libido of your beholder because to them you are that poem. Being the object of sensualization means that you are put upon an erotic pedestal by someone who understands that desire is a sacred and unique thing for each individual and not dictated by what society says they should be turned on by. Being sensualized is awesome!

So okay, now you’re all hot and bothered and excited about the idea of having someone (or many people) sensualize your brains out, but where do you start? Well the first and most important person to sensualize you has to be you. I know that you’ve probably heard this a million times, the adage that “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself”, but it’s doubly true for finding the person/people that you want to love or fuck (I am a Scorpio…lol) you in the way that you know you’ve always desired and deserved. So whether you want to be fetishized and/or sensualized, here’s a couple of fun self-sensualization activities to get you started:

1) Sensualization Self Image Scavenger Hunt: This exercise can be applied to whatever features that you want to be desired for but were afraid to ask. Look for images of people with the same features as you that are depicted in a beautiful and/or erotic light and create a collage with them. This activity starts you on the journey of learning to look inward for a sense of beauty without belittling the beauty of others.

Be warned, depending on the feature that you’re looking to glorify, you might have to do some creative searching to find images that are beautiful and positive but it’s worth it in the end. When I worked on my first collection (do as many as you need honey!) , I wanted to focus on glamorous images of curvaceous dark skinned women with sub-Saharan African features. It took me weeks to get a decent collection, because it just wasn’t done in mass media.

2) Self-Sensualization Photo Shoot: Now that you have a collection of images that inspire you to love you, take your newly found muse and do a photo shoot. If money is a concern, find a trusting friend to loan you a digital camera and learn to take your own pictures, or better yet have the friend take them for you. Play music in the background that makes you feel beautiful and set up a sensual snack bowl to pamper yourself during and after the shoot.

3) Dress the way you want to see yourself: This was the best self-empowerment advice that I ever got from an online femme idol of mine and it still holds true. Instead of dressing up your online avatar, dress yourself up and find a reason to go out and feel beautiful. I wanted to be seen as a princess so I saved up my queer pennies and bought a flowy dress. I’m pretty geeky and shy so the only places I felt comfortable going to were the library and aromatherapy store, but I felt great!!!

Desirability, and sensuality are viewed by many as unattainable because they fall into the easy and sadly inevitable trap of listening to what the ever fickle media, fashion, and society tells them is beautiful. Learning to sensualize yourself helps you realize that you are a creature of beauty fetish or not.

Brickhouse Betties Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties/

Brickhouse Betties Facebook Group:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties/

My Wife’s Amazing Leather Bear Blog Home

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